oreo

International Need for Oreos

I dug up some journal entries from my trip abroad. Here is one of them.

Dateline: Amsterdam. Even among the pastoral tulip fields and gently twirling windmills, it was impossible to escape the sting of my ethnicity.

I spent some time traveling with a friend to a few cities and here was the conversation I overheard while

I ate my feelings that day. And they were delicious!

waiting on line for dutch pancakes.

Friend: Pardon. Zit hier iemand?

Local: No, the seat’s free.

Friend: Oh, you speak English.

Local: Yeah. Where are you from?

Friend: The states. Los Angeles.

Local: Oh, I hear it’s dangerous there.

Friend: Can be.

Local: Because of the blacks?*

A moment later, I sat down in front of my friend and my new Dutch buddy with a plate of piping hot pannenkoeken. Now, had I not been a practiced Oreo, I would have wanted to pour those piping hot pannenkoeken down the front of my new buddy’s shirt. But, being the Oreo that I am, I supported his point.

Me: Well, you just have to pay attention to where you are. If you come visit, you’ll see. That’s why I moved to Hancock Park.

I could have made him feel suuuper uncomfortable. But instead, I fostered international relations with the right conversation and my appreciation of perfectly pressed pancakes.

*It’s been suggested that I’m making up some of these stories. But no. Really. I’m not.

For other uncomfortable moments I didn’t make up. Check out these posts on phone etiquette, getting out of a parking ticket and talking to kids.

New Oreo Rule: Enjoy April Fools Day b/c Normally Black People Don’t??

Do not try to make this guy laugh--by ruining his $73,000 car. He will not laugh. At all.

This guy says black people don’t like pranks.

Unfortunately, African-American’s — particularly black men — don’t take too well to pranks or April Fool’s Jokes. Sad but true.

He also uses apostrophes incorrectly, but that’s a different issue.

For evidence, he cites Punk’d and basketballer Kenyon Martin’s negative reaction to having his Range Rover filled with buttered popcorn.

I can understand Kenyon’s anger. If you’re going to fill up a luxury vehicle with a food that will severely damage its interior, does it have to be something so carby?

Full story is here.

Don’t forget other Oreo rules like how to bring sexyback to the plantation.  How to write about regular black people. And what to do when you find yourself face to face with another well studied Oreo.

Baby Oreos, Coconuts, Twinkies!

Look at these little guys and girls! They’re so excited to see in this woman what they could be. And if they work very hard, what they will be some days.

Awww, reminds me of me when I was their age.

Thanks, Pampers. For ensuring that Oreodom continues from generation to generation.

See also: Other Food Based Nicknames, Oreo Origins, and Why Self Loathing is Good For You.

Left, Right and Children – Everyone helps to make more Oreos!

You know how worried I am that in post-racial America, I don’t have to spend nearly $200 a pop to get my hair straight or to not let anyone see me watching Waiting to Exhale on a lazy Sunday afternoon.

But thanks to Bill, Bill and dreamy dreamy Anderson, I know that I am on the right track and that distancing myself from RBP.

Here’s Bill O’Reilly telling a guest he looks like a drug dealer. And Oreo points to the dealer professor for a) going on The O’Reilly factor in the first place b) not being upset and c) adding a terrific punchline

Here’s Bill Maher explaining how the President should handle the oil spill.

And here’s some young Oreos in the making.

(in the spirit of fair and balanced coverage…I did start my career as a reporter, after all…if you click around the CNN page there, there are a handful of varied results…but they’re not all that varied)

Oreo Origins: College

You learn a lot on a college campus. A lot.

A story coming out of Harvard Law School fondly reminded me of one of an experience I had when visiting colleges during my senior year of high school.

The Harvard story goes like this: A promising young law student says to her friends via email:

“I just hate leaving things where I feel I misstated my position,’’ Grace wrote. “I absolutely do not rule out the possibility that African-Americans are, on average, genetically predisposed to be less intelligent.’’

Way to go law student for applying the logic you have bee learning in school to a major social issue! With so few of color students (let’s hear it for my Ivy League Oreos!) pahking their cahs in Hahvahd’s garahge, it only stands to reason that it’s because your RBP is well, just not as bright.

And that reminded me of an inspiring day on the campus of a school I was considering attending.

The year I graduated from college, my home state repealed any sort of affirmative action practices in schools. What this one college took that to mean is that they shouldn’t allow any minority students to attend their weekly summer sleepover recruiting events. So they pulled the minority students out of the early scheduled sessions and put us all into to one camp session.

Not cool. Because there we were. About 200 Oreos and Coconuts at the tops of our class with our Bad Religion tapes and our composition notebooks full of angsty poetry, forced to hang out with a bunch of other of colors.

And then this doozie at lunch:

College (aged) counselor: You guys are so lucky to be minorities.

Minorities: Oh?

C(A)C: Yeah! You guys can get into school and not have to be smart or anything!

I don’t know what became of that girl, but she left an impression that day. I resolved to stand up for who I was.

A proud Oreo.

The conversation shifted to field hockey and John Hughes and I’m pretty sure that by the end of that chat, she was wondering if we were really minorities or not.

For proof of how much fun it is to be a minority on a college campus, check out this party, this club and go back to school with a little pop quiz.

Healthy Reminders

One of the motivators that helps me stay on track is the fact that according to society things featuring non-colors are just things while things featuring of colors are…different.

Example

White brides are just “brides.” Black brides are not just brides.

Black people do not enjoy Jurassic Park or Mortal Kombat. (btw, I was all about the icy spit thing when I was a young Oreo!)

What do you call it when you separate people or things by race? That’s right…inspiration!!