Month: November 2011

Naughty Holidays – Thanksgiving Edition!

Why does Halloween get to corner the market on gratuitous holiday sex appeal?

What are you most looking forward to putting in your mouth this Thanksgiving? Let us know in the comments!

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For Mor-eo Oreo: Follow The Oreo Experience on Twitter (@oreoexperience)
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DOs and DON’Ts For Throwing a Blackface Party

Pretty much every year, a group of college students decides it’ll be a swell idea to host a party where people dress up like minorities by, among other things, donning some good ol’ fashioned blackface and sometimes a grill or two.

Just a reminder that these people were all making active choices.

Just today, we learned that sorority sisters at The University of Southern Mississippi were put on probation after they decided to dress up like the Huxtables. (Argyle and wigs were not enough, natch, they had to go whole hog).

Earlier this year, students at Université de Montréal donned blackface for a presentation in their business class.

C’est manifique, messieurs!

Last year, students at the University of California, San Diego hosted a “Compton Cookout.” The invitation to that party went a little something like this:

“February marks a very important month in American society. No, i’m not referring to Valentines day or Presidents day. I’m talking about Black History month. As a time to celebrate and in hopes of showing respect, the Regents community cordially invites you to its very first Compton Cookout.

For guys: I expect all males to be rockin Jersey’s, stuntin’ up in ya White T (XXXL smallest size acceptable), anything FUBU, Ecko, Rockawear, High/low top Jordans or Dunks, Chains, Jorts, stunner shades, 59 50 hats, Tats, etc.

For girls: For those of you who are unfamiliar with ghetto chicks-Ghetto chicks usually have gold teeth, start fights and drama, and wear cheap clothes – they consider Baby Phat to be high class and expensive couture. They also have short, nappy hair, and usually wear cheap weave, usually in bad colors, such as purple or bright red. They look and act similar to Shenaynay, and speak very loudly, while rolling their neck, and waving their finger in your face. Ghetto chicks have a very limited vocabulary, and attempt to make up for it, by forming new words, such as “constipulated”, or simply cursing persistently, or using other types of vulgarities, and making noises, such as “hmmg!”, or smacking their lips, and making other angry noises,grunts, and faces. The objective is for all you lovely ladies to look, act, and essentially take on these “respectable” qualities throughout the day.

A few years ago, word got out that students at Tarleton State University, University of Connecticut School of Law, Clemson University and the University of Arizona all threw ghetto parties on Martin Luther King Day.

Happy MLK Day, everyone!

It seems that like prostitution and casual drug use, these peccadilloes are here to stay. So instead of trying to legislate morality into students, maybe we should take a cue from the Libertarians and give everyone some guidelines on how to party like it’s 1849 without risk of disciplinary action. It’s like learning how to have safe sex…assuming that by “sex,” we mean “really terrible party ideas that the future leaders of our country maybe shouldn’t be coming up with.”

So here are some Dos and Don’ts for your next ghettotastic shindig.

  • DON’T:  have a blackface party at a school with a black dean. I’m looking at you Mississippi!
  • DO: Keep a tight grip on the invite list. Some people are really sensitive and will report your party to school officials because they’re too busy not taking that stick out of their ass. So don’t let word get around that you’re hosting.
  • DON’T: Post pictures on facebook, Twitter, tumblr…actually, don’t take any pictures at all. Remember that person with the stick where the sun don’t shine? Well those same humorless aholes will likely send those pictures to someone who has the ability to make your life more difficult. So take the higher road and don’t give them the ammunition they need.
  • DO: not ask yourself why this is the theme you chose for your party in the first place. You have way too much to do to spend time thinking about your decisions may affect other people. Besides, don’t they see how ridiculously clever and ironic you are!  Ugh! They’ve probably never heard of Middling Banana Sunshine Patrol either and MDSP is like the best thing to happen to house music since…you know what, never mind, you have to be really in the scene to even get what they’re doing.
  • DON’T: make friends with RBP..like ever. They will straight leave your ass (and maybe cut you) when they see the one picture you couldn’t help but take. They may also report you to the dean. Oreos are probably pretty safe as they won’t bother showing you the silent tears they’re crying on the inside.
  • DO: remember to wash off the shoe polish before class in the morning! Showing up with those streaks on your face will be as awkward as it was waking up to that person in your bed who was soooo not cute now that you’re sober. Ick!!
  • DON’T: bother maybe doing a quick Google search to see why blackface is so fucking offensive, it’ll just bring down the mood of the room – total party foul!

Happy Partying!!!

What other tips do have for getting away with pretty offensive behavior? What do you think of these parties? Have you ever been? When’s your next one? Can I come? Let us know in the comments!

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For Mor-eo Oreo: Follow The Oreo Experience on Twitter (@oreoexperience)
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How Many People Must I Hate?

So my video Why I Don’t Date Black Guys hit 100K views this week. And if you haven’t taken a tour around youtube comments in a while, you totally should. The youtube comment section is a very special place.

In honor of my 100K Day, I present this follow-up video….

…and these follow-up posts:

What ladies are doing instead of putting a ring on it. 

 

What happened when I tried to chat pleasantly about race and relationships on national television.

What do you think? Do people who share genetic traits have an obligation to reproduce with each other? Let us know in the comments! And thanks for watching and reading and helping us get to 100K!

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For Mor-eo Oreo: Follow The Oreo Experience on Twitter (@oreoexperience)
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Why Am I The Only One?

I was at the Magic Castle again yesterday. And per my Oreo habit, I was the only one of me enjoying mesmerizing mentalists, slippery sleights of hand and men displaying brilliant top hats, spats and patter. While I normally just delight in my singularity, I’ve spent a lot of time lately trying to puzzle out why this is the case.

Last Thursday at swing dancing, this weekend at Chinese Foot Massage and the other week at CalTech’s screening of “American Rocketeer,” I thought the same thing. At each event, there may have been one or two other Oreos…not at Chinese Foot Massage, though. I’ve never seen a black person there. And judging by how the Mandarin in the room gets louder and noticeably more full of laughs when they get around to kneading my amply ethnic bum, neither have they.

Even with pretty strict adherence to the Oreo Codes (If you’ve forgotten the rules, you can read there here), there should be some spill over. So why do I not run into more POC at my events? Maybe it’s because:

My life isn’t nearly made of as much awesome as I think it is….

Likelihood: NOT likely! There’s a move in lindy called “The Bandit.” Who doesn’t want to do something called The Bandit! And c’mon, have you seen a horse? They’re amazeballs! Who wouldn’t want to kiss their faces and ride around on them as they prance through something called The Equidome—the EQUIDOME!!

Look at that punim!!! You know you want to squish it.

Or maybe it’s because…

Black people, like ghosts, or…um… vampires or maybe highlanders, are unable to be seen with the naked eye in normal light environments.

Likelihood: Hmmm, more likely. I mean, I like all this stuff and I show up at these events. Self-image issues aside, I am not that special that I’ve figured out something that so many other of colors haven’t.

To be honest, I don't really get the Highlander business. If there can be only one, how do they reproduce?

Mayhaps it is due to the fact that…

We are actually living in a parallel jim crow universe, but I still get let in to cool events because my Oreo efforts have paid off and my assimilation is truly complete.

Likelihood: Maaaaaaybe, I am very very smoove. And I did have a dream that I went into space last night. Maybe it wasn’t a dream at all.

What's that? I'm in the wrong line? Oh, well, you don't mind letting me in anyway, do you? I'll save a spot for you at the yaaa-aacht. club.

Or perchance, we’ll find that…

Due to a complex system of geography, socio-economics, politics, an overly stressed education system and the media, people are still subtly encouraged to or discouraged from doing certain activities based on any number of superficial characteristics including ethnicity, income level, race or creed….

Likelihood: zzzzzz— huh? What? Woah, that one was really boring. I don’t have time to think in layers like that. Plus to be honest, I’m not sure what “creed” is exactly.

What do you think? Do you do things that more people, whatever they look like, should enjoy? Tell us about it in the comments! And the send us an invitation.

For more adventures at The Magic Castle, click here.

For an adventure at a totally different castle, click here.

For an adventure at a place that was guarded with a gate like a castle, click here.

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For Mor-eo Oreo: Follow The Oreo Experience on Twitter (@oreoexperience)
Leave a comment here or at any of the above and let us know what