Why Am I The Only One?

I was at the Magic Castle again yesterday. And per my Oreo habit, I was the only one of me enjoying mesmerizing mentalists, slippery sleights of hand and men displaying brilliant top hats, spats and patter. While I normally just delight in my singularity, I’ve spent a lot of time lately trying to puzzle out why this is the case.

Last Thursday at swing dancing, this weekend at Chinese Foot Massage and the other week at CalTech’s screening of “American Rocketeer,” I thought the same thing. At each event, there may have been one or two other Oreos…not at Chinese Foot Massage, though. I’ve never seen a black person there. And judging by how the Mandarin in the room gets louder and noticeably more full of laughs when they get around to kneading my amply ethnic bum, neither have they.

Even with pretty strict adherence to the Oreo Codes (If you’ve forgotten the rules, you can read there here), there should be some spill over. So why do I not run into more POC at my events? Maybe it’s because:

My life isn’t nearly made of as much awesome as I think it is….

Likelihood: NOT likely! There’s a move in lindy called “The Bandit.” Who doesn’t want to do something called The Bandit! And c’mon, have you seen a horse? They’re amazeballs! Who wouldn’t want to kiss their faces and ride around on them as they prance through something called The Equidome—the EQUIDOME!!

Look at that punim!!! You know you want to squish it.

Or maybe it’s because…

Black people, like ghosts, or…um… vampires or maybe highlanders, are unable to be seen with the naked eye in normal light environments.

Likelihood: Hmmm, more likely. I mean, I like all this stuff and I show up at these events. Self-image issues aside, I am not that special that I’ve figured out something that so many other of colors haven’t.

To be honest, I don't really get the Highlander business. If there can be only one, how do they reproduce?

Mayhaps it is due to the fact that…

We are actually living in a parallel jim crow universe, but I still get let in to cool events because my Oreo efforts have paid off and my assimilation is truly complete.

Likelihood: Maaaaaaybe, I am very very smoove. And I did have a dream that I went into space last night. Maybe it wasn’t a dream at all.

What's that? I'm in the wrong line? Oh, well, you don't mind letting me in anyway, do you? I'll save a spot for you at the yaaa-aacht. club.

Or perchance, we’ll find that…

Due to a complex system of geography, socio-economics, politics, an overly stressed education system and the media, people are still subtly encouraged to or discouraged from doing certain activities based on any number of superficial characteristics including ethnicity, income level, race or creed….

Likelihood: zzzzzz— huh? What? Woah, that one was really boring. I don’t have time to think in layers like that. Plus to be honest, I’m not sure what “creed” is exactly.

What do you think? Do you do things that more people, whatever they look like, should enjoy? Tell us about it in the comments! And the send us an invitation.

For more adventures at The Magic Castle, click here.

For an adventure at a totally different castle, click here.

For an adventure at a place that was guarded with a gate like a castle, click here.

***

For Mor-eo Oreo: Follow The Oreo Experience on Twitter (@oreoexperience)
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13 comments

  1. I know you said you don’t get it but dammit, high five on the highlander reference! If I had a dollar for every time I’ve proudly proclaimed, “There can be only one” only to have to follow it up with, “Ermm… you know, like, the Highlander?”

  2. I do all the things white people like, and shamelessly. I think it helps to have a white husband, it’s like a guest pass that never expires 😉

  3. Highlander reference, FTW!

    Reference not understanding immortality… slightly less win. Immortals don’t reproduce. They can’t. That’s part of the ‘curse’ of their immortality (they also make barren any person they sex up, such is the power of their antireproductivity). Yeah, I know, you get to be immortal (unless someone chops off your head) AND you won’t ever get saddled with children. Tough life.
    Yes, I am a nerd.

    1. Actually immortals don’t make the people they have sex with barren. They just can’t reproduce themselves. Which would make infidelity easy to spot.

      Great Highlander reference. For a 1986 movie it’s got some staying power. Ok. Among sci fi nerds…

  4. I would say that your area just isn’t oreo intensive. It’s like being a Black man in a grad school class at a majority White institution. You almost never have one of us in a class. Now there may be 20 other classes going simultaneously with another Black man in it, but we only know we exist because we pass each other in the Library (neutral ground). But if you go to an HBCU, then there and bunches of Black males (although the classes may be smaller).

    Your life is as awesome as you think it is. You just need to work with your chamber of commerce to get more oreos in the area. Or visit more Oreo intensive areas like Raleigh, NC. That’s it… take your oreo show on the road.

  5. I grew up in Canada, so as a kid I loved playing hockey, and I distinctly remember switching to basketball in my early teens because hockey wasn’t considered a black sport. Later on, I was introduced to tennis by an Asian kid in my neighbourhood. Maybe I would have kept it up if the William sisters phenomenon was happening at the time because when I picked up golf all I heard were endearing Tiger Woods references.

    I also read C. Lander’s “Stuff White People Like”, and I perform many of the activities listed in the book, which many whites that I know don’t, so, for me, the book loses its credibility. That said, I appreciate your last point; I tend to not go places because I know I’ll be the only black there. But I would still argue that what people do is an issue of socioeconomic class rather than race.

  6. correction: Link was in Mod Squad. He was the black guy. Julie and Pete the white.people.

    Creed was in a Rocky movie. He was the black guy. He wore lots of chains and said things like “i pity the foo…” Later on, Creed got his own T.V. show.

    Now you know.

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