This Is Why We Can’t Go To Nice Places!

The rope is there for a reason.

Because in a group, black people are scary!

Look, Ivy League alum who are upset that your were turned away from a club even though you weren’t doing anything wrong, we’ve been over this. One of us in a crowd is delightful, maybe even amusing. We provide the image of diversity in a neighborhood with declining property values.

But standing in line…outdoors…where people can see you…that’s just threatening. Even if you are a bunch of Harvard and Yale law students. Yes, the argyle and the discussion of this year’s lacrosse teams is a start, but you have to look at the whole picture.

Here’s what happened: A group of of-color Ivy Leaguers with a phenomenally strict guest list were waiting on line to get into a new club.

The owners of the club, seeing the line, believed it to be attracting “local gang bangers” and shut the party down. Or maybe they just thought the line would attract local gang bangers, because according to one of the event’s organizers, the club management said both.

In a letter to the party-attendees, one of the organizers explained his mistake:

At approximately 10:30PM club management called the owner to say that they saw individuals on line whom they recognized as “local gang bangers” (their words not mine). In response to this, the club owner directed the bouncers to only let individuals with a Harvard or Yale ID in to the club. At this point Kwame and I argued that no alumnus would have his or her expired college ID with them and reiterated that the reason we did the party on a pre-sold basis with strict admittance based solely on the guest list was to guarantee that the only attendees were Harvard and Yale alumni, grad students and their close friends and to ensure that no “bad seeds” could contaminate our party. However, given that this was the club’s opening weekend, the owner was particularly sensitive to anything going wrong.

At approximately 10:45, after we won the argument concerning the amazing quality of our crowd and the strictness of our guest list, management began letting people in but then became worried that as our crowd waited in line it could attract the attention of “local gang bangers” passing by who would try to gain entrance to our party. Furthermore, they feared that if these individuals were turned away for not being on the guest list they could hypothetically cause problems with the bouncers outside of the club and draw negative attention to the establishment. Despite the fact that our Friday night party went off without a hitch and had no problems when we turned people away from the door for not being on our list, management decided to shut the party down as to avoid the hypothetical chance of attracting the “wrong crowd” (again their words not mine). In spite of our attempts to reason with them, we were left in a position where despite agreeing with our logic, the decision had been made and we were left powerless

Well, the management here really be blamed? There are very simple rules for being a functioning Oreo and one of them is that we don’t congregate en masse. Check the FAQ here if you have any questions…or check this link to see which people might be more excited to see you.
And make sure you sign the sign up sheet for next month’s Caroling Fest so we know if there’s still room.
Wouldn’t want to upset anyone.
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For Mor-eo! Follow The Oreo Experience on Twitter (@oreoexperience)
Leave a comment here or at any of the above and let us know what you think!
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2 comments

  1. “Gang bangers” is used by real cultured white people just to indicate those who engage in a certain sexual activity with more than three people. We use “Gang members” otherwise, mind your languague.

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