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Trailer Talk

Movies always help remind Oreos why we’re trying to hard to escape our ethnicity. Whether it’s the accoladed The Blind Side reminding us that benevolent white folks could save us

If anyone can turn things around, it's you RM!

from the plight suffered by the ladies in Precious and For Colored Girls or the omission of of colors from regular movies with playful plots, seeing as many movies as possible is crucial for an Oreo’s education because they often reinforce why we try so hard not to be so black.

Here’s some of what’s playing this weekend and, based on their trailers, some Oreo advice on what to see.

Morning Glory: Rachel McAdams is a plucky TV producer who saves the day.

What White People Do In This Movie: show concern for their daughter, posses an optimistic spirit, run hard in heels, star in morning news magazines, hire people, go a little bit mad, hold silly beliefs, work as technical directors, eat at diners, have sex, hold on against the odds, put people in their places, own Macs, have pain from childhood, kiss a frog–a real frog, not a metaphoric frogI.

What Black People Do In This Movie: rap, dry hump a co-host while wearing a sumo outfit…you know, regular black people things.

Skyline: Aliens are assholes.

What White People Do In This Movie: Be famous newscasters, remind us that genocide sucks,drink a lot, sleep with their lovers, take photographs, be unnecessarily hot during a disaster, have badass tatts, ignore warnings.

What Black People Do In This Movie: Black guy from Scrubs might save the day?? He’s holding a gun…of course he might just be uppity, we don’t know yet.

This movie does iterate one important Oreo rule. Black guy from Scrubs seems to be the one of color in his circle of friends. So good for him, and them, for keeping the ratios right.

Unstoppable: Chris Pine is hot and I was an extra in a movie with him, unfortunately, he didn’t take off his shirt in that one. Also, Denzel might have escaped his ethnicity.

What White People Do In This Movie: Be the new guy, throw down some sass, have a wife and kids, teach children, have a horse, take part in saving the day.

What Black People Do In This Movie: Be the old guy, appreciate sass, have two daughters, discover the disaster,take part in saving the day…

WTF, Tony Scott? This movie seems like characters were written as characters and not caricatures. Casting seems to have been based on a balance of chemisty and box office draw. That’s not how youmake a movie. Didn’t you see Morning Glory?

Due Date – Okay, I finally kind of like Zach Gailfianakis. Also, RDJ…marry me.

What White People Do In This Movie: regret family issues, ask too many questions, laugh inappropriately, have a dog, have a baby, get trigger happy,

What Black People Do In This Movie: look irritated, do a spit take, help RDJ hurt his traveling companion.

For Colored Girls – F*ck you, Tyler Perry

What White People Do In This Movie: Buy tickets for other movies.

What Black People Do In This Movie: Speak poetically, practice scary religions, live in scary neighborhoods, glare at their women, go on a date, cry in mirrors, cry in trashcans, cry in their apartments, cry in their condos, cry while standing, get preggers, cry in a hospital….Jesus, life sucks for these people!

Now, I do love Lorette Devine and Phylisha Rashad and would love to talk to them about their experiences…just not at the same time or in the same room. See Oreo rule discussed in the Skyline entry.

I actually won’t have time to see any of these movies this weekend, because I’ll be shooting my own piece of cinema–“White (on the inside) Christmas”–look for it in December!! And if you do check out any movies this weekend, let us know in the comments what you thought of ’em!

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Leave a comment here or at any of the above and let us know what you think!

Looking Good From Behind

Fall seems to have finally arrived in Los Angeles. It was all of 60 degrees  yesterday, so all of us Angelenos trotted out our winter wear. Fall is definitely my favorite season. I love the pumpkin spice lattes, the smell of burning fireplaces, the way people feel cozier…

The right clothes protect you from the elements…and from yourself. I love the pumpkin spice lattes, the smell of burning fireplaces, the way people start to feel more cozy….

But most of all, I love the fact that with long pants, a turtleneck, gloves, a scarf and a fresh hair relaxer, I can totally pass for a not-black…until I drop my Brooks Brothers catalog and someone sees my face, that is. Oh well, I’ll still savor the moment when I have ’em fooled.

What’s your favorite season; or what do you love/hate about the current one? Let us know in the comments!

The Minority Report – Megamind

Rejoicing at his advanced tickets to For Colored Girls. He is of color, after all.

Welcome to The Minority Report–a super short Oreo-centric movie review.

Megamind

The minority population of Metrocity consists of  one black baby who has a black mother and two brown guys in prison. Wondering if one of them is the baby daddy.

Also, there is apparently only one woman worth falling in love with in the whole city.

Questions: What do you think of characters who are not traditional colors. Like Mr. Mind. Does making someone blue (or green or magenta or an animal or whatever) remove/augment/affect ethnicity at all? Any funny, goofy ethnic actors come to mind who could have played Mega…or any of the other roles for that matter?

Craigslist Missed Connections: Swinging

To: The Other Black Guy at Swing Dancing Last Night,

One, two, rock-step, one, two, rock-step....away from ethnic expectations.

Congratulations first on following the Oreo rules and going to an event where you would most likely be the only of color in attendance. I apologize for not checking the memo and also showing up, I know it was awkward to be in such close proximity.

Also congratulations on fantastic footwork. Your Lindy is enviable.

Finally, thank you for not asking me to dance when we were the only two people without partners during “L-O-V-E.”

Sure, we were wasting time just standing there while a perfectly good song was playing and there was room on the dance floor. But we already looked silly in our saddle shoes and sailor pants. No need to look like RBP as well.

Best,

OW

Question: As an Oreo, I naturally feel most comfortable when I’m in a predominantly non-colored crowd–when no one in the restaurant/movie theater/saddlery looks like me. But does it work the other way? How do you feel when you’re in a crowd where no one looks like you? Let us know in the comments!

 

A Note to the Ladies of Color I Met Saturday Night on Hollywood Blvd.

Hi girls,

Normally, Oreo rules state that I just avoid eye contact with RBP and keep walking. But I think we have more in common that you might

Unless you have a team like this, just go with one dress size up.

think, so I wanted to send you a quick note to let you know that the dresses you were wearing last night while you waited for that bouncer to notice you are too small.

And trust me, I get the temptation that comes when you go through all the trouble pour yourself into a snug and unforgiving outfit. You just spent all that energy–you kind of just want to go with it.

I mean, whenever I go to a Renaissance Festival, I always want a front-lacing corset. They’re so cute!  But they are also less forgiving, so I suck it up–quite literally while someone laces me up from the back. It’s not that I can’t wear any corset, I just can’t wear certain ones. The same goes for you and those dresses. There are many that would be flattering. The ones you were wearing were not those.

Actually, you should come with me to a Ren Fest some time! I know you’re thinking that the girls standing outside of the club from which Toot It and Boot It was pumping might not be the gals who would enjoy a day full of 16th century costumes, food and Maypole decorating, but I saw those gnarly 6-inch gladiator heels you were wearing–so you’re obviously into torture devices. That’s half the fun of a Ren Fest! I’ll send you the evite.

-OW

Be afraid, be very afraid….and tell everyone!

Just in time for Halloween, we have a chance to talk about some things Oreos should fear–what entities might populate an Oreo Haunted House. Things

Which is scarier, Juan? A burka or this?

like mannequins with un-relaxed hair, people who listen to hip hop and, of course, other of colors.

It’s not only helpful to have a healthy fear of other of colors, but you should also do your best to let non colors know how you feel.

Enter NPR’s Fox News’s Juan Williams–who we already love for declaring that racism is a thing of the past and that there’s something wrong with of colors in the same article.

This week, the confusingly-named Mr. Williams was fired from his post at NPR and given a huge raise at Fox because he said that he was afraid of cultural traditions.

“I mean, look, Bill, I’m not a bigot….But when I get on a plane, I got to tell you, if I see people who are in Muslim garb and I think, you know, they’re identifying themselves first and foremost as Muslims, I get worried. I get nervous,” Williams said.

Well, of course he gets nervous! The way people dress totally tells you all you need to know about them. Folks I meet know that I’m nonthreatening because no one who wears argyle, pleated skirts and authentic 19th century antebellum corsets would ever cut a bitch.

Williams’ logic is pretty straightforward. People who look like other people might align with those people. It’s the same logic that tells me that when I see an RBP with his hat to the side and saggy pants wander into the saloon where I go swing dancing, I know he’s either looking for a restroom or a job application and probably isn’t there to help me practice my aerials.

So it goes that someone wearing traditional Muslim garb on an airplane (you know, what the hijackers weren’t wearing that day, but what other Muslims wear sometimes) you might have a reaction.

But do be careful of going overboard with this logic. Just because the vast majority of sexual assault crimes are committed by men doesn’t mean that women need to get their panties in a bunch every time a guy walks in the room. Just because most serial killers are white doesn’t mean I should freak out when a member of my blanchetourage asks me if I want to hang out. Just because my tenth grade tutor lambasted me for my use of meter in free verse doesn’t mean that I burst into tears at the sight of a sweater vest.

As an Oreo, you’ll want to limit the logic to of colors and leave the safe groups alone.

What do you think? And who are you afraid of? Let us know in the comments!

Oreo Fun Facts and Updates!

FACT:  The music video “White (on the inside) Christmas” will not be the first time that director Geoffrey Plitt and I have worked together. It also won’t be the first time he reminded me why I love being an Oreo so much!

Here’s the story!

The social cred that comes with being an Oreo doesn’t stop at things like making people feel comfortable enough to casually use racial epithets in conversation or not having to show your ticket to get back into a crowded improv theater. Sometimes, you get really cool opportunities!

When my Geoff needed someone to play Michelle Obama in an hilarious short musical, he thought long and hard to find someone who was experienced, talented, could take direction, cared for the cause…and who was black.

And thanks to the limited number of of colors in independent comedy viral videos, he found me!

Check out me playing the first lady here!

Very excited to work with Geoff again on White (on the inside) Christmas!!

A big thank you to everyone who’s joined the team through our Kickstarter campaign. You guys have made it incredibly successful and we really really appreciate it!

There’s just a couple of days left to sign up. And remember, joining the team by pledging any amount gets you cool perks like the password to protected blog posts where production videos and Oreo secrets will be revealed! Click here to see our Kickstarter page with more video updates, comments from other backers and more info about the video shoot including song excerpts and storyboards!

And coming up soon! New posts and videos about some questionable fashion choices, why the confusingly named Juan Williams is an Oreo icon and news on a chance to see The Oreo Experience on stage in LA.

“She’s Not a Racist”

This guy sets the bar pretty high for Oreos. He’s got it all working together–the classy job, the nice, but conservative suit, those neat, invisible-rimmed glasses, newspapers in front of him, opinions on current political affairs, an all-American sounding accent…and the ability to clench his jaw tighter than a virgin on prom night and still be polite.