dr. laura

Oreo Advice – Navigating the N Word

No, please, say whatever you want!

As Dr. Laura reminded us this week, it’s Constitutionally important for non-colors to be able to say the n-word whenever they want. As an Oreo, you will be in a unique position to make those that feel marginally guilty about this to feel better and for those who don’t feel guilty to keep on feeling fine.

You see, non-colors generally won’t say the n-word in front of RBP (aka “LaT’Shawndreeans) because those folks are scary and will probably cut a bitch.

But Oreos, known for our tolerance discovered through assimilation will simply smile and nod.

You may, however, feel the need to point out some fairly obvious logic flaws in the arguments for using the n-word with abanadon, but control yourself. Otherwise, you run the risk of some suuuuper awkward moments. You know, more awkward than someone saying the n-word, say 11 times in what started as a polite conversation.

Below are some rules to follow to keep the conversation moving following the five stages of the n-word conversation.

1. ANGER: The conversation will usually start out with something heated like, “I don’t understand. Rappers and comedians say nigger all the time, why can’t I?”

DON’T point out the obvious by saying any of the following.

  • “That’s fine, but I’m not one of those rappers or comedians.”
  • “Sure, but who’s ultimately making most of the programming and/or distribution choices…who’s at the top of the TV networks and record companies…not other black people.”
  • “Rap and hip hop and cable is mostly consumed by white people, so they’re the ones being marketed to by the use of said word.”

2. DENIAL. What will usually follow is the personal approach that downplays potential emotional harm with something like, “There’s this guy at my office, Dwayne, he says it all the time, it can’t be a big deal.”

DON’T SAY:

  • “Okay, but I’m not Dwayne.”

3. BARGAINING: Then comes an attempt to compare a word developed to subjugate an entire race of people for generations to a high school prank and your conversation partner will say something like “..I mean, in high school, they called me Sticky Stick Stick, that hurt my feelings, but I got over it.”

DON’T say something like:

  • “Dude, why do you want to say this word so badly?”

4. DEPRESSION: That’s when they realize their civil liberties are being trampled and they’ll say something like “Hey, we have free speech here. I can say whatever I want.”

DON’T point out that even though “congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free speech thereof. Or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances” that that doesn’t mean that people are protected from someone disagreeing with them.

5. ACCEPTANCE: Then finally, they’ll acquiesce because the opera or lacrosse game is about to start and they’ll say something like, “I mean, I don’t get it, but I guess I just won’t say it. I mean, it’s just a word, it’s not like words can actually hurt you.”

DON’T then call them an fucking idiot cunt and then when they get offended tell them that it’s just words. Because that would just be rude.

What do you think? Whether you’re an Oreo or not, do you think we should toss the n-word back into an accepted lexicon like we did with “bitch”? Why do you think other ethnic groups do not seem to be having this conversation as loudly…we don’t see tons of Jewish comics debating the merits of the k-word.

And if you do wanna use it more often, just substitute it for “black guy” in any of these jokes, invite an Oreo to your next tapas tasting and have a ball!

Dr. Laura

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is quitting radio in December after saying the n-word a bunch of times to a caller who was

Talking sense into black people.

black.

Please, oh please, read the transcript here. So worth it.

In the broadcast, a black caller asks if her white husband’s white friends are in the wrong for making racial jokes around her, berating her with stereotypes and sometimes using the n-word.

Here’s are some gems from the conversation.

CALLER: How about the N-word? So, the N-word’s been thrown around —

SCHLESSINGER: Black guys use it all the time. Turn on HBO, listen to a black comic, and all you hear is nigger, nigger, nigger.

CALLER: That isn’t —

SCHLESSINGER: I don’t get it. If anybody without enough melanin says it, it’s a horrible thing; but when black people say it, it’s affectionate. It’s very confusing. Don’t hang up, I want to talk to you some more. Don’t go away.

I’m Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I’ll be right back.

I must say, I was pretty upset when I read this.

This caller is obviously a fantastic Oreo and she’s not embracing it!!!

First, she married a white guy. Kudos to her for trading allegedly smaller manhood size for definitely bigger circles of social acceptance.

Second, the fact that her husband’s friends use this kind of language around her doesn’t prove that they’re jerks…it proves that they’re comfortable around her! I bet they don’t use those words around RBP (aka The Others) because RBP are scary, will get mad and might cut you if you say such a thing.

But an Oreo, knowing that it’s more important to save face than make a point, will keep quiet and let you ask how she washes her relaxed hair.

Why get mad at Dr. Laura? Some of her best friends are black. Really. She talks about it in the transcript.

SCHLESSINGER: No, no, no. I think that’s — well, listen, without giving much thought, a lot of blacks voted for Obama simply ’cause he was half-black. Didn’t matter what he was gonna do in office, it was a black thing. You gotta know that. That’s not a surprise. Not everything that somebody says — we had friends over the other day; we got about 35 people here — the guys who were gonna start playing basketball. I was going to go out and play basketball. My bodyguard and my dear friend is a black man. And I said, “White men can’t jump; I want you on my team.” That was racist? That was funny.

So if anyone knows what’s appropriate in mixed contexts, it’s L.S.

CALLER: I can’t believe someone like you is on the radio spewing out the “nigger” word, and I hope everybody heard it.

SCHLESSINGER: I didn’t spew out the “nigger” word.

CALLER: You said, “Nigger, nigger, nigger.”

SCHLESSINGER: Right, I said that’s what you hear.

CALLER: Everybody heard it.

SCHLESSINGER: Yes, they did.

CALLER: I hope everybody heard it.

SCHLESSINGER: They did, and I’ll say it again —

CALLER: So what makes it OK for you to say the word?

SCHLESSINGER: — nigger, nigger, nigger is what you hear on HB —

CALLER: So what makes it —

SCHLESSINGER: Why don’t you let me finish a sentence?

CALLER: OK.

What do you think? Should she quit? Or keep working to make more Oreos via the airwaves.