Welcome to The Minority Report – a super quick movie review…about movies that may or may not have come out recently…or that are good.
The room is a 99- minute romantic drama set in San Fransisco (you’ll know this from thy myriad and unnecessary establishing shots), where, apart from one valet, there are no people of color. Not at parties, not in coffee shops and not along the hilly streets.
But, that reeaaallly doesn’t matter, because holygoodness, seeing The Room was one of the GREATEST CINEMATIC EXPERIENCES OF ALL TIME!!!
I will do my best to explain what I witnessed on Saturday night.
This movie is not a good movie. It may be the worst film ever made that also got some sort of distribution. The casting is bizarre, the acting is terrible and the “script” makes no sense. But the film has a HUGE cult following, thanks in no small part to creepy looking writer/director/star Tommy Wiseau. The man has made a career off one terrible movie and not in the acceptable Kate Hudson sort of way.
People begin queuing up for this event a full two hours before it starts. They bring spoons, footballs and a memorized list of chants. It’s interactive in the way that a Rocky Horror Picture Show screening is–though sans transvestites and catchy musical numbers but with the unsexiest kissing of all time and two sex scenes that will make your sexuality, whatever it is, just disappear. Every few seconds, there’s something else to yell at the screen, throw into the air or pantomime at your seat neighbor.
Tommy even makes a weird appearance before the “film” starts. Speaking in his “European” accent of indeterminable origin, Tommy avoids answering questions while vaguely sexually threatening pretty girls who dare to sit in the front couple of rows. If it’s your birthday, he’ll scare the beejesus out of you by “singing” what he claims is Happy Birthday to you.
I have never laughed so hard or so long at anything in my life ever. The screenings happen once a month and the next one is on my birthday weekend. So Los Angelinos, come join me and get ready to laugh your faces right off.
How does this tie in to TOE? Well, as I stood in line, unaware that all this goodness was about to happen, I did notice that there were no black people…which is odd, because don’t RBP love shouting at movie screens?
If you have seen The Room, please let us know about it! If you like to talk to movie screens, let us know about that, too.
Any ideas for other movies that would be great if interactive?
And please. Please enjoy this clip from The Room below.