Born That Way

We all have super power (so say the Marketing kids down at Virgin Atlantic). Some of us will use those powers to have high-level jobs. Some of us will use our powers to serve the cool. Guess who gets to do what. (Also thanks to Sociological Images for their write-up on this commercial.)

You’d think they’d at least employ the girl with psychic powers to at least work in the control tower to prevent crashes or some such. Or maybe make the precog with outstanding reflexes at least an Air Marshall. But no, much better to keep those two serving drinks and handing out tissues (which you don’t need to have Dr. Xavier style powers to do).

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Cheerios Girl and The Art of the Awkward Interview

Once upon a couple of weeks ago, Cheerios released an adorable commercial where an adorable little girl uses adorable kid logic and adorably pours Cheerios all over her sleeping father to help him stay healthy.

Cute, right?  Haha! Wrong! At least to a good chunk of the online community, anyway.

Cheerios had to close the comments section under this video due to racism. And this week, the little girl at the center of the blended family controversy spoke out…ish.

While young Grace is not an Oreo Oreo (she’s mixed race, not in denial), she’s made of enough cutes to get an honorary mention. Plus, during her interview with NBC, she shows us some great ways to handle the awkwardness that comes when people see that you’re the one thing that’s not like the others.

So the next time you find yourself at the wrong end of an inquiry, remember what Grace would do and try the following:

Wear a jaunty cardigan. No one wants to trouble someone in a delicate sweater. So not only do the long sleeves hide the evidence of your melanin, you get bonus points because the warm fuzzy fabric makes everyone around feel warmer and fuzzier themselves.

Smile and stare in lieu of answering. Making someone ask the same question more than 2 times in a row usually draws attention to the how weird/unnecessary/obvious/rude the question in the first place. So instead of answering, allow yourself a little time delay. You’ll find you won’t have to say very much and maybe not even answer the question at all. If

Look as cute as possible. Delivering a blank stare instead of a canned answer might come across as rude in some circles. But not if you’re super adorbs about it! So rose up those cheeks (yes, guys, you can do this, too), dig in those dimples, shine up that twinkle in your eye and get ready to deflect.

Bring back up. When possible, surround yourself with at least two other people with more patience than you have. It helps if they’re taller and if maybe one of them is white. (What am I saying, Oreos? Haha ‘maybe one of them.’ Obvi, both will be!) You can always use a head-tossing giggle to throw the question to them, ask them to translate or just stand a bit behind them and blend into the background.

Start talking to yourself. When all else fails, just start having a conversation with yourself instead of whoever bugging you. They’ll leave you alone.

Watch the interview here and see these tips in action!


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Dove – Washing Away Dirt, Oil and Skin Tone – Yay

You remember Dove. The beauty brand that brought us the “love yourself as you are” ads like these:

Look how much fun it is to hang out in your undies with your multicultural best gal pals!!!


They also brought us this “don’t fall for the beauty myth” video:

Apparently, though, they still want to remind us that while you maybe okay with your off-model freckled self, freckles better be able to show up.

In this ad, the soap promises users “visibly more beautiful skin” and shows before and after pictures. Do note the women that the words “before” and “after” are over.

It’s this kind of subtle and not-at-all-a-point-of-concern-for-dove’s-well-paid-marketing-team messaging that I rely on to remind myself why I’m trying to hard to escape my ethnicity. Thanks, Dove. I can only hope the soap works as well at this ad says. Fingers crossed!!


Facebook – now helping your actual, unfortunately colored, face!

I’ve talked before about how much I disagree with skin lightening products like these. In the adverts (ooh, fun British word) for these products, the audience is told that their dingy brown skin is keeping them from a good job/a better apartment/a non-dingy, brown colored lover…ie: happiness.

Um, yeah. That’s kind of a given.

But using skin lightening products is just cheating! The whitening should come from within! It should be your dressage trophies, your extensive Flight of the Conchords collection or your table at French Laundry that makes people think you’re whiter than you are.


Enter facebook. You thought someone not replying to your totally clever status update dinged your self esteem? Well, suck it up and try this!  Thanks to an application sponsored, it seems,  by Vaseline (a corporation, thankfully, that is large enough to reach millions of people with one commercial) you can see what you’d look like if an Oreo’s wildest dreams came true.

This app lets you upload a picture of yourself, then correct your skin tone to see what you would look like if God were just a tick kinder.

Log on, give it a whirl and let us know how it goes!!

Get the Loathing Started Young

Gather the kids around the computer, this one’s for them!

Hey kids of color. Wanna worry about you ability to achieve as much as your teachers do? Then check out the ad at this FootAction store!

I’m not sure which is more horrible. The thug with the grill or the girl much too young for boobs wearing a dress that shows off where her boobs will be while some nowhere near-man boy touches where her underboob will develop in about 10 years. Either way, none of those words should be associated with children. My apologies.

Anyone wanna join me in a cleansing round of cricket?

Good Steak: rbst- hormone- and minority-free!

Hard work ethic, check.

Solid business plan with proven track record, check.

Popular franchise with more than 400 locations in 16 countries, check.

Getting rid of minority face, check!

This is the story of Charley’s Grilled Subs. As the list above suggests, they’re doing just fine for themselves. So when the company decided to tell its history, it did what any self loather would do: changed the face of the owner from this:

To this guy:

Click on the link to the Charley’s website above and you’ll see that in the history section of the site, they tell the story of Charley’s rise to success though the hazely and rounded eyes of the green shirted gent above.  Nevermind Charley Shin’s actual story, which you can find here.

Charley has obviously seen great success, but now, he’s found the greatest success of all: shedding that exterior and letting the creme of his Twinkieness shine through.

Finally realizing the final part of the American dream, check!

Coconuts – Pick Verizon for Coverage in Spainexico

Here’s an ad that Coconuts should enjoy. Nevermind that Mariachi and Sombreros are distinctly Mexican in origin, according to Verizon, they come from Spain. Also never mind that there are gorgeous landmarks, bustling city centers and lush natural areas with which to illustrate the country Spain, much better to boil a country down to stereotypes that keep the Coconut population booming.

Wouldn't you rather go here, to Verizon's Spain than.... "actual" Spain?

That second “Spain” doesn’t even look like they could make a decent taco!