Look, we all have to say or hear things that are uncomfortable sometimes.

A doctor might have to look someone in the eye and say that there’s nothing to be done.

A supervisor might have to look someone in the eye and tell them that they’ve been made redundant.

A partner might need to look their lover in the eye and say “I love you.”

The point is,  life can get real awkward real fast.

And right now, people are saying uncomfortable things all over the place.

Whether it’s refugees saying “please remember that we’re human beings,” or college students saying “please let us be treated fairly,” or liberals saying “please, let’s not bring back the ideals that the Nazi party espoused,” conversations are getting weird.

Now sure, it’s important that people be able to look someone in the eye and say “Hey, I think what you’re saying is going to lead to a lot of people being treated unfairly.” But ohmygod, no need to embarrass yourself and everyone around you by just being all weird and honest about it.

So the following is a handy guide to help you figure out how to say all those icky truths in a way that’s more palatable to your peers. If you’re having a hard time saying what you want without forcing everyone to get defensive defending their indefensible positions, try getting it off your chest:

Through Interpretive Dance

You remember that Chandelier video. What on earth was happening? Maybe that nude tween was saying: “Hello and I hope you’re having a good time.” Or maybe she was saying “In the event of an emergency, all minorities will be moved to the back of the aircraft.” Who knows? That’s the beauty of unclear artistic expression. You can say whatever you want and no one can really get upset because they have no idea what’s going on. You get some exercise and stretching in and they get to walk away assuming that you’re on the same page…or that you’re weird enough that they don’t really want to continue talking to you anyway. Win win!

Over Drinks

Everything’s easier to take after your third Manhattan. So just get in there.

Via Haiku

Hard to write these things
Finally figured it out
But everyone is dead now

With a relaxing meter and few word to work with, you run little risk of upsetting someone with a politically charged short poem. Plus, you’ll spend more time trying to craft this thing than you do trying to find new abbreviations to make your latest Tweet fit into 140 characters. By the time you’ve figured out how to say what you want to say, everyone will have forgotten what you’re talking about and will be on to new issues anyway.

With The Help of a Carrier Pigeon

After you’ve tied your message to its cute little legs, you’ll be so caught up thinking about how you can turn this little gal’s adventures into a charming Pixar film that you’ll forget all about your very salient point.

To the Tune of $80+/hr

As much as we all love TED talks, there are some boring ones, but poll those audiences and they’ll say it changed their lives! All these rallies where political candidates say crazy things? People pay big bucks to get a seat at one of those tables and then they clap politely and pretend like everything’s cool. So just start charging top dollar for your opinion and you’ll find you have a lot more fans.

How do you like to express yourself for minimum impact? Let us know in the comments!

And for more help saying awkward things, check out:

• If you Can’t Say Something Nice
• How to Write about Current Events
• Don’t Get Mad, Just Re-Frame Those Angry Thoughts!

Because, what’s more important, really? Self expression or self preservation. Remember, that which does not kill us gets us invited to better parties.

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