Month: December 2013

Keep Up Appearances…and Your Distance

When you’re an Oreo, there’s an unspoken 300 foot-restraining order on all other Of Colors. That way, you don’t get too close to one another, but you can both still attend the polo match-so long as you sit at opposite ends of the field.

This rule exists for good reason. Get too close to another brown and it’s a slippery slope from discussing how you can’t wait for the next season of Downton Abbey to talking about how the fried chicken appetizer does actually look really good. Then, not only are you caught in the company of another of color, but you’re both shoving chicken into your face. At that point, you might as well throw on a red and white polka-dotted do rag and start shilling syrup.

Keeping our distance doesn’t just keep us safe, it also keeps other people on their toes. If the answer to someone asking you what you’re doing this weekend is “I’m going to a Jay Z concert,” you’ll get an “ohhhhhh, cool,” followed by a tacit “of course she is. “ But if your answer is “I’ve got orchestra seats for Sleeping Beauty at the Met” you get an “ohhhhhh, nice” accompanied by the head tilt and raised eyebrow of acceptance and admiration.

So what to do when you just can’t help yourself and you need to see an ethnic entertainer? Well, such was the case with myself and a recent Audra MacDonald recital. I tried to say no, but once you go 5-time Tony/4-Time Drama Desk/Ovation Award winner, it’s hard to go back.


Can I be her when I grow up? (source)

Can I be her when I grow up?

If you find yourself in this position, have heart! There are some things you can do to mitigate your situation and to not set off alarm bells for the patrons near you. Make sure you have the following things with you and your Oreo status will remain in tact.

An anglo escort or escorts. A go to for Oreos anyway. The bigger the rosie ring around your posey, the more you’ll blend in. So grab a few favorite members of your blanchetourage and enjoy your night out!

Barney’s accessories. Prove that a little racial profiling is nothing to get up in arms about. Set yourself apart from the RBP who get upset at a routine shop and frisk by putting the program in your Balenciaga and popping the collar on your Isabel Marant Ego Coat.

Tickets to other geeky events you’ve attended. A well-timed “accidental” purse spill can be a great asset to an Oreo. Let everyone see your ticket stubs to and Playbills from The Westminster Kennel Club Show, The Rolex Three Day Event (minus the reining portion), and The America’s Cup.

With these things on your person, you can be certain that you will enjoy your evening and, more importantly, that everyone at your evening will enjoy you.

What do you bring with you on your nights out? Let us know in the comments!

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