Give This Kid a Creamy!

For new readers, no, a Creamy is not a terribly veiled innuendo. It’s something so much better than that.

A Creamy is an honorary award given out to those who embody the true Oreo spirit. Creamies may be acquired for impressive acts of deflection, mis-direction and public self-loathing.

Today’s Creamy should be super-sized because I don’t think I’m going too far when I say the recipient is a genius!!!

So, you may remember the Compton Cookout party that was brilliantly advertised on facebook and organized by college students in San Diego. Well, shortly after that, a noose appeared hanging in the University of San Diego library.  The community was all a-tizzy and in very un-Oreo fashion,  many RBP students confirmed assumptions and protested these events.

Well, imagine my pride when I learned that whoever put up said noose must have been a TOE reader.

While confidentiality is keeping the prankster’s true identity a secret, an apology printed on the front page of the UCSD student newspaper included this:

“As a minority student who sympathizes with the students that have been affected by the recent issues on campus, I am distraught to know that I have unintentionally added to their pain,” the student wrote. She was suspended Friday and remains under investigation for a possible hate crime.

What a brilliant move!!! Like those guys in DC with the rifles and the serial killing, no one saw this coming from an of color. A black student being under investigation for a potential hate crime…against black students!! Check and Mate!

The woman wrote that she and friends had been playing with the rope early last week, making a lasso and then a noose.

She said that she took it to the library Tuesday, strung it above a desk and forgot about it.

Well orchestrated from the go! This student could have made any number of things with that rope…cat’s cradle, tea cozy, formal bridle. But the choice was  a noose! This shows great planning (do you know how to tie a proper noose on short notice?) and wonderful commitment to the cause. I’m all for knowing the punchlines of some of color of color jokes, but creating a physical representation of specific and gruesome crimes…and then “forgetting” that you left it behind…Fan.Tas.Tic.

Congratulations you, whoever you are. If you’re in Los Angeles, look me up. I’ve got all this freshly pressed ivory colored linen and a sewing project that I think might be right up your alley.

Compton Cookout – Classic!

When I saw this facebook invitation to a “Compton Cookout” hosted by frat brothers in San Diego, I was upset and heartbroken.

“February marks a very important month in American society. No, I’m not referring to Valentines day or Presidents day. I’m talking about Black History month. As a time to celebrate and in hopes of showing respect, the Regents community cordially invites you to its very first Compton Cookout.

For guys: I expect all males to be rockin Jersey’s, stuntin’ up in ya White T (XXXL smallest size acceptable), anything FUBU, Ecko, Rockawear, High / Low top Jordans or Dunks, Chains, Jorts, stunner shades, 59 50 hats, Tats, etc.

For girls: For those of you who are unfamiliar with ghetto chicks – Ghetto chicks usually have gold teeth, start fights and drama, and wear cheap clothes – they consider Baby Phat to be high class and expensive couture. They also have short, nappy hair, and usually wear cheap weave, usually in bad colors, such as purple or bright red. They look and act similar to Shenaynay, and speak very loudly, while rolling their neck, and waving their finger in your face. Ghetto chicks have a very limited vocabulary, and attempt to make up for it, by forming new words, such as “constipulated,” or simply cursing persistently, or using other types of vulgarities, and making noises, such as “hmmg!,” or smacking their lips, and making other angry noises, grunts, and faces. The objective is for all you lovely ladies to look, act, and essentially take on these “respectable” qualities throughout the day.

Several of the regents condos will be teaming up to house this monstrosity, so travel house to house and experience the various elements of life in the ghetto.

We will be serving 40’s, Kegs of Natty, dat Purple Drank – which consists of sugar, water, and the color purple , chicken, coolade, and of course Watermelon. So come one and come all, make ya self before we break ya self, keep strapped, get yo shine on, and join us for a day party to be remembered – or not.”

Why wasn’t I on the invite list??

Sure, it’s dicey for Oreos to spend time with other people of color, but spending time with people pretending to be of color is just as important as making sure you’ve staked out your place at the regatta. Because here, we are reminded of just how unpleasant we would be if we were RBP.

Thanks, brothers, for the reminder. See you at next year’s Pimps and Hos ball, the Gangta Grill and the Cotton Bowl.