game of thrones

EXCLUSIVE: Other Shows HBO Considered Before Deciding On Confederate

Managed to get my hands on this internal memo circulated at HBO. Some pretty interesting titles here. I’m still rooting for Rosa Parks and Rec!! (Full text below)

 

 

Hey HBO,

Here are some other ideas we’re kicking around. Looking forward to your thoughts!!

 

GROUNDHOG MLK DAY – In the spirit of the acclaimed and beloved GROUNDHOG DAY, this series will re-live the assassination of Dr. Martin Luther King over and over and over and over again. Each week, the audience will get the opportunity to see the assassination from many angles they never knew they wanted to see before.

 

JAMES CROWE – Superhero anti-heroes are all the rage these days, right? (read: Deadpool, Batman-those are the two that come to mind, anyway, so we’re gonna call that a trend). So why not create a Civil Rights-era anti-hero for us to hate, study, and learn from?? James Crowe is just a regular dude who just hates black people. That’s his whole deal. This series will follow his journey from regular citizen to political machinist slash lynch mob organizer. Every episode, he’ll come up with a new way to fuck over people who are darker-skinned than him. But also, he’s really charming in that Bradley Cooper/Littlefinger sort of way.

 

BOYCOTT BOYBAND – People also love musicals right now, right? We keep seeing all these Hamilton posts, so we figure that’s like a whole thing now. BOYCOTT BOYBAND combines the heartbreak of segregation with the joy of four-part harmony. Yes, people are getting fire-hosed, but also yes, they’re singing about it and cutting an album. We’re thinking of partnering with Harry Styles on this one. Each week, audiences will get to see visceral images of people being violently arrested while the sweet, dulcet tones of our favorite Motown quartet delivers a soundtrack that is sure to please!!

 

ROSA PARKS AND REC – A mockumentary-style (this is still a cool thing to do right?) series that shows us the quirky side of everyone’s favorite Civil Rights Era icon. From the back of the bus to in front of the camera, she’s a Pam Beasley for a new generation!! (Possible to get Jenna Fischer to play titular role?)

 

CIVIL WRONGS – It’s a procedural where every week, an African American person or family will try to use the court system of the United States to protect themselves and win their civil rights. But here’s the kicker: Every week, they will lose!! The good news is that this will be deeply painful to watch and the better news is that we’ll probably get several Emmys for it. Thinking of Peter Dinklage for the lead.

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Which one of these are you most interested in tuning in to? If you let us know which one and why in the form of a slave narrative, you might be eligible for a walk-on role in Season 4!!

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Here were some other fantastic ideas for programming. What was your favorite?

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We’re just a few weeks away from launching BLACK GIRL IN A BIG DRESS!! Please join us at any of the following:

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There are Dumb Questions – Like This One About Hair

When I left work on Friday, my hair was about shoulder-length. It was reddish brown and cut into a nice little bob with bangs.

When I got to work this week, my hair stretched to the middle of my back and was jet black. Still have the bangs, though.

Some things are rocket science. This is not one of those things.  (source)

Some things are rocket science. This is not one of those things.
(source)

Basically, after straightening my hair since I was 8 (so you know, only like 13 years ago), I got tired of the chemical burns, I got tired of the dollops of hot grease dipping from the hot comb and I did what any self-respecting, professional woman would do. I learned to be content with who I was and love me for me. I decided that even though I can’t grow long hair, I can still buy it.

Beautiful silky waves of someone else’s hair have been affixed to my own. No heat. No chemical burns. Just an afternoon in the chair watching Miss Congeniality and The Proposal. I love me some Sandy B. (well, mostly)

It’s understandable that people would be surprised when they saw me. I look quite a bit different. I’m super excited about my hair, so I’m tossing it around like a child and I’m sure everyone in the morning meeting was wondering why I was grinning like I just won my first ballet recital.

Because of the change, there are plenty of perfectly reasonable questions to ask. This, however, is not one of them:

“Did you get extensions?”

That is a dumb question. Because by asking it, you’re assuming one of two things: that you just didn’t ever notice this extra foot of hair on me in the year to 10 years we’ve known each other; or that you live in a world where hair grows 12-13 inches over night all while changing color so the extra hair is just a biological possibility and not clearly the work of a scalp-centric intervention,.

If you didn’t notice me before, you don’t have to start now. And if you live in a world where hair grows that fast, please let me in!! I’ve been trying to get long hair since I was about 8. It’s never happened until now. And if there was a way to do it without also having to watch Think Like a Man (it was her salon, I could only ask for so much Sandy before she pulled rank) please let me know! I’ll move if it means I end up in a hairadise where long locks come easy.

Just in case someone else changes their hair and you want to ask something stupid about it, here are some alternatives to ask instead:

  • I was thinking of cutting my hair into a French New Wave blunt boxy thing, too. Can you give me your stylist’s number?
  • What does your boyfriend/girlfriend/pet sitter/mistress think of your new look?
  • Do you smell that?
  • Have you forgiven Sandy for The Blind Side yet? (spoiler alert: only kind of)
  • Holy s*it! Did you see GoT last night? (spoiler alert: I’ve never watched GoT)
  • Has anyone told you you’re like this office’s Joan Holloway-Harris?
  • I know you like your new do, but can you stop twirling around and give us the dates on your production report?
  • No really, do you smell that? It smells like burning.
  • I was thinking of a more efficient way of running these meetings, can I run it by you?
  • What are you reading these days?
  • Is After Earth really that bad?
  • Guys, I think this isn’t a fire drill, should we go outside?
  • Do you know where we turn in time cards?
  • How long after the wedding is it still cool for me to get a gift to the happy couple?
  • Do you mind not biting your nails so loudly?
  • Why wouldn’t I want to see another picture of your cat?
  • Seriously? You watched an episode of Splash…not Smash…but Splash?!
  • Fine you guys, I’m not taking my chances. Sure it might just be a bagel left in the toaster oven, but this meeting has been totally derailed anyway, am I right?

See, look how many options there are. We’re all adults and can make intelligent conversation without doing some Meisner exercise of stating the obvious.

The only reason you’d need to double check if long hair is extensions is if you’ve all been the survivors of a Lost-style plane crash and you need all the hair you can gather to make a rope to get in and out of the hatch more effectively or a sail so you can take your chances on the open sea. Outside of that situation, just use your best judgment and ask pretty much anything else instead.

What’s the dumbest thing someone has asked you lately? Or have you let a question slip that should have stayed inside your brain? And what was the big deal about GoT this weekend? Let us know in the comments!

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What Are You Doing This Weekend?

As the weekend approaches, it’s important to have a list of Oreo-approved things at the ready to say you’re going to do.

It’s not that saying: “What am I up to this weekend? Oh, not much” sounds like you’re saying “I’m going to attend an NBA match while smoking some weed.” It’s just that not having specific plans leaves room for people to speculate about what you might be doing. And an Oreo can leave no room for speculation. Because you know what speculation does. It makes you and your friend Lation eat Speculoos.

Which to be fair, is pretty yums, just not healthy (source)

Which to be fair, is pretty yums, just not healthy
(source)

But what do you do if you really don’t have any plans? After all, a Show Jumping Grand Prix or corset-making class doesn’t just come along every weekend. How do you account for your whereabouts when you’re not sure about where you’ll be?

We’ve made it easier for you. Just take one word from Column A, combine it with one word from Column B and voila! Instant Oreo plans! And if people ask you to prove it by taking picture, just say that photography wasn’t allowed….and you had to take an oath. In blood. People will stop asking you questions when you bring up the blood.

Column A

Column B

Haiku Reenactment
Equestrian Reading
Gilbert and Sullivan Tour
Scrabble Con
British Revue
Steampunk Exhibition
Saloon Pilgramage
TED Society
This American Life Build
Castle Tournament
Robotics Recital
Tom Stoppard Event
Game of Thrones Walkabout

So…What are you doing this weekend?

If you are looking for some Oreo-approved-cations, check out these 3 not-awkward-at-all day trips

 

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