Month: September 2015

What Will Happen When You Hire a Diverse Staff (a primer for Matt Damon)

The Martian, Good Will Hunting caused quite a stir this week on an episode of Project Greenlight. The incident in question occurred when white Damon interrupted Effie Brown, a prolific producer who also happens to be black, as she was suggesting that diversity was important.

Truly, how dare she try to blacktalk during this very generous piece of whitesplaining.

Etiquette always states that you do not blacktalk during a whitesplain.

Brown was suggesting to a roundtable of other people whose faces you’d recognize that they should consider considering that a diverse filmmaker would be well-equipped to handle direction of a a script where the only person of color seen on screen is a black prostitute who gets slapped by her white pimp, lest the finished product have some uncomfortable undertones.

Jason Bourne interrupted Brown and said that simply wasn’t necessary. Brown tried to interject, but Ocean’s 10th interrupted again and said that it was absolutely not necessary to cast a diverse director because:

“When we talk about diversity, you do it in the casting of the film, not the casting of the show,” he said, intimating that having one person of color in an entire film is plenty, thank you very much. And that since that role has been filled, it really doesn’t make any sense to have any people of color working anywhere else on set.

Later, in a talking head segment, Private Ryan said directors should be based on merit and that “all other” considerations should be taken out of it.

The implication being that diverse directors cannot stand on their merit and that “other” considerations must be considered in order to make a diverse candidate viable.

And The Uncredited Baseball Fan at Fenway Park could not be more right.

Because when you choose a diverse director, you really are asking for trouble. Here’s what will likely happen if you pick a not white to direct your movie.

  • The chosen director will express thanks and gratitude for the opportunity.
  • The chosen director (TCD) will plan, schedule, research and consider
  • Someone will bring Tom Ripley a coffee
  • A PA will start to re-consider their life choices
  • A producer’s child will have their resume fast-tracked and be well on their way to becoming a VP
  • TCD will work with the AD to try and make their day
  • An intern will make some copies
  • Everyone will get really excited about crafty, no matter what they’re serving
  • Many takes will go well, some will end up in the blooper reel
  • Some fan will give out and everyone will get all hot and cranky
  • This pattern will repeat itself for a few days until everything is in the can
  • Editors will work many nights and weekends to cut the piece together
  • Executives will weigh in
  • The PA will have given up and resigned themselves to a life less glamorous, but no less lived
  • An unnecessarily expensive wrap party will be planned
  • Oh, and the movie will be ruined. Obviously.

I mean, you can’t, as Rannulph Junuh articulated, just hire diverse directors willy nilly or who knows what will happen. Just look at these examples of horrible mistakes made by directors of color.

Selma, Ava DuVernay

Left to right: David Oyelowo plays Martin Luther King, Jr. and Carmen Ejogo plays Coretta Scott King in SELMA, from Paramount Pictures and Pathé.

You call that tying a tie?? A real tie tyer wouldn’t let themselves be groped during this very important bit of work. There’s no way you can tie a proper Eldridge knot with that kind of distraction…What?! She was having her tie a simple windsor?! Fail.
F. Gary Gray, The Italian Job

theitalianjob10

Oh for fucks’ sake. When you are done with your meal, you don’t put your fork on its side like a goddamned animal. You put it with tines facing down!!! This movie, ruined.

King Arthur, Antoine Fuqua

arthur-6

Hello?!?!? We’re on a horse, that means our heels go DOWN guy in the back!! If you can’t afford to get your crew some calf-stretching exercises so that they don’t look like absolute asstoots on film, then you’re obviously an Affirmative Action hire who has no business working in this business.

Thank you, Guy Who Played Owen on Will and Grace That Time for holding us to some g-damned standards.

 

****

What other horrible things have you seen happen on screen because there was a diverse cast behind the camera? Let us know in the comments!

****

For moreo Oreo:

Like us on facebook

Follow us on Twitter

 

Advertisements

I (Might Actually) Stand With Kim Davis

Kim Davis: Hero, a handy hashtag...or something more??

Kim Davis: Hero, a handy hashtag…or something more??

Everyone is so up in arms about Kentucky Clerk Kim Davis and her refusal to perform a very important function of her job as a County Clerk. Davis has refused to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples, citing her religious beliefs. Gay couples, she says, are unbiblical, and supporting them (read: following the law by giving them the marriage certificate they are legally entitled to) would cause her to violate her religion. And because we have freedom of religion in this country, she posits, she should not be legally compelled to violate her beliefs…even if that means that she gets to violate the legal rights of tax-paying citizens of the county she is legally obligated to serve.

People are calling her a bigot. They’re saying she’s prejudiced. They’re saying that we really need to honor the separation of church and state. They’re happy that she’s in jail.

But I think people are looking at this all wrong.

 

 

Let’s take a gander at some facts:

  • Kim Davis cannot keep a man. She’s been married 4 times.
  • She’s not married to her baby daddy.
  • She doesn’t want to work.
  • She has a record.
  • She’s getting a paycheck from the government despite not wanting to work.

Based on these behaviors, Kim Davis is basically a black person. Certainly an RBP. And she’s managed to become a right-wing hero. This could change everything.

Here’s what I’m thinking:

Kim Davis isn’t a white anti-gay government official. She’s just some black dude performance artist in whiteface.

Well played, anonymous blacktivist. Well played indeed.

If it were within the rules to be seen in the same room together, I’d come by and say congratulations.

 

If the right starts applauding RBP behavior, what’s next in this new world order? Cornrows at the office? Driveby Fridays? What do you think? Let us know in the comments!

****

For moreo Oreo:

Like us on facebook

Follow us on Twitter

And help spread the word about The Oreo Experience LIVE!!

OREO EXP POSTCARD