One of the motivators that helps me stay on track is the fact that according to society things featuring non-colors are just things while things featuring of colors are…different.
Example
White brides are just “brides.” Black brides are not just brides.
Black people do not enjoy Jurassic Park or Mortal Kombat. (btw, I was all about the icy spit thing when I was a young Oreo!)
What do you call it when you separate people or things by race? That’s right…inspiration!!
Even overseas, good news travels fast.
Thank you, Sandy. Thank you.
For more Sandra-tasticness, check out this clip where she pays tribute to Latina/o culture. It’s six minutes of your life that you will not regret. Really.
Picking cotton was a tedious and painful job endured by millions of slaves in the US for profit they never got to see.
What better then to say that you enjoy as an Oreo! Few things will throw people off your ethnic scent like appreciating a task that scarred the hands and lives of your ancestors!
Thanks, then to Cotton USA for making that conversation piece more possible.
(And thanks to friends at Sociological Images for the tip and link!)
A good romp through a prickly, spiky cotton field with basket in hand has the potential to remind an of color of a terrible institution and possibly illicit a sense of allegiance to one’s race.
But not for a well-trained Oreo. Instead, that same romp will bring feelings of relaxation and ease as you help make others more comfortable with a country’s sketchy past.
Bonus points if you include in your discussion that with the advent of technology like the cotton gin, picking and separating cotton wasn’t all that difficult in the end.
Who doesn't like to work outdoors?
Want more Oreo Advice? Check out: More Good Oreo Conversation Starters, Great Moments in Advertising, and When Being Black Can Actually Help You Out
Gays: In case you were thinking that the dismantling of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was a good idea in that will allow more people to feel free to express themselves without fear of reproach in their chosen career, think about the consequences! If you all of a sudden suggest that people should stop repressing themselves just for the comfort of those around them, be ready to be ridiculed. If you aren’t holding it in with all of your might…you know what you might turn into.
Consider this: The Florida Family Planning Council, a conservative Christian group in Jeb’s state, recently released a newsletter to its followers featuring this picture.
Lesbians, per the FFPC
The picture was printed with a story about an evil judge who ripped some poor, defenseless orphan out of the potentially endless and often dangerous cycle of foster care and handed it over to lesbians to be loved and raised in a stable and nurturing environment. The caption in the newsletter identified one of the people pictured as one of the new moms and sent ripples of fear through the folks who read the newsletter.
After all, how dare a judge put a child in a home with ladies who are not only gay, but, you know, really really gay.
Turns out, however, that this is a picture of the actual couple:
Actual lesbians. Actually.
The FFPC asserted that they accidentally ran the wrong photo and issued a quasi-pology in the comments section of a Florida reporter’s column.
The FFPC is an organization that successfully lobbies local governments for changes to laws. This is a group made up of educated, professional people including many lawyers and doctors. They write articles, they draft letters, they blog and design web pages. They have been around for eight years. They know a whole lot about the life cycle of a fetus and have memorized tomes of religious text. Per all the photos on their website, they know how to exclude people of color from an organization in a state with a minority population of almost 40 percent– 6 percentage points higher than the rest of the country. They know the ins and outs of the judicial system and can organize a great big gathering in a pinch. So, really, they don’t have the know-how to check a photo for accuracy?
Of course they do! Which makes the fact that they chose not to even more genius! They knew that lesbians who looked like “lesbians” were way scarier than you know….lesbians. Especially when you consider that the President of the organization said that none of his readers complained about the printing error.
So, ladies, don’t run the risk of that bob being too short. Comfort the rest of the world by growing that hair out and buying shirts that minimize those shoulders. We can go get your highlights while I touch up my relaxer!
This cycle of Tyra Bank’s self-focused extravaganza, America’s Next Top Ty–er Model, started with a wonderful, wonderful surprise. Contestant Simone proudly announced that she was an Oreo!
When she said this, Tyra looked skeptical, and it seemed doubtful that Simone would make it through the next two rounds of elimination.
But a half-shaved head later and Simone is still with us and now can proudly walk the runway…right into our self loathing hearts.
BUT, is Simone’s claim to Oreodom true? As you know, we have high standards at The Oreo Experience and it’s worth taking a moment to see if Simone measures up.
So far, the Oreos have it!
We’ll be watching her progress and rooting for her all the way. And I’m not saying there’s a hand-stitched caplet with her name on it if she wins. But I’m not not saying that, either.
What do you think? Does our little Oreo have a chance? Did they do right by that one girls’ eyebrows? Do you think Simone would accept my Katamari challenge? Let us know what you think.
I would have posted this picture even if it didn't go along with the story.
One of the most important rules of being an Oreo is not to congregate with other Oreos. Doing this is obviously dangerous for an Oreo because it may cause you to start relating to other of colors on about things related to being of color and then your years of repression are as ruined as a salmon frittata cooked at 375 instead of 350.
But it also puts journalists in a sticky situation.
How are sports writers supposed to write about blackletes in typically anglo sports if they can’t call them “The Tiger Woods” of that sport?
Writer Richard Morgan writes about this phenomenon in his article: “The Black Athletes Who Don’t Play Basketball.”
In 2005, The New York Times noted that Kyle Harrison and John Walker were both considered simultaneous Tiger Woodses of lacrosse — and that wasn’t even counting the other two black lacrosse players, John Christmas and Harry Alford, who were layered onto the story as icing.
Adolfo Cambiaso is the “Tiger Woods of polo,” according to the Fort Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel and according to Vanity Fair in May of 2009. Unfortunately, Jabarr Rosser, then a 10th grader in West Philly, was already named as a potential Tiger Woods of polo in the Philadelphia City Paper, way back in 2001.
If only Kyle, John, John or Harry had paid attention to the rules, they wouldn’t have put the NYT and Vanity Fair in such an awkward position. And we’ve seen how much VF wants to get imagery right.
Morgan continues:
Phil Ivey is, by all accounts, the Tiger Woods of poker. Although, given that he earned $17 million in three days of playing–and another $7 million in online poker–he doesn’t need endorsement deals the way Woods does.
Kelly Slater, the part-Syrian Australian, is or is not the Tiger Woods of surfing, depending on who you ask.
Jeremy Sonnenfeld was, for a while, the Tiger Woods of bowling—due to his age, not his ethnicity. England’s Robert Fulford was the Tiger Woods of croquet, again due to his age—though he was in competition for this title with Jacques Fournier. Same with the white Englishman Phil Taylor, the Tiger Woods of darts (and, by The Independent‘s measure, “Britain’s greatest living sportsman”). Although that was 2001, well before The Independent got around to writing about Lewis Hamilton, the young black Briton who is the Tiger Woods of F1 racing.
But if you are going to start crowding a non power sport with more than one person of color in it, be sure to do it correctly. Morgan describes how sports writers prefer to write about these anomalies.
Sports journalism tends to be celebratory, regardless of who is the focus of the story. With black athletes in atypical sports, stories rely on showcasing the player’s rare talent and fierce determination that have blessed him or her with the power to overcome whatever obstacles have kept blacks from joining, say, fencing teams in the past. It’s a very Billy Elliot version of The Blind Side.
But, as with The Blind Side, the story often becomes about how it takes a village of white people to transform a troubled kid by means of civilizing leisure. There’s the white adoptive family, the white coaches, the white private-school teachers, the white personal tutor.
See! While a high profile career in sports requires mostly insanely intense focus, determination, strength and a high pain tolerance, there is also a secret ingredient…if you’re of color. I don’t think we need to watch the video again to remind us of what that secret ingredient is, but just in case you wanna, here it is.
Aaaand, in case you’re worried that all these Tiger Woods of whatevers will make it more difficult for you to stand out at your next lacrosse meet or equestrian trial, don’t worry, Chris Rock is here to remind us of things of colors shouldn’t do…so that we Oreos can proudly go forth, do them and confuse!
His upcoming movie, The First Star, tells the story of people being baffled by black skiiers. Much the way Essence was, Morgan says a few years back.
in 1989, Essence ran a story on the National Brotherhood of Skiers; they marveled at “the sight of all those sisters and brothers at the summit, out there on the mountain at the crack of dawn, even after partying all night.
Oh, right…Essence is a black magazine…don’t worry. I only learned that in research for this post.
I was pouring through an old scrapbook that featured photos from my first madrigal dinner, my sheet music for my first aria and my award for The Great Gatsby look alike contest.
I also found one of the things that tipped the scale toward Oreo when I was young: a wrapper featuring…rappers.
Maybe you do or maybe you don’t remember “Rap Snacks.” A gift from the mid-90s, I can only assume that these treats were designed to pick up where regular chips left off. Lays, Doritos, they just didn’t capture the true flavor (flava?) that was out there. So Rap Snacks swooped in.
Flavors like “Barbecuing with my honey” leaves eaters wondering if they’re about to enjoy something that tastes like BBQ, honey, or smoke and small talk, or maybe a hodgepodge of all three with a little Romeo finish on the palate.
I knew from the fact that these chips were only marketed in inner cities, that the messages on them were meant for RBP. The rappers and vaguely inspiration text (“Stay in School!” and “No Ring…No THING!”) sent a message loud and clear.
My friends had pleasant marketing thrown at them. Well-designed, crisp logos and smart slogans, rather than cliche maxims greeted them when they shopped. I liked those ad attempts much better and so I marched toward them.
Clearly from the contemporaries on the Rap Snacks, we haven’t seen the last of the Snacks…unless you live in a zip code with decent property taxes.
For the record, I’ll take my chips in standard flavors, thank you: sea salt and fresh ground pepper, onion and chive and peach tartin.
Also included in that decade’s marketing genius were Chumpies Potato Chips, Homegirls “It’s All That” Potato Chips and James Brown Cookeez.
No, Sandy. Thank YOU! 🙂
I, along with millions of others, waited with bated breath as envelopes were opened and my work as an Oreo was thankfuly confirmed!
(First, I must pause to say, let’s hear it for the interpretive dance number…am I right!!!)
So many good things in this year’s 82nd Annual Academy Awards Ceremony. Director Kathryn Bigelow was awarded as the first female to win Oscar for Best Director for her work on The Hurt Locker. And in precious news to all those who are trying to escape their ethnicity, Sandra Bullock won for Best Actress for her work in the Oreo-tastic film, The Blind Side.
Bonus points for screenwriter Geoffrey Fletcher and actress Mo’Nique for their work on Precious. Extra bonus points goes to ‘Nique for leading us into the final Barbara Walters interview with some weird talk about how she and her husband are allowed to have sex with other people and an up close and personal look at how she doesn’t shave her legs. Why limit the conversation to tasteful, reasonable topics? We have an image to uphold and thus work against, here!
Bonus, bonus, bonus points for her ending the segment, not with the poised Mo’Nique we saw at the Academy Awards, but for sassing it up, just to remind us that we really only want the Academy to be just so progressive. Otherwise, of colors look just like regular people and all of our work is in vain.
It’s great for women that the seal has been broken by Bigelow and that the nation can see that a woman is capable of directing a powerful, tense and gripping film with complex characters and a moving story.
Thank goodness then, that we are keeping of colors in the box that we as Oreos and Oreo adjacents need them to be in.
By awarding a screenwriter for writing about the worst of of colorness and an actress for playing the worst of colorness while also awarding another actress for taking care of of colors when (per the other film featuring black people that was nominated for an Academy Award) no one else can, the Academy has reminded all of us of just how great it will be to shun our skin and ascend into true Oreodom.
Nevermind that TBS leaves out a few key points of the story as writer Prairie Miller puts it:
“… The Blind Side excels at expressing the profound maternal affection and protective instincts Tuohy develops for this lost young soul, other troubling matters that come to light are skimmed over, and never quite resolved with dramatic assurance. In particular, the formal charges that were eventually leveled against Tuohy and Oher’s high school football coach Hugh Freeze, by the National Collegiate Athletic Association. And essentially, that the boy was being financially exploited by this family seeking legal guardianship over him. Along with Freeze, who eventually got a paid position at the college, where both pressured for his matriculation as a student participant in football.
Eventually Freeze was found in ethical violation, though the movie avoids a deeper exploration of rampant exploitation of ghetto youth in sports. A far better film this year that tackles those issues head on, is the Anna Boden/Ryan Fleck candid Dominican baseball drama indie, Sugar.”
Peccadilloes like legal quandaries are a small price to pay for keeping the social order in check.
Bonus points to me for DVRing this shindig so that I can watch both those fantastic pas de deux and see Sandy bring it home for me again and again and again.
It's TOE's paper anniversary! Share a square with us.
It’s almost been a year since The Oreo Experience went live. And anniversaries are perfect times to quietly wonder why you got where you are in the first place. With TOE’s paper anniversary on the horizon, I can’t help but smile when I think just how far we’ve come through self-loathing.
Not sure you’ve got the guts to hate your guts? Chin up, little soldiers, I bet you do! It’s not just people of color who can hate the skin they’re in. I bet if you try hard enough, you can come up with all kinds of things to try and hide. If not, try these tips. I’ll keep the kleenex and the number to my therapist handy.
1. Look in the Mirror. Forget the schmaltz on How to Look Good Naked. We have a standard in this day and age and chances are, you’re falling short. I know I am. I would instantly be relegated to quirky best friend in a movie about my own life. Freckles, water retention, teeth too white, outie, size 4.? The mass media would crap on your reflection, why not join them?
2. Hijack your friends’ email. You know how you mention your pals’ peccadillos behind their backs? Well, the good news is, they do, too! Scan a few of their emails. Whether it’s the debby downerism, the constant cheerfulness or the fact that you don’t like your foods to touch, you’ll soon know which habit they crucify you for so that you can start driving in the nails, as well!
3. Swing from your family tree. You don’t even have to go as far as reunion to see what freaky fish are swimming in your gene pool. Just grab a couple of photos and read the body language. Dollars to donuts, you’ll be able to tell in under a minute what your mom really thinks of your stepdad’s fashion choices or if there’s not a little House of Yes action between those two cousins. Give the fam a phone call and listen to them bitch about each other and you’ll get a good idea what you inherited that’s worthy of hate.
4. Watch television. When all else fails and you’re still feeling pretty good about who you are, turn on the TV. Chances are, unless you’re Gerard Butler, your demographic is represented pretty badly. Watch a few eps to see what people in power really think of you and you’ll be on the self-bashing bandwagon in no time.
I bet if he tried hard enough, he'd be one of us, too!
Inspired by Binyavanga Wainaina’s article “How to Write about Africa,” The Oreo Experience presents a handful of tips on how to write about not Africans, but African Americans. (Please, please do read Mr. Wainaina’s article. Excellent, sound advice there.) There are many similarities, but a few key differences.
Find a way to incorporate “soul,” “color,” “brother” or “dark” into your title or subhead. This will immediately clue your readers into the fact that this article is about someone of color. You need to let people know that awkward material is on the horizon. Bonus points if you can work some sort of ghetto/urban/ebonics into your title, too!
Never write about middle to upper middle class African Americans. Your audience will recognize that this can’t possibly be the experience of RPB and it will ring false.
Keep it down, low. Whether you’re writing about rising unemployment and continued high poverty, how the recession is hitting blacks harder than others, the burden felt by pioneers, higher levels of diabetes or HIV, or food deserts in of color communities, remember, no one should be smiling by the time they get to your end paragraph. Articles about doctors doing amazing things, academics rising to great heights
and well-to-do families adopting kids really need to focus off of of colors in order to ring true.
And as important as it is to write this way, Oreos, it’s important to keep reading, too. If you’re not sure why you’re fighting the Oreo fight, click on any of those links in Tip #3 and you’ll be back on the self-loathing track in no time!
Be sure to check back in next week when we discuss how to cast an actor of color in your film or television show!
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