black jokes

Dr. Laura

Dr. Laura Schlessinger is quitting radio in December after saying the n-word a bunch of times to a caller who was

Talking sense into black people.

black.

Please, oh please, read the transcript here. So worth it.

In the broadcast, a black caller asks if her white husband’s white friends are in the wrong for making racial jokes around her, berating her with stereotypes and sometimes using the n-word.

Here’s are some gems from the conversation.

CALLER: How about the N-word? So, the N-word’s been thrown around —

SCHLESSINGER: Black guys use it all the time. Turn on HBO, listen to a black comic, and all you hear is nigger, nigger, nigger.

CALLER: That isn’t —

SCHLESSINGER: I don’t get it. If anybody without enough melanin says it, it’s a horrible thing; but when black people say it, it’s affectionate. It’s very confusing. Don’t hang up, I want to talk to you some more. Don’t go away.

I’m Dr. Laura Schlessinger. I’ll be right back.

I must say, I was pretty upset when I read this.

This caller is obviously a fantastic Oreo and she’s not embracing it!!!

First, she married a white guy. Kudos to her for trading allegedly smaller manhood size for definitely bigger circles of social acceptance.

Second, the fact that her husband’s friends use this kind of language around her doesn’t prove that they’re jerks…it proves that they’re comfortable around her! I bet they don’t use those words around RBP (aka The Others) because RBP are scary, will get mad and might cut you if you say such a thing.

But an Oreo, knowing that it’s more important to save face than make a point, will keep quiet and let you ask how she washes her relaxed hair.

Why get mad at Dr. Laura? Some of her best friends are black. Really. She talks about it in the transcript.

SCHLESSINGER: No, no, no. I think that’s — well, listen, without giving much thought, a lot of blacks voted for Obama simply ’cause he was half-black. Didn’t matter what he was gonna do in office, it was a black thing. You gotta know that. That’s not a surprise. Not everything that somebody says — we had friends over the other day; we got about 35 people here — the guys who were gonna start playing basketball. I was going to go out and play basketball. My bodyguard and my dear friend is a black man. And I said, “White men can’t jump; I want you on my team.” That was racist? That was funny.

So if anyone knows what’s appropriate in mixed contexts, it’s L.S.

CALLER: I can’t believe someone like you is on the radio spewing out the “nigger” word, and I hope everybody heard it.

SCHLESSINGER: I didn’t spew out the “nigger” word.

CALLER: You said, “Nigger, nigger, nigger.”

SCHLESSINGER: Right, I said that’s what you hear.

CALLER: Everybody heard it.

SCHLESSINGER: Yes, they did.

CALLER: I hope everybody heard it.

SCHLESSINGER: They did, and I’ll say it again —

CALLER: So what makes it OK for you to say the word?

SCHLESSINGER: — nigger, nigger, nigger is what you hear on HB —

CALLER: So what makes it —

SCHLESSINGER: Why don’t you let me finish a sentence?

CALLER: OK.

What do you think? Should she quit? Or keep working to make more Oreos via the airwaves.

A Smudge, er Smidge, of Absolution

 

Hope you got your fill of vices on Fat Tuesday, because it's time to give up just a little more

 

Happy Ash Wednesday!

If in your Oreodom, you have chosen a faith, it should have been one that smacks of Europe and has a nice Scandinavian Christ on the wall to show you what perfection looks like. 

I myself am a practicing Anglican and use Ash Wednesday as a chance to further the Oreo cause.

During Lent, most people give up a typical vice like soda, smoking or sex. But choose your Lenten sacrifice just right and it can help offset the fact that your ashes blend in unfortunately with your skintone.

If you’re worried that your Lenten season won’t be one befitting an Oreo, use one of these phrases when asked about it and you’ll be on the right path.

  • “I’m giving up my season tickets to the Ahmanson and donating them to a non-profit. I mean, I love my Forever Plaid, but Lord knows I’ve seen it enough times.”
  • “Giving up meat doesn’t bother me so much. I went vegan after that summer at the ashram.”
  • “Chapel was lovely, but it was nothing like when I got to do a Rite I service during my cathedral tour in Germany.”
  • “I kind of like fasting, it reminds me of The Road to Wellville”
  • “I swear I’ll make it these 40 days without my Vicar of Dibley! It’ll be rough, but chin up, stiff upper lip, I’ll muddle through.”

Don’t think of the season as a time to go without, but as a time that clears up some headspace for enjoying the reward later. Besides, think how great those plush theater seats will feel and how refreshing Dawn French will be after a moon and a half without.

Bonus Oreo points if you get the good vicar to do your ashes for you!