An Oreo Guide to Sports

This itch in my piccolo finger can only mean one thing…get me my marching band uniform because it’s football season!

Sorry Jacob. Yeah, you've got the abs. But you've also got a tan.

Which reminded that it’s very important for Oreos to deal with sports correctly. Root for the right team and you’ll be catapulted into the upper echelons of Oreodom. Wear the wrong jersey and folks will soon be offering you wings at half time.

Here is a list of some teams that an Oreo can cheer for with a clear conscious. Turn up in any of these team’s outfit at your boating society’s next fall gala or art museum fundraiser and you’ll definitely score!

  • The Washington Redskins. Few things sting so good as waving around an archaic caricature while gleefully shouting out a racial epithet.
  • The Montreal Canadiens. First, they’re a hockey team. Second, they give you the chance to show off your boarding-school perfected French.
  • The Red Knight or The Blue Knight at any Medieval Times restaurant. Either knight is fine, as long as you’re there enjoying the leg of meat and mug of mead!
  • U.S. Equestrian Team. Tall boots, dressage salutes and mint juleps, oh my!
  • Team Edward. Ahh, the sparklevamp is  broody. He’s determined. But most of all…he’s very pale.

But if you really want to impress, get a shirt featuring

  • The New Zealand All Whites. Enough. Said.


Kiwis footballers! And the perfect team name for an Oreo to root for!



How do sports figure into your life? Any fave teams? Spectacular rivalries? Wonderfully horrible injuries? Let us know in the comments!

What about sports names that come from actual groups of people? Is “Fighting Irish” the same as “Redskins”? How about the fact that USC Trojans used to be the Fighting Protestants? Cuz if there’s anyone who knows how to throw down…it’s the moderately religious!


  1. *giggles* “moderately religious”

    Well, the Irish do fight a lot. Being drunks and all, I mean. I think changing from Protestants to Trojans was just a sad attempt at slipping in a subtle safe-sex message since the abstinence thing clearly wasn’t working. 😀

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