Month: November 2012

Diary of a Mad White Black Woman: Fried Chicken Confession

Dear Diary,

I apologize. I am abject. I throw myself on the mercy of the court.

I would never have cooked it if a dear friend hadn’t asked. And I would never have eaten it if it wasn’t so amazeballs delicious… I mean… close to my face… I mean …the only way I could have saved those orphans. Yes! That was it! It was the only way! I swear!

I asked myself after eating if I felt more black. I replied to myself that no, I did not. I only felt ashamed…which is basically the same thing.

There are, however, some times when it’s okay to eat of the chicken… and sometimes I get it right…ish

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Oreos A – Z: I, J

A little set of little rhymes to keep Oreos on their best behaviour

I is for ignorance for it truly is bliss
Just think of the dumb rap songs Oreos get to miss

What? It’s cozy in here. And we just re-did the walls!
(source)

J is for jam, which is great on a scone
Oreos always take tea, whether out or at home

Well someone certainly thinks they’re clever. Fool me once…. pity
(source)

 

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Excuses, Excuses

Sometimes life gets all crazy and super doubly duper busy. And by “life gets all crazy and super doubly duper busy” I mean “you get a little lazy and just wanna watch back to back episodes of Law and Order: SVU, The Voice and Shark Tank instead of connecting with the outside world.”

But admitting that you’re “lazy” and “watching Ice-T on the regular” and “not running out of the room when Cee-Lo can be heard” brings an Oreo dangerously close to sounding like an RBP. So instead of copping to those personal failures, why not use one of these handy excuses instead!

When you find that you’ve neglected your work, friends and email for a while, toss out one of these gems and heads will bob and hands will clutch chests understandingly.

  • My thoroughbred needed a new trainer and you know how exhausting interviewing jockeys can be.
  • Golly, that pan-Atlantic sailing trip seems like it gets shorter and shorter every year!
  • When you’re committed to taking high tea in as many castles as possible, you really can’t focus on anything else.
  • The Romney campaign has just sucked up all my time!
  • That is the last time I hit every city on a Panic! at the Disco world tour.
  • I just couldn’t leave my house until I had knitted an afghan for every one of my Bischon Frises. I’m sure you understand.
  • When you start researching how to build a replica of Montecello, time just flies by.
  • I don’t know what happened. One minute I was watching Pride and Prejudice, next thing I know it’s fucking November!

What are your favorite excuses for slacking off? Let us know in the comments!

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