Month: September 2010

Ann Coulter Validates Gays, Oreos

Just like addicts do in their recovery groups, self loathers must find people who reinforce the shame-and-assimilation-filled lifestyle we have worked so hard for.

Such beautiful words.

The gays this week did a lot of things right and for their efforts, they were handsomely rewarded.

  • They chose to be gay Republican. And while yes, Republicanism is meant to be about limited government, a part of that limited government is making laws that prevent gays from marrying or having kids.
  • They named an event called “Homocon” which both emphasizes who they are and invites just the right amount of eye-rolling from those in disagreement.
  • They invited Ann Coulter to speak at Homocon. No matter who you are, she’s gonna make you feel that much worse about it.

And because they did all that…they got the greatest gift of all…this quote:

Said Ann Coulter to the H’con attendees when explaining why they shouldn’t be allowed to marry: “You’re not black.”

We should all be so lucky.

Oreo Birthday Win and Fail?

...and lead us not into temptation...

It was many moons ago today that the self loathing started. And this weekend, two conversation showed me how much my efforts have paid off and reminded me how far I have to go.

The first one:

Someone I know through the Internets was looking at my Kickstarter page: (

And had this to say.

Him: Wow, you definitely got the accent down. You sound totally white!
Me: That’s my actual voice. That’s just how I sound.
Him: Oh.

And the other happened over dinner. I was eating out with a member of my blanchetourage and  I knew I was taking my chances by having chicken…and by ordering a leg and thigh instead of a breast while my friend ordered a breast. The waitress came with our food and said:

Waitress: (to him) – you’re white.

(Waitress puts his food down)

Waitress: (to me) – and you’re dark.

While I initially considered this a fail for her pointing out the painfully, shamefully obvious, I realized, that she probably can’t say this to every patron of color lest they get all uppity about the word choice. You know, like this guy. (heart you WKB!)

What do you think? Chicken fail or win? And do you prefer light or dark (meat, that is. it’s obvious what we prefer in people 🙂 ) Let us know in the comments.

And let me know when your birthday is, so I can send you a message!! Lemme know in the comments or email at

Oreo News and Thanks!

I know my curtsey needs work, but please know I mean it sincerely! For reals, thanks for all the readings and commentings and whatnots. I really appreaciate it!

So in case you’re wondering why the posts have been more sporadic of late, there’s a couple of reasons.

One, there’s a Tennessee Walker riding competition I’m gearing up for.

And two, I’m ending the year by producing “White Christmas”—a parody video of, well… “White Christmas.” The song tells the story of how OreoWriter hopes her holidays are super anglo-tastic!

I definitely would not be on track to make this video were it not for all the readers and emails and comments. I appreciate it so much and am super excited about this project.

We’ve already got an amazing team of backers (thanks to Geoffrey Plitt and Jason Layden for their early support!) and we would love to have all of you on board, too!!

We are doing the bulk of our fund-raising through Kickstarter. With Kickstarter, backers pledge sponsorships amounts, but no one is charged unless the target budget is raised (or surpassed!). We’re already more than halfway there and look forward to hearing form you. You can see our Kickstarter page at:

There are lots of great benefits for backers and investors including personal video messages and lots of promotion for your name or brand. Check out the link and let me know what you think!

We already have a great, creative and successful team and I hope you will join us.

An Oreo Guide to Sports

This itch in my piccolo finger can only mean one thing…get me my marching band uniform because it’s football season!

Sorry Jacob. Yeah, you've got the abs. But you've also got a tan.

Which reminded that it’s very important for Oreos to deal with sports correctly. Root for the right team and you’ll be catapulted into the upper echelons of Oreodom. Wear the wrong jersey and folks will soon be offering you wings at half time.

Here is a list of some teams that an Oreo can cheer for with a clear conscious. Turn up in any of these team’s outfit at your boating society’s next fall gala or art museum fundraiser and you’ll definitely score!

  • The Washington Redskins. Few things sting so good as waving around an archaic caricature while gleefully shouting out a racial epithet.
  • The Montreal Canadiens. First, they’re a hockey team. Second, they give you the chance to show off your boarding-school perfected French.
  • The Red Knight or The Blue Knight at any Medieval Times restaurant. Either knight is fine, as long as you’re there enjoying the leg of meat and mug of mead!
  • U.S. Equestrian Team. Tall boots, dressage salutes and mint juleps, oh my!
  • Team Edward. Ahh, the sparklevamp is  broody. He’s determined. But most of all…he’s very pale.

But if you really want to impress, get a shirt featuring

  • The New Zealand All Whites. Enough. Said.


Kiwis footballers! And the perfect team name for an Oreo to root for!



How do sports figure into your life? Any fave teams? Spectacular rivalries? Wonderfully horrible injuries? Let us know in the comments!

What about sports names that come from actual groups of people? Is “Fighting Irish” the same as “Redskins”? How about the fact that USC Trojans used to be the Fighting Protestants? Cuz if there’s anyone who knows how to throw down…it’s the moderately religious!

Conversations with WhitePal – Karaoke


OreoWriter: I think this is the best shepherd’s pie I’ve made to date. How was karaoke?

WhitePal: It was okay. I was hoping to sing 99–

OW: Luftballoons?? I love that song.

WP: Uh, no. Problems. 99 problems.

OW:  Is that in German, too?


Moar WhitePal conversations: Monkeys! Toaster Blood! Hawaiian Silky!


For Mor-eo! Follow The Oreo Experience on Twitter (@oreoexperience)
Leave a comment here or at any of the above and let us know what you think!

The Minority Report

Never noticed how Morgan looks a little too excited in this poster

Welcome to The Minority Report – a super quick movie review…about movies that may or may not have come out recently.

The Shawshank Redemption

Two most notable things…

One, pretty insanely amazing acting.

And Two, in a surprising turn of events, there are only three black people in prison?? And despite the incarceration fatigues they’re wearing, they rank pretty high on the Oreo meter since they live in Maine.

Oh, and a young Tim Robbins…yes, please!

The Pros and Cons of Having Been Called “Colored” at the Equestrian Center Today

Embrace it! Awkward moments are good for you!

I was taking a turn about the Equestrian Center after riding today when I had an experience that definitely made me take stock in my Oreodom.

I was nearly of the gate and back to my car when an older man rode up to me in his golf cart and asked what I was doing there.

To be fair, there was a competition going on so most of the people there were in formal riding gear, though I had hoped my jodhpurs would have helped me blend in a bit.

I told him I was just there to watch, he informed me that he was the show vet and we started a lovely conversation about big animal care, James Harriet and our favorite places in Ireland and West Hollywood. Then, my new friend said this to me:

“There’s another colored gal who has a horse up here…do you know her?”

Now, while I’m sure the gal was at the last meeting, I didn’t know who he was talking about and I told him so.

At first, I forgot my Oreoness and was a little put off by having been called colored. But then, my Oreo senses kicked in and I decided to chart it out and see how I should feel…

CON: Even with the jodhpurs and tightly-pinned bun, he still noticed I was black.

PRO: Though he noticed I was black, he still talked freely to me, suggesting that he didn’t think I was angry RBP.

CON: He made the small circle of people around us uncomfortable, as they all did quick side glances at me to see how I would react.

PRO: My Oreo-sense allowed me to put everyone else at ease by responding sweetly and without malice to his thoughtful inquiry.

CON: Getting away with saying it once made him say it again and more when he added: “Oh yeah, and there’s this other colored fellow who owns a couple of horses down the way. I mean, I think he’s a black guy, he’s really, you know, dark like you are.” Equal amounts of uncomfyness followed.

PRO: Each time he said an adjective that described the hue of my skin, it made my back stiffen straighter and straighter–which made my my posture much better for my next riding lesson.

Antiquated terms, FTW!

His questions also made it clear that there are other Oreos nearby…if any of you are reading this, let me know you’re out there and we’ll grab a scone or something.

What’s the most uncomfortable thing someone’s asked you in public? How did you respond? Let us know in the comments!