Oreo Advice – Navigating the N Word

No, please, say whatever you want!

As Dr. Laura reminded us this week, it’s Constitutionally important for non-colors to be able to say the n-word whenever they want. As an Oreo, you will be in a unique position to make those that feel marginally guilty about this to feel better and for those who don’t feel guilty to keep on feeling fine.

You see, non-colors generally won’t say the n-word in front of RBP (aka “LaT’Shawndreeans) because those folks are scary and will probably cut a bitch.

But Oreos, known for our tolerance discovered through assimilation will simply smile and nod.

You may, however, feel the need to point out some fairly obvious logic flaws in the arguments for using the n-word with abanadon, but control yourself. Otherwise, you run the risk of some suuuuper awkward moments. You know, more awkward than someone saying the n-word, say 11 times in what started as a polite conversation.

Below are some rules to follow to keep the conversation moving following the five stages of the n-word conversation.

1. ANGER: The conversation will usually start out with something heated like, “I don’t understand. Rappers and comedians say nigger all the time, why can’t I?”

DON’T point out the obvious by saying any of the following.

  • “That’s fine, but I’m not one of those rappers or comedians.”
  • “Sure, but who’s ultimately making most of the programming and/or distribution choices…who’s at the top of the TV networks and record companies…not other black people.”
  • “Rap and hip hop and cable is mostly consumed by white people, so they’re the ones being marketed to by the use of said word.”

2. DENIAL. What will usually follow is the personal approach that downplays potential emotional harm with something like, “There’s this guy at my office, Dwayne, he says it all the time, it can’t be a big deal.”

DON’T SAY:

  • “Okay, but I’m not Dwayne.”

3. BARGAINING: Then comes an attempt to compare a word developed to subjugate an entire race of people for generations to a high school prank and your conversation partner will say something like “..I mean, in high school, they called me Sticky Stick Stick, that hurt my feelings, but I got over it.”

DON’T say something like:

  • “Dude, why do you want to say this word so badly?”

4. DEPRESSION: That’s when they realize their civil liberties are being trampled and they’ll say something like “Hey, we have free speech here. I can say whatever I want.”

DON’T point out that even though “congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free speech thereof. Or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances” that that doesn’t mean that people are protected from someone disagreeing with them.

5. ACCEPTANCE: Then finally, they’ll acquiesce because the opera or lacrosse game is about to start and they’ll say something like, “I mean, I don’t get it, but I guess I just won’t say it. I mean, it’s just a word, it’s not like words can actually hurt you.”

DON’T then call them an fucking idiot cunt and then when they get offended tell them that it’s just words. Because that would just be rude.

What do you think? Whether you’re an Oreo or not, do you think we should toss the n-word back into an accepted lexicon like we did with “bitch”? Why do you think other ethnic groups do not seem to be having this conversation as loudly…we don’t see tons of Jewish comics debating the merits of the k-word.

And if you do wanna use it more often, just substitute it for “black guy” in any of these jokes, invite an Oreo to your next tapas tasting and have a ball!

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17 comments

  1. It’s my first day of college, and this just made it a whole lot better. Congrats– you just made me scare random passersby by lawl’ing at the screen. 😄

    You cuss like a sailor, but this post was pure and utter genius. End of.

    1. Artificial? More like Fartificial![]WordFrolic Reply:August 2nd, 2010 at 1:05 pmI know this much about life one can always count on old fnrieds to bring the fart jokes. Also, I think Fart Official would be a fun job.[]

    1. staying cooped up in his room with his aoctin figures and plastic dinosaurs was too artificial. He wasn’t entirely sure what that word meant either, and given the way she said it, he didn’t think it could mean what he hoped it did: “art official.” Benny sighs and rubs his palms over one another. He wishes she could understand being in here is better than being in the mud and muck. He can be anyone or anything in his own world. He doesn’t care if his world is real or not. Really, what makes it less so than the one out there?[]WordFrolic Reply:August 2nd, 2010 at 8:43 pmWow, Lauren, your description of the word residue is so odd and wonderful it made me smile. I used to work for a couple whose young son’s favorite word for a time was residue. Seeing it come up in another little boy context is very, very cool.[]

    1. The colour red can be brgiht or dark. Red is a colour, like blue, green, purple, pink, indigo, violet and orange. Red is the first colour of the beautiful rainbows that you get. Rubies are red. Scarlet is a different colour red. So is cherry. There are lots of different red things in the world. Here is a list: T-shirts, flowers, fire, poppies, fireworks, pens, nail vanish, hairbands and lots, lots more. Your favourite colour could be red. When you blush of feel embarrassed your face goes brgiht pinky red. Red is a primary colour along with blue and yellow.

  2. You are “smart”, and funny as hell. Well, not hell, but do.ethi g really funny and hot.

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