Be afraid, be very afraid….and tell everyone!

Just in time for Halloween, we have a chance to talk about some things Oreos should fear–what entities might populate an Oreo Haunted House. Things

Which is scarier, Juan? A burka or this?

like mannequins with un-relaxed hair, people who listen to hip hop and, of course, other of colors.

It’s not only helpful to have a healthy fear of other of colors, but you should also do your best to let non colors know how you feel.

Enter NPR’s Fox News’s Juan Williams–who we already love for declaring that racism is a thing of the past and that there’s something wrong with of colors in the same article.

This week, the confusingly-named Mr. Williams was fired from his post at NPR and given a huge raise at Fox because he said that he was afraid of cultural traditions.

“I mean, look, Bill, I’m not a bigot….But when I get on a plane, I got to tell you, if I see people who are in Muslim garb and I think, you know, they’re identifying themselves first and foremost as Muslims, I get worried. I get nervous,” Williams said.

Well, of course he gets nervous! The way people dress totally tells you all you need to know about them. Folks I meet know that I’m nonthreatening because no one who wears argyle, pleated skirts and authentic 19th century antebellum corsets would ever cut a bitch.

Williams’ logic is pretty straightforward. People who look like other people might align with those people. It’s the same logic that tells me that when I see an RBP with his hat to the side and saggy pants wander into the saloon where I go swing dancing, I know he’s either looking for a restroom or a job application and probably isn’t there to help me practice my aerials.

So it goes that someone wearing traditional Muslim garb on an airplane (you know, what the hijackers weren’t wearing that day, but what other Muslims wear sometimes) you might have a reaction.

But do be careful of going overboard with this logic. Just because the vast majority of sexual assault crimes are committed by men doesn’t mean that women need to get their panties in a bunch every time a guy walks in the room. Just because most serial killers are white doesn’t mean I should freak out when a member of my blanchetourage asks me if I want to hang out. Just because my tenth grade tutor lambasted me for my use of meter in free verse doesn’t mean that I burst into tears at the sight of a sweater vest.

As an Oreo, you’ll want to limit the logic to of colors and leave the safe groups alone.

What do you think? And who are you afraid of? Let us know in the comments!

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4 comments

  1. I’m afraid of the ad I clicked at the bottom of your page for this swarovski elements, which looks to be full of burkas and saris. I reported it immediately to HOmeland security.

  2. ROTFLMAO! No, you’re right, I think that wearing corsets definitely means you won’t ever cut a bitch. Unless it’s over the last crumpet at an afternoon tea of course.

    I am going to discuss this very topic with my journalism students today. I will let you know what they think. As for me? I’m still debating if NPR’s code of ethics (you know, you can’t say anything on the air anywhere else that you wouldn’t say on NPR) is actually ethical. What if my job demanded that I behave the same way outside of work as I do on the job? I would be a know-it-all, an obsessive compulsive, someone who constantly corrects other people, doesn’t smile at crude jokes, never crosses the line and doesn’t let other people to do so either, and insists on being called “doctor”.
    Oh wait. Hm.

  3. Oh yes, I have been known to get a bit on edge when someone gets to the last cucumber sandwich before me!

    It is a pretty stringent code of ethics, thought, but I think in this context it might be more about stating your opinions in a competing entity’s space. This wasn’t said at a conference for a non profit he’s a part of or over drinks with friends, it was said on Fox, which has a decidedly specific point of view on these things, which might confuse the issue or water down his appeal for NPR.

    I also wonder if this wasn’t a wildly orchestrated event since he’s walking away with a better contract and hefty salary.

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