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A Definition and Explanation

March 24, 2009

The Oreo Experience or: A Total Whitey in a Black Chick’s Body

Oreo – Slang: Black on the outside….white on the inside.

My grandparents have really cool recessive genes for black people. They have this rich, dark skin with bright blue eyes.

I also have an interesting recessive gene for black people: the one that makes me love Renaissance Fairs, Kristen Chenowith and dressage competitions.

This blog is dedicated to that existence.

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Let’s Rethink This

June 18, 2015

Look, everyone, I know, it’s tempting.

You see a grown man putting his knees into a nearly naked child’s back or a fully adult human putting pepper spray into a child’s mouth, and you want to be like, “hey, that’s kinda fucked up.”

Resist that thought.

C'mon, you can do it

C’mon, you can do it

 

I know you can do it.

I know you can do it.

You might think “hey, I was camp counselor slash RA once when I was but a teenager and I broke up fights and got people out of restricted areas without putting them in handcuffs.”

Resist that thought.

You might think, “you know what, teenagers shouldn’t talk back to adults, that’s rude. But they are teenagers and the punishment for being mouthy might be to say…take their phone away for a day, not give them bruises on their spine or a police record for life.”

Resist that thought.

This is not the time to think about things like systemic injustice or the unnecessary militarization of our police forces or how British police don’t even have guns and they aren’t all dead. This is not the time to think about how “things” should change.

This is the time to think about how you can change.

This is the time to RE-BRAND.

BoIna

Yes! It’s true!

When something goes wrong at a company, they don’t fold, they get a new logo and start again like nothing’s wrong.

You’d think that with the country’s obsession with battling obesity, that Super Size Me antagonist McDonald’s would have gone the way of the dodo. But nope. They stuck some salads on their menu and brand themselves as a healthy dining option.

Microsoft got themselves some fancy looking versions of Apple Stores. Southwest Airlines got that stupid on-the-nose picture of an airplane off their logo. Monster got that fun flowy flag. Even Target managed to give itself a good old-fashioned frenzied stampede when it proved it could be a go-to place for high (?) fashion with its Lily Pulitzer line.

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And that’s what we need to do with police violence…I’m sorry with police Moments.

Sure, on the surface, it looks like adults are beating up on kids. But you know what, hipsters pay good money for older adults to put bruises on their body. It’s called Thai Massage.

And speaking of spicy food. It’s not pepper spray so much as it is a free sample from Hoy-Ka Noodle House. Yum-o!

See, doesn’t that feel better? Thinking about unnecessary force against clearly unarmed people in these new terms is almost as comforting as getting stretched out by Intira Juntasa at Wilsire Aroma Spa. So take your tragedy of choice, put a spin on it and let’s get back to smiling.

 

How might you apply this logic to other terrible things that are happening around you? Let us know in the comments!

 

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For Mor-eo Oreo: Follow The Oreo Experience on Twitter (@oreoexperience)

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Leave a comment here or at any of the above and let us know what

 

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We’re All Terrible People

June 8, 2015

…or at least giant hypocrites.

The last few weeks of social media have been interesting.

I have conservative friends who would punish their daughters for kissing a boy before she’s engaged stand up for Josh Duggar and say that him touching his sisters in their private parts while they sleep is “normal” behavior.

I have liberal friends who stand up for prison reform, and who demand that offenders who commit actual crimes against human people be given treatment instead of punishment for their violent crimes call for the guy who taped the dog’s mouth shut to be flayed alive.

Settle down. No one's talking to you right now, Ramsay.

Settle down. No one’s talking to you right now, Ramsay.

 

I have friends who support their right to bear firearms, but do not support the right of people being unjustly arrested to fight back against cops without having to fear for their lives.

I have friends who will talk climate change all day long, but who swear by their Keurig cups.

For real, though I don't know how I survived all these years without these.

For real, though I don’t know how I survived all these years without these.

I have empathetic friends who swear off Game of Thrones because women get brutalized, but who weren’t troubled at all by the moments where men get gutted, burned alive, and tortured.

Even me. I’ve worked so hard at being an Oreo, but thanks to the recommendation of a few friends, I kind of want to watch Empire.

I’m not sure what to do about any of us. Except maybe stop with the facebook. But if you do see me watching Empire, go ahead and Game of Thrones me.

 
What about you? What beliefs of yours make no sense? Let us know in the comments so we can celebrate what nutty weirdos we all are.

 

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For Mor-eo Oreo: Follow The Oreo Experience on Twitter (@oreoexperience)

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And subscribe on youtube!
Leave a comment here or at any of the above and let us know what

 

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How to Talk About Current Events: Baltimore

April 30, 2015

It’s happened again.

Police officers killed a man of color who was committing no crime and folks got upset about this.

About 10,000 folks marched peacefully, explained their positions, prayed and cried. About 30 people set some stuff on fire and those are the 30 people who most of the media and a large portion of my facebook feed is interested in focusing on.

When things like this happen, people love speaking in soundbites about it, and as an Oreo, it’s your job to make them feel okay about that. It’s your duty is to usher them through a conversation with a little awkwardness as possible. It’s a great Oreo honor to move the conversation along so you can get back to work before they start to wonder which side you’re really on.

The following is a Conversation Guide to help you do just that.

InnerVoice: Ahem!! Did I see that you posted on facebook about Baltimore??

TheOreoExperience: Yeah, I did. Excuse me everyone, this is my Inner Voice. She likes to chime in every once in a while, though I’m sure she’s just leaving–

IV: Yeah, hi folks. Just one second, Oreo and I have to clear some ish up. Posting sincere opinions about polarizing events on facebook not very Oreo of you, is it?

TOE: Well, I thought maybe I’d make myself into a more layered, nuanced character.

IV: People don’t want layers or nuance. That’s why the writer 50 Shades of Gray has been allowed to publish a book teaching people how to write.

TOE: Yikes! But you don’t think a little re-branding is okay?

IV: It’s risky. One day you’re like “oh, let’s try something new” The next day you’re Tropicana and all your merch spoils on the shelf.

Don't pull a Trop

Don’t pull a Trop

TOE: Fair enough. But you know what doesn’t go well with morning coffee and self-doubt? Your patronizing. So if you’ll excuse me, I need to write.

Part of your duty is to usher them through a conversation with a little awkwardness as possible…oh, we did that already. Here we go. Follow the patterns in this conversation guide will help you through even the most klutyz convo.

 

So… Baltimore, huh? Crazy. You must have opinions, huh?

Upon hearing this, your instinct may be to prepare and then jete away (which is totally appropriate in other situations. Click here for reference). However, this is a time when the nation needs to heal. Please note that though this is a time when the nation needs to heal, let your conversation partner lead the healing part of the conversation. When a person of color talks about “healing,” riots break out.

So… Baltimore, huh? Crazy. You must have opinions, huh?

Oh good morning. Let me just put a pin in this multi-department schedule I’m working on. Would you like a petit four?

I mean… why would people destroy their own city?

You mean after six days of completely peaceful demonstrating that got approximately zero media attention?

IV: Woah, woah, woah! Too much nuance. Back that shit up.

TOE: You’re right, you’re right. I forgot myself. Dear readers, don’t point out the six days of peaceful protests thing, it will just make it look like you’re involved in the “fight” or the “movement.” And no one wants a fight or a movement at their regatta.

 

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Let’s try that again.

I mean… why would people destroy their own city?

Yeah, I know what you mean… Oh, and the lavender and sea salt in these really pair well with the ganache, don’t you think?

I mean… it’s not like that guy was innocent. Have you seen the rap sheet on that guy? What was his name Michael Brown?

No, that was Missouri.

Tamil…Tamir Rice?

No, that was Cleveland.

John C–

Crawford? That was also Ohio.

Eric Garner?

That was New York. Freddie Gray. The guy in this incident is Freddie Gray.

Right. Gray. Well anyway, he was selling drugs for years, so it’s not like he was some Boy Scout.

Yeah, and I suppose the punishment for having sold drugs should be beheading without a trail.

IV: Jesus! Calm down Oreo X. You just got them to agree that actual sprigs of lavender belong in food you’re actually eating.

TOE: Those sprigs are actually really good.

IV: Well, then focus on that.

TOE: You’re right. Lavender, good. Justified anger, fear, and concern = terrifying. Backing up.

Right. Gray. Well anyway, he was selling drugs for years, so it’s not like he was some Boy Scout.

So true. You know what else is good on these? Cracked pepper. Has to be cracked, though.

I mean, violence doesn’t fix anything, you know.

Yup, which is probably why police officers shouldn’t resort to violence when meeting with someone who isn’t actively committing violence against someone else.

IV: New choice!

You’re so right. Which is why it’s really disappointing that all the people calling for non violence now weren’t calling for it when all those videos of cops shooting people surfaced.

IV: New choice!

I hear you. Violence solves nothing. Which is why officers should be trained to diffuse situations instead of escalating it through beatings and shootings.

IV: Are you even listening to me?

Tell me about it. The only thing I want to do violence on is another one of these petit fours.

TOE: Hey, Inner Voice. This is hard. Like really hard.

IV: And that’s why we fight… with clever jokes, not with rocks. Just to clarify FBI agents who may or may not be monitoring this communique, we fight with snark, which is legal and non-lethal

You know who is a hero in all this? That mom who beat up her son for protesting. I mean, if more parents would just raise their kids, then maybe their kids wouldn’t be thugs.

(At this point, you kinda just wanna shove all the petit fours in your mouth.)

Did you just eat all those petit fours?

(muffled) They’re really good.200

They really are. Did you make them yourself?

Yeah. I couldn’t sleep after watching this Irving Berlin documentary. I was just so amped up.

Well, thanks for these. And thanks for the talk.

You’re welcome.

You um… you have lavender sprig in your teeth.

Thanks.

 

See. With just a few snacks and a little determination, you can keep your social standing, your good name, and your Oreo brand.

IV: See, that wasn’t so bad now was it?

TOE: I don’t know, Inner Voice. To tell you the truth, I really don’t know.


What’s your favorite reason for decrying the protests? And what do you like to stuff your face with to avoid reality? Let us know in the comments!

Related:

How to Write about Current Events Part I

And Part II

 

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For Mor-eo Oreo: Follow The Oreo Experience on Twitter (@oreoexperience)

Like us on facebook!

And subscribe on youtube!
Leave a comment here or at any of the above and let us know what

 

 

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I Think She Likes Me!

April 23, 2015

So yeah, I think it’s time I take my new relationship public. Spoiler alert: It’s going well!!

 

What do you think? How I can keep this going? Let us know in the comments!

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That Time I Accidentally Joined a Cult

April 5, 2015

…or at least the first time.

 

 

Have you ever done anything insane for stupid reasons? Let us know in the comments!

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The Best Quotes From That Deadline Story

March 26, 2015

People have been up in arms over Nellie Andreeva’s story on Deadline about how there are too many ethnic faces on TV these days.

If you didn’t get a chance to read it, you can check it out at this link.

Tl;dr version: Because TV shows are getting more diverse, deserving white actors are losing out on roles and we’ve maybe gone too far with this whole diversity thing.

People were not impressed.

ShondaRhimes Deadline

And sure, the article is full of quotes like this:

“…the pendulum might have swung a bit too far in the opposite direction. Instead of opening the field for actors of any race to compete for any role in a color-blind manner, there has been a significant number of parts designated as ethnic this year, making them off-limits for Caucasian actors, some agents signal. Many pilot characters this year were listed as open to all ethnicities, but when reps would call to inquire about an actor submission, they frequently have been told that only non-Caucasian actors would be considered.”

And this:

“Because of the sudden flood of roles for ethnic actors after years of suppressed opportunities for them, the talent pool of experienced minority performers — especially in the younger range — is pretty limited.”

And this:

“While they are among the most voracious and loyal TV viewers, African-Americans still represent only 13% of the U.S. population. They were grossly underserved, but now, with shows as Empire, Black-ish, Scandal and HTGAWM on broadcast, Tyler Perry’s fare on OWN and Mara Brock Akil’s series on BET, they have scripted choices, so the growth in that fraction of the TV audience might have reached its peak.”

And sure, people are upset with the fact that a white lady is screaming “reverse racism” because like 5 shows have minority leads. Yeah, people are bugged that she’s intimating that black actors aren’t as talented as white actors. And folks are annoyed that Andreeva is OK with the fact that there has always been a larger percentage of white people on TV than there are in the actual population, but it freaks her out when it’s the other way around.

Fine. Heard.

But while there were some “offensive” quotes in this piece, there were some great ones, too! And no one’s talking about those. So, you’re welcome from The Oreo Experience.

Here are the best quotes from the Nellie Andreeva article.

Like take a look at this:

“In one instance, after a number of actors of different ethnicities tested for two roles in a pilot this year, two Caucasian actors ended up being the top choices for the two remaining regular parts.”

A dependent clause! Just chilling, hanging out in the middle of a sentence. Obviously, this girl can write! And the fact that she can write complex sentences while her freedoms are being chipped away one episode of How To Get Away With Murder at a time is extra impressive. Anne Frank only wrote one book. Andreeva writes like four posts a day. You get it, girl!

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And this!

“This is not to say that there weren’t other hot commodities this pilot season; star names were in demand as usual, as were hot young guys and girls and occasional foreigners with that ‘sparkle.'”

Proper use of a semi-colon. That’s hard to do! It’s especially hard to do when you are holding such a heavy torch, even if it is in your non-dominant hand. Have you looked at the I Have a Dream speech? No semi-colons.

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And look at this!

“Television has been successful with shows that had both all-white (Friends, Seinfeld) and all-black (The Cosby Show) casts on the strength of their premise, execution and talent performances and chemistry.”

In-sentence citations!! With italics! Fancy!

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So I think this shows that everyone can just calm down a bit. I’m guessing she even spelled her name correctly. And that is very hard to do when filled with the very justified fear that your people are being unfairly oppressed. I mean, Eric Garner could barely form more than one sentence, imagine how Nellie feels.

 

What do you think of Nellie’s article? Is TV too ethnic? Not ethnic enough? Do we just need more cowbell? Let us know in the comments!

 

I know, dear ones. This may sound like difficult TV times for the aspiringly creative, but you can help. Here are some of the best ways to be a good Oreo, to fight the good fight, and to make sure that everyone feels safe in their skin and with yours.

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Quick Oreo Tip: Always Volunteer to Take the Picture

March 19, 2015

Don’t let this happen to you.

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blackface

 

Always take the pic XX

I know, I know. You’re very excited about singing wenching songs at that Renaissance Faire, performing some delightfully observant sketch comedy, and stopping for a snapshot during that road trip to visit South Carolina’s most haunted historic plantations. You want proof that you were there. You want an image of a lovely memory. You want something to throw up on Facebook.

But phone cameras aren’t interested in what you want.

Filters can’t save you now.

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Do you like the way you look in photos? Any filters out there that help save you from yourself? 

Let us know about them in the comments. 

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For Mor-eo Oreo:
Follow The Oreo Experience on Twitter (@oreoexperience)
Like us on facebook
Watch fun Oreo videos on youtube!

 

 

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