It’s not just the fact that we get to think about what’s wrong with us that makes Yom Kippur an important holiday for an Oreo.
There are at least nine other reasons why Oreos should pull up a seat next to our Jewish friends, twist our freshly pressed hair into side curls and join them in celebrating the Day of Atonement.
1. We can eat fried foods without being all stereotypetastic about it. Let’s hear it for kreplach.
2. Being a kosher Oreo leads to fun new words like “Koshoreo.”
3. Fasting makes people too weak to notice what you look like.
4. Circumcision is probably as painful as a relaxer.
5. Communing with former slaves is okay when they can pass for white.
5. “Shana Tova” sounds much better than “What up shawty.”
6. On the Day of Atonement, Jews celebrate the fact that G-d will forgive the sinful nature of their humanity, present at birth, and give them a fresh start for another year. Oreos can celebrate, too, the fact that a chosen few of the privilege class will forgive us the nature of our birth.
8. Sammy. Davis. Jr.
9. The bitter herbs eaten at meals will taste much like your overly controlled soul.
10. We are in the Jewish year 5770. More than 3000 years ahead of the mainstream calendar. Maybe in a parallel Jewish universe, we are equally ahead in society and we don’t have to work so hard to blend in–by 5770, it should come naturally.