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Diary of a Mad Black White Woman – Hail to the Chief

Dear Diary:

It’s obviously fun to blend inI’ve spent a lot of years, a lot of dollars and perfected a lot of grimaces at the salon to do so. I mean, who doesn’t want to look like you belong, to get the invitations to THE events and to not be shoved on the ground just because you bought an overpriced belt.

But getting profiled and being harassed based on your looks gives you cool stories, bro. Not getting profiled doesn’t. Hence the fact that my yesterday was fairly uneventful.

What, this? Oh, nothing. Just the leader of the free world hanging out where I have coffee everyday. nbd

What, this? Oh, nothing. Just the leader of the free world hanging out where I have coffee everyday. nbd
(photo courtesy of Madison Sellers)

I mean sure, President Obama came to my work and I got to see him speak from 30 metres away. Yes, that happened. But some of the people I worked with got to see the President speak from 30 metres away AND got to tell everyone how intense security was with them. At their obligatory dinners tomorrow, they’re going to be ones getting sympathy and attention because they were roughly turned away from stairwells, had dogs search their bags and got wands stuck in uncomfortable places.

I’ll only be getting sympathy and attention because my hosts will find it unfathomable that my jaw can actually unhinge and that that much stuffing can fit inside one human being. During our President’s Day, none of the SWAT/CIA/FBI/Secret Service/Glendale Police even looked twice at me. I got to go up a blocked off flight of stairs as a (white) co-worker was questioned before he could proceed up the same stairs. And even though I went through 2 mandatory metal detectors, when I held my arms out to let the guy rub that stick on me, both times I was waved on with nary even a flick of that stick. Apparently “stop and frisk” isn’t really that big of an issue.

BORING!

I know I’m supposed to be happy about this. The fact that I was ignored means that I blended in. The way that I looked, spoke and comported didn’t raise any hackles or pique any suspicions. According to law enforcement, I looked just like everyone else– a success in an Oreo’s book.

But I’m wondering: maybe becoming one with the majority isn’t just about being profiled or not. Maybe it’s about where and how you get profiled. Any ol’ RBP can get stopped in Beverly Hills or handcuffed in the Upper West Side. That’s to be expected. That’s what RBP do.  But since domestic terror suspects aren’t usually black people, maybe it should be the goal of a true and dedicated Oreo one day be mistaken for one (a terror suspect, not a black person, let’s not get crazy). Yes, I think that’s what it is.  It’s not that I’m impossible to please, it’s just that an Oreo’s work is never done.

I’m sure I’m in part just overreacting to what was a perfectly fine and historic event. So,  I’m going to get back to finishing this Earl Grey and quiche and start hoping for what will happen at airport security when I head back to London next fall. Fingers crossed that the stories will be epic! 

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The Minority Report – Megamind

Rejoicing at his advanced tickets to For Colored Girls. He is of color, after all.

Welcome to The Minority Report–a super short Oreo-centric movie review.

Megamind

The minority population of Metrocity consists of  one black baby who has a black mother and two brown guys in prison. Wondering if one of them is the baby daddy.

Also, there is apparently only one woman worth falling in love with in the whole city.

Questions: What do you think of characters who are not traditional colors. Like Mr. Mind. Does making someone blue (or green or magenta or an animal or whatever) remove/augment/affect ethnicity at all? Any funny, goofy ethnic actors come to mind who could have played Mega…or any of the other roles for that matter?

Studios Continue to “Help” Us Out

So, this week, a man of color helmed the passing of one of the most influential pieces of legislation in our lifetimes.

But don’t worry, that doesn’t mean that your average of colors are able to do much on their own. And remembering that fact is crucial to sticking to the Oreo lifestyle.

The Oreo Experience is therefore very excited to see casting news for “The Help.” The Help is based on the book of the same name by author Kathryn Stockett. In this book, a white woman comes home from college to find that her beloved maid is gone. She decides to look into the matter and after losing her precious possession, she figures out that racism is a bummer and then gives some RBP (other maids) the ability to break their chains.

Even better is who’s attached!!!

  • Author Kathryn Stockett: White.
  • Writer/Director Tate Taylor: Probably has freckles.
  • Likely starring (and discussed long before the two major RBP actresses who, despite TOE’s suggestion, must be in the film) Emma Stone: Totally sunburns.
  • Producer Christopher Columbus: I know, it’s too good to be true.

Who better to tell the story of some black women suffering from the oppression of a firmly entrenched class and race system? Just like Spielberg’s MLK flick, a core production team of this shade removes any hint of uncomfy verisimillitude from the whole process. Because movies should be fun, not awkward!

Making a movie about the lives of oppressed black women? Meet your dream team!!!

Novelist Kathryn Stockett

Lead Actress Emma Stone

Writer/Director Tate Taylor - dreamy...and creamy!

Producer Chris Columbus

Can’t wait to see what they’ll tackle next! Harriet Tubman biopic, anyone??

See also: MLK has a dream….that white people will make his movie, other movies The Oreo Experience loves and how inspiring movie trailers can be.