The Minority Report

The Minority Report – Jackass 3D

I'm sorry, me. I'm so so sorry.

Welcome to The Minority Report. A super quick movie review where I discuss a movie that I should or should not admit to having seen.

Today it’s Jackass 3D.

There were no people of color in this movie.

Thank. God!

Listen, non colors. I have spent a lot of time collecting Jane Austen books, perfecting shepherd’s pie recipes and pour toxic goo on my head to straighten out these natural naps. Don’t make me regret that.

Why on earth did I go see this movie? Take a guess and tell me in the comments!     🙂

Any movies you’re loathe to admit you watched…and enjoyed?

Also, for more fun at the movies, check out this post on trailers (look for another installment soon with winter fare)  and this post for a surprising look at Tyler Perry.

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The Minority Report – The Social Network

Welcome to The Minority Report – a super quick movie review.

 

"What is Rashida Jones' character doing here again?"

 

Rowing crews,  elite secret societies and hedge funds, oh my!!  It goes without saying that I was thrilled to see a movie who’s demographic, by virtue of the subject matter, location and protagonist, would be so homogeneous. And The Social Network did not disappoint. There are definitely no RBP at Harvard, or Stanford…BUT there IS one at BU, in case you need someone to intimidate your ex-boyfriend.

And when filling a bus full of girls to be used as tokens and prizes for well-educated kids of means, Asian is about as colorful as you should get.

Also, can we get a sequel that features just the Winkelvie…shirtless….and rowing…and shirtless.

What do you think? Much has been made about what some call sexism, what some call artistic portrayal in this movie. Are you on Sorkin’s side that says “look, these guys were kind of assholey and we wanted to show that.” Or are you on the truthier side that says “there were in fact contributing women important to the building of facebook, where were they in this movie? and how dumb are the girls in the flick that not only do they have no storylines of their own but they can’t even smoke pot correctly??”

More Oreo facebook misadventures: Poorly worded emails, confusing status updates, and weird-ass apps, oh my!

What to help The Oreo Experience make a better movie? Click here to become a backer of “White (on the inside) Christmas!

The Minority Report – The Room

Amazing.

Welcome to The Minority Report – a super quick movie review…about movies that may or may not have come out recently…or that are good.

The Room.

The room is a 99- minute romantic drama set in San Fransisco (you’ll know this from thy myriad and unnecessary establishing shots), where, apart from one valet, there are no people of color. Not at parties, not in coffee shops and not along the hilly streets.

But, that reeaaallly doesn’t matter, because holygoodness, seeing The Room was one of the GREATEST CINEMATIC EXPERIENCES OF ALL TIME!!!

I will do my best to explain what I witnessed on Saturday night.

This movie is not a good movie. It may be the worst film ever made that also got some sort of distribution. The casting is bizarre, the acting is terrible and the “script” makes no sense. But the film has a HUGE cult following, thanks in no small part to creepy looking writer/director/star Tommy Wiseau. The man has made a career off one terrible movie and not in the acceptable Kate Hudson sort of way.

People begin queuing up for this event a full two hours before it starts. They bring spoons, footballs and a  memorized list of chants. It’s interactive in the way that a Rocky Horror Picture Show screening is–though sans transvestites and catchy musical numbers but with the unsexiest kissing of all time and two sex scenes that will make your sexuality, whatever it is, just disappear. Every few seconds, there’s something else to yell at the screen, throw into the air or pantomime at your seat neighbor.

Tommy even makes a weird appearance before the “film” starts. Speaking in his “European” accent of indeterminable origin, Tommy avoids answering questions while vaguely sexually threatening pretty girls who dare to sit in the front couple of rows.  If it’s your birthday, he’ll scare the beejesus out of you by “singing” what he claims is Happy Birthday to you.

I have never laughed so hard or so long at anything in my life ever. The screenings happen once a month and the next one is on my birthday weekend. So Los Angelinos, come join me and get ready to laugh your faces right off.

How does this tie in to TOE? Well, as I stood in line, unaware that all this goodness was about to happen, I did notice that there were no black people…which is odd, because don’t RBP love shouting at movie screens?

If you have seen The Room, please let us know about it! If you like to talk to movie screens, let us know about that, too.

Any ideas for other movies that would be great if interactive?

And please. Please enjoy this clip from The Room below.

The Minority Report – 2012

The End is Near...for type casting??

Welcome to The Minority Report – a super quick movie review…about movies that may or may not have come out recently.

2012

(I know, I know, but I LOVE terrible disaster movies–Twister, The Core – I heart you!)

So, back to 2012–WTF?? Black president AND a black super scientist who’s in charge of saving the world and the white family is the one that’s all messed up, dysfunctional with the quippy sassy lines?? Roland, what were you thnking?

If it wasn’t a wonderfully terrible disaster movie, I’d have to take this off the Oreo-approved list. Though, the galacially slow pacing for the first 45 minutes with the totally-rammed-in-there character beats might take it off the list anyway.

But how can you hate a movie where the continents roll around the globe like they’re on a SlipNSlide??

But be careful, Roland. The casting shows a healthy respect for folks of color. And that shot of Africa being the center of the world (again)? If that catches on, everyone will want to be an Oreo, and that will make me, by default an RBP.

You’re treading on thin ice. Thin, made-that-way-by-global-warming-and-Mayan-prophecy ice.

The Minority Report on Inception

Nope, none in here, either.

Welcome to The Minority Report – a super quick movie review.

Inception.

There are no black people in dreams. Or London.

There are black people in African markets. They all wear traditional clothes and yell at you funny when you barge into their cafe, bringing a horde of gunmen  after you.

Indians are smart and just a little bit hapless.

White people are by turns: troubled  leaders, smart and concerned, smart and kind, beautiful and compelling, stately professors, heirs, very nearly magical, misunderstood fathers.

Ken Wantanabe looks like the 6 Flags guy in his old makeup.