On The Menu – Fitting in – (Imported from Germany)

Mmmm, sweet potato bisque with a side of acculturation!

People are making quite a to-do over German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s comments this weekend that immigrants who speak German with an accent are making the entire country dumber. During a speech last weekend, Merkel said:

“This approach has failed, totally,” she said, adding that immigrants should integrate and adopt Germany’s culture and values.

“We feel tied to Christian values. Those who don’t accept them don’t have a place here,” said the chancellor.

People say it’s not fair to impose that kind of conformity on people just trying to make it in this world. Pshaw! I say. We all have rules that we expect people to respect in our own homes. Why not in society as well?

For example, last night, I attended a lovely dinner party where the host, rightfully so, protected her home by making sure that we conformed to what she decided was best for her space.

She asked that we take our shoes off as she just had some lovely travertine put and didn’t want it all scuffed. Perfectly reasonable request. Unfortunately, one of her guests was in a boating accident over the weekend where he broke his foot. His foot was in one of those big boot casts–way too heavy for the delicate stone floors. And because of his still-healing injury, he couldn’t take it off. It was nothing personal, but because she was protecting her home, she kindly asked him to GTFO.

She held the dinner as a bit of a salon to discuss some new opera works. One of the women brought her deaf boyfriend and offered to interpret for him. Nothing personal, but we were there to talk, not to play charades all night. And we were talking about music, something he’s never even heard. So, the host protected the work we had all done doing research and listening to samples by asking him to GTFO.

And she all teared up when she asked her sister to GTFO after it was discovered that he sister didn’t match the $75 budget for the gift exchange. Sure she’s been out of work for the last 9 months and was just looking for some company, but every society has its rules. Even a small opera appreciation society.

About an hour later and it was just the two of us….until I goofed. She specifically asked for a Sicillian desert wine and I got my “S”s mixed up and brought Spanish instead. I’m sure her empanadas would have been fine with what I brought, but I should have been more respectful. She didn’t even have to say it. I knew what I did wrong, so while she went to put on a brave face in the loo, I picked up my shoes and GTFO.

She posted facebook pictures the next day. She seemed to have a great time all by herself.

Oreo Infiltration – Do you think they’ll find me out??

I got news today that my webseries,”We’re Seeing Someone,” was chosen to be part of the Mid-Atlantic Black Film Festival.

I know how it sounds. The Oreo Experience in a fest that promotes ethnic identity…but don’t look at it as selling out or giving in…but as a recruiting tool! (Besides, I think I do a good job of Oreo-ing it up in the series…except when I have to go on that date with the black guy…though he might a pretty good Oreo himself, what do you think?)

Check out the series here and let me know what you think.

You can also be a part of the next big Oreo project by clicking here and making a pledge to become a backer. We’re more than half way to our goal and you can help put us over the top!!

Lemme know what you think!!

Fest is in Virgina, if I do make it out there, what should I in Norfolk?

And in all seriousness, thank you so much to MABFF and especially Michael Ajakwe for his support of this writer and of Internet entertainment.

Oreo News and Thanks!

I know my curtsey needs work, but please know I mean it sincerely! For reals, thanks for all the readings and commentings and whatnots. I really appreaciate it!

So in case you’re wondering why the posts have been more sporadic of late, there’s a couple of reasons.

One, there’s a Tennessee Walker riding competition I’m gearing up for.

And two, I’m ending the year by producing “White Christmas”—a parody video of, well… “White Christmas.” The song tells the story of how OreoWriter hopes her holidays are super anglo-tastic!

I definitely would not be on track to make this video were it not for all the readers and emails and comments. I appreciate it so much and am super excited about this project.

We’ve already got an amazing team of backers (thanks to Geoffrey Plitt and Jason Layden for their early support!) and we would love to have all of you on board, too!!

We are doing the bulk of our fund-raising through Kickstarter. With Kickstarter, backers pledge sponsorships amounts, but no one is charged unless the target budget is raised (or surpassed!). We’re already more than halfway there and look forward to hearing form you. You can see our Kickstarter page at:

There are lots of great benefits for backers and investors including personal video messages and lots of promotion for your name or brand. Check out the link and let me know what you think!

We already have a great, creative and successful team and I hope you will join us.

Dr. Laura

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is quitting radio in December after saying the n-word a bunch of times to a caller who was

Talking sense into black people.


Please, oh please, read the transcript here. So worth it.

In the broadcast, a black caller asks if her white husband’s white friends are in the wrong for making racial jokes around her, berating her with stereotypes and sometimes using the n-word.

Here’s are some gems from the conversation.

CALLER: How about the N-word? So, the N-word’s been thrown around —

SCHLESSINGER: Black guys use it all the time. Turn on HBO, listen to a black comic, and all you hear is nigger, nigger, nigger.

CALLER: That isn’t —

SCHLESSINGER: I don’t get it. If anybody without enough melanin says it, it’s a horrible thing; but when black people say it, it’s affectionate. It’s very confusing. Don’t hang up, I want to talk to you some more. Don’t go away.

I’m Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I’ll be right back.

I must say, I was pretty upset when I read this.

This caller is obviously a fantastic Oreo and she’s not embracing it!!!

First, she married a white guy. Kudos to her for trading allegedly smaller manhood size for definitely bigger circles of social acceptance.

Second, the fact that her husband’s friends use this kind of language around her doesn’t prove that they’re jerks…it proves that they’re comfortable around her! I bet they don’t use those words around RBP (aka The Others) because RBP are scary, will get mad and might cut you if you say such a thing.

But an Oreo, knowing that it’s more important to save face than make a point, will keep quiet and let you ask how she washes her relaxed hair.

Why get mad at Dr. Laura? Some of her best friends are black. Really. She talks about it in the transcript.

SCHLESSINGER: No, no, no. I think that’s — well, listen, without giving much thought, a lot of blacks voted for Obama simply ’cause he was half-black. Didn’t matter what he was gonna do in office, it was a black thing. You gotta know that. That’s not a surprise. Not everything that somebody says — we had friends over the other day; we got about 35 people here — the guys who were gonna start playing basketball. I was going to go out and play basketball. My bodyguard and my dear friend is a black man. And I said, “White men can’t jump; I want you on my team.” That was racist? That was funny.

So if anyone knows what’s appropriate in mixed contexts, it’s L.S.

CALLER: I can’t believe someone like you is on the radio spewing out the “nigger” word, and I hope everybody heard it.

SCHLESSINGER: I didn’t spew out the “nigger” word.

CALLER: You said, “Nigger, nigger, nigger.”

SCHLESSINGER: Right, I said that’s what you hear.

CALLER: Everybody heard it.

SCHLESSINGER: Yes, they did.

CALLER: I hope everybody heard it.

SCHLESSINGER: They did, and I’ll say it again —

CALLER: So what makes it OK for you to say the word?

SCHLESSINGER: — nigger, nigger, nigger is what you hear on HB —

CALLER: So what makes it —

SCHLESSINGER: Why don’t you let me finish a sentence?


What do you think? Should she quit? Or keep working to make more Oreos via the airwaves.

Pretty and of color? You must be a terrorist!

How dare she. How. Very. Dare she!

Here’s what I learned today that is sending me straight to the skin bleaching and hair dye.

If you are a person of color + you win a beauty pageant = The terrorists win.

More than one post went up today saying that  Rima Fakih’s Miss USA win is

a) an example of abusive reverse racism

b) funding terrorism.

Says Debbie Schlussel:

It’s a sad day in America but a very predictable one, given the politically correct, Islamo-pandering climate in which we’re mired.  The Hezbollah-supporting Shi’ite Muslim, Miss Michigan Rima Fakihwhose bid for the pageant was financed by an Islamic terrorist and immigration fraud perpetrator–won the Miss USA contest. I was on top of this story before anyone, telling you about who Fakih is and her extremist and deadly ties.

I normally applaud beauty pageants for their insistence upon an impossible beauty standard. I mean, how am I supposed to hate myself as a non size-0 woman if said women aren’t paraded around in front of me on the regular?

But now I love them even more! Now, more young girls who are off-model from the models in these shows will keep themselves off the runways lest they are accused of being anti-American. And the beauty standard will go unchanged! I have spent too much time getting this hair to lay flat for that to suddenly be okay!

Just like Ramin Setoodeh drove scores of gay actors back into their closets, writers like Schlussel are ensuring that of color beauties think twice before thinking they’re beautiful enough for America’s runways.

What I’m Doing With My Summer Vacay: Hanging out in the AZ!!

Why? Because they’re as freaked out by ethnicity as I am.

Not only are they enacting the law that allows legal Arizonians to be stopped and questioned for being too brown the safety of the state, they also passed a bill that will outlaw ethnic studies in school.

Proponents of the bill say that teaching students about their own culture is something that should not be done at school…unless, you’re part of the culture that is being discussed at school.

Also, according to the Wall Street Journal, (legal, veteran) teachers with accents will be asked to vacate their posts.

So congrats, Arizona. We’re always happen to welcome more Oreos and Coconuts to the fold!

Let’s hear it for homogeneity. With your help, Az, I bet we can get there.

What do you think? Do accents really thwart someone’s chances at success as much as being named LaKwashawndalier does?