Remember how embarrassing it was when you finally asked your parents where babies come from. Or when you asked the object of your affection out for the first time. Or when you asked your doctor if that odor was normal. Well, that’s probably how you feel about the questions you want to ask about Oreos. So here is a list of questions you probably shouldn’t ask in mixed company.
Is Being an Oreo the Same as Being Biracial?
No. Oreos are full-blooded African Americans. The kind that would have fetched a pretty penny in the beginnings of our nation’s history. And they are just as valuable today.
Is Being an Oreo a Lifestyle Choice Like Homosexuality?
There are genetic predeterminants that make it more likely for a child to develop into an Oreo. But, like alcoholism, anyone can pick it up if they give it a good college try.
Do Oreos Hang Out En Masse?
No. Hanging out with other black people pushes an Oreo into the full minority category. It upsets the white to black balance inside the Oreo and forces him or her to deal with his or her self loathing. Which is really too much to ask of anyone.
“En Masse?” Really? What are Some Other Favorite Oreo Words?
Predicament. Scintillating. Literature. Détente. Reel Big Fish. Portfolio. Pinot Noir. Deflection. Kayak. Carl Jung. Giraffe. Pedigree. Woodwind. Pregnant Silence. Avoidance. Calling Service. Evasion. Libertarianism. Ennui. Hablamos. Holland. Invisilign.
Who Do Oreos Date?
White people. Dating any person of color will cause the Oreo to be seen by the community at large as a mainstream minority. This will deplete the stores of points accrued by the Oreo and limit the chances of true Oreo acceptance.
Who Do Oreos Fantasize About?
Oreos fantasize about their forbidden loves: Other Black People (OBP).
Can Oreos have successful interpersonal relationships with OBP?
Yes. As long as the bulk of the interactions are done over phone, text and email. Oreos may occasionally meet in public with OBP for business purposes as long as those meetings occur at acceptable locations: ie. Traditional Sushi bars, country clubs or Republican fundraisers.