lesbians

What’s the Oreo equivalent for this guy? Suggestions Please!

We’ve talked about it briefly before, but is there a term for a gay person who hopes to be seen as straight?

Hmm, charming, attractive and talented? Yeah, I definitely don't want this guy pretending to be after me!

The inspiration for discovering this term comes to us courtesy of Newsweek’s Ramin Setoodeh, an openly gay man in the media who writes that gay actors shouldn’t play straight people. He criticizes Sean Hayes and his current performance on Broadway in Promises, Promises and Jonathan Groff who plays a straight guy on Glee.

He says that neither of these guys’ performances are believable because they are, irl, gay dudes.

Thank you for the head’s up, Ramin. And thanks for sending more would-be’s to the self loathing fold!

Nothing’s going to freak out some up and coming young actors more than hearing that because of who they are, they should be prohibited from accepting the vast majority of roles in film and television. I can almost hear the collective cry from kids who haven’t come out yet (and thanks to you, sir, might never get around to breathing that sigh of relief) in theater arts departments all over the country.

Picture it with me! Scores of young men are now criticizing every syllable they utter–was that a near lisp, they’ll think, or did I just stutter? They will watch their feet as they walk to make sure there’s no hint of a super gay sashay…but what if they’re just side stepping to avoid their own tears? Oh well, better man up!  Otherwise, there will be a critic like Ramin to remind them that as gay folk, they’re just not good enough.

It’s a good thing that Ramin hasn’t noticed how  highly trained and experienced actors go through years and years of practice and preparation to erase biases they may bring to a character. Or that he overlooked the fact that straight actors play gay, that back in the day men played women. And no one tell him that Idina Menzel is not really a green witch, that David Hasslehoff is not really a mad scientist capable of creating a serum that can split a person’s personality into two distinct halves, that Josh Brolin is not George W. Bush and that Cate Blanchette is not John Lennon.

And why leave out the lesbians? Ramin cites a couple of guys in his piece, but doesn’t seem to think that

Sometimes masks fit so well, why bother taking them off, huh Ramin?

Lesbians playing not-lesbians is a apparently not a problem. Poor ladies, why let them get away with being okay with themselves. C’mon, Ramin, without adding the gals to the you-should-self-hate list, it’s like some sort of weird affirmative action program. And we all know how horrible those are.

So what is the Oreo version of the straight gay? If an Oreo is someone who is black on the outside, but white on the inside, what’s the word for someone who’s actually gay, but presents as a socially acceptable breeder? Spaghetti squash? Testicle? (c’mon, the latter–they’re basically smoothish on the outside and inside filled with, well, lots of not straight biological tubing)

And what do you think? Should actors have to put height, weight, training and sexual preference on their head shots?

The Benefits of Blending in: You Get to Have Kids!

Gays: In case you were thinking that the dismantling of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell was a good idea in that will allow more people to feel free to express themselves without fear of reproach in their chosen career, think about the consequences! If you all of a sudden suggest that people should stop repressing themselves just for the comfort of those around them, be ready to be ridiculed. If you aren’t holding it in with all of your might…you know what you might turn into.

Consider this: The Florida Family Planning Council, a conservative Christian group in Jeb’s state, recently released a newsletter to its followers featuring this picture.

Lesbians, per the FFPC

The picture was printed with a story about an evil judge who ripped some poor, defenseless orphan out of the potentially endless and often dangerous cycle of foster care and handed it over to lesbians to be loved and raised in a stable and nurturing environment. The caption in the newsletter identified one of the people pictured as one of the new moms and sent ripples of fear through the folks who read the newsletter.

After all, how dare a judge put a child in a home with ladies who are not only gay, but, you know, really really gay.

Turns out, however, that this is a picture of the actual couple:

Actual lesbians. Actually.

The FFPC asserted that they accidentally ran the wrong photo and issued a quasi-pology in the comments section of a Florida reporter’s column.

The FFPC is an organization that successfully lobbies local governments for changes to laws. This is a group made up of educated, professional people including many lawyers and doctors. They write articles, they draft letters, they blog and design web pages. They have been around for eight years. They know a whole lot about the life cycle of a fetus and have memorized tomes of religious text. Per all the photos on their website, they know how to exclude people of color from an organization in a state with a minority population of almost 40 percent– 6 percentage points higher than the rest of the country.  They know the ins and outs of the judicial system and can organize a great big gathering in a pinch. So, really, they don’t have the know-how to check a photo for accuracy?

Of course they do! Which makes the fact that they chose not to even more genius! They knew that lesbians who looked like “lesbians” were way scarier than you know….lesbians. Especially when you consider that the President of the organization said that none of his readers complained about the printing error.

So, ladies, don’t run the risk of that bob being too short.  Comfort the rest of the world by growing that hair out and buying shirts that minimize those shoulders. We can go get your highlights while I touch up my relaxer!