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Who Doesn’t Like Frenching?

FrenchRevolution1Bonne Jour de Bastille ! Salut et fraternite !

Je suis heureuse, quand je regarde mon agenda, de pouvoir lire, a la date du 14 juillet, le rappel de la defense par les opprimés de leurs droits.

Le Jour de la Bastille, ou “La prise de la Bastille”, comme disent les Français, commémore ce jour ou la classe moyenne française a tenu tête à l’aristocratie et a pris une prison d’assaut. Cette prison ne renfermait que sept individus. Cet acte symbolique a ete fondateur de la France que nous connaissons.

C’est ce qui me rend heureuse. Un jour sur mon calendrier est dedie a la defense de l’opprime.

Le souvenir du Jour de la Bastille nous apporte du reconfort, et inspira de belles comedies musicales comme “Les Miserables”. Marquons le 14 juillet d’une pierre blanche pour boire du café au lait a petites gorgees avec un croissant tout en pensant à Monet, Manet ou le Millet. Prenons un moment pour penser à la brave bourgeoisie et faire un pas vers les merveilleuses choses que sont la Tour Eiffel, les Champs Elysee et le musee du Louvres.

Nous ne marquons pas d’une pierre blanche sur nos calendriers les insurrections menées par les Africains asservis sur le sol américain, ni la marche sur Washington, ni aucun des trajets de bus réputés à Alabama.

Penser aux esclaves se battant pour un rogaton de dignité nous fait nous sentir mal. Comme un souvenir de sordide roti dominical en famille. Et nul gavage ne peut effacer ce souvenir. Quel contraste avec ce que nous avons lu dans nos manuels scolaires !

Le Français est romantique et ainsi, ses guerres doivent l’être egalement. Tandis que l’esclavage n’était qu’un signe des temps : Aucun besoin de ratiociner la-dessus en le signalant sur le calendrier… Alors, qu’est-il le plus agreable a souhaiter ? “Bonne Jour de Bastille !” ou “Bon jour d’esclave !” ?

Fox and Friends: Should be all for Assimilation; Instead, Hurts the Cause

At just over a minute into this clip, Brian Kilmeade says that Americans suffer because we marry “other species and other ethnics.”

It’s not so much the xenophobia or racism inherent in this sound bite that worries me. It’s that people may listen and make it much harder for ethnics like me to find a pure-blooded American mate.

But it looks like I have some other folks in my corner, working to debunk Kilmeade and keep my options open.

Gawker

Salon

Huffington Post – Super kudos for using the phrase “murder of idiot crows.”

Everyone Helps Us Try to Fit In…Or Out

Thanks to the folks at 11points.com for reminding us why the Oreo fight must go on with their article, “11 Photos Where Black People Were Awkwardly Photoshopped In or Out.”

Whether it’s Canadians, Olympians, ad executives or The Queen, people at large just don’t know what to do with the average ethnic; so why not make it easier for them by blending in as much as possible.

Granted, we’ll put some mediocre Photoshop artists out of business, but we’ll push some guilt out of the collective consciousness as well.

Check out the rest of Into to Editing Style photos here.

Post BBQ Posting

Independence Day can be a difficult one for an Oreo. First, some minority group is usually quick to remind us that there was never “Independence and Justice for All,” as our Pledge of Allegiance so proudly states. And that all men were not created equal when the Founding Fathers hypocritically penned those words.

Second, and more immediately problematic. Outdoor eating aka: Barbecues. 6a00b8ea0715b41bc000d09e81bd9abe2b-500pi

These mass gatherings are havens for the of colors–piles of relatively inexpensive food prepared in outdoor areas where people can play sports and indulge in the illegal activity of home displays of firepower. It can get scary.

And as such, I was more than happy with the BBQ I chose to attend. I found a place where I could celebrate my independence from type. I attended a BBQ thrown by a group of yogis.

There were no cheap animal carcasses on the table. Instead, we feasted on Whole Foods purchased vegetarian delights: Fake Steaks, Not Dogs and Sprout Trout.

There were no iPod cradles blasting songs from the radio. Instead, we relaxed and meditated as Master Daniel sang us a Kirtan to the sweet sounds of the harmonium.

fireworks2-1And the only competitive event in sight was seeing who could properly identify everyone’s moon sign the fastest. (And it’s Sag…as if you couldn’t tell.)

So as fireworks boomed in the distance, I sat in our healing circle, eyes closed and palms pressed, feeling better from the inside out, knowing that what’s truly inside will never be let out.

But Closets are so Cozy

This week saw the defection of a powerful member of the ranks of self-hate. US. Army Lt. Dan Choi came out to his commanding officers and lost his place in the military.

Lt. Dan was an amazing example of how much you can hide when you put your mind to it. Not only is he gay, he’s also Asian (Now is that Gaysian or Gasian?). But linda-11listen on the radio and you have no idea of either. His voice holds no trace of ethnicity and his stories of his “girlfriend” Martha, kept everyone at bay.

Until now.

Now, thanks to Choi’s apparent need to break rank, he’s standing out, being noticed and losing things that would be important to anyone. Before barreling out of the closet, Choi had a good job, a spiffy uniform and no need to use odd and clunky phrases like “love relationship” as he has over and over again in all manner of press.

Sure keeping his secret would have probably caused internalized anger to gnaw endlessly on his health and well-being. And perhaps his boyfriend would have grown tired of being his dirty little secret, thus painfully ending their “love relationship.” And it’s not out of the question that “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell” is causing our military to lose troops at a time when we really need them. And maybe the policy unfairly benefits the majority who doesn’t want to have to deal with anything. But they are the majority–there’s more of them, which means they must be doing something right…right?

But all of that is a small price to pay for keeping things in tact and on track. Our country is in a recession and we’re embroiled in a couple of unwinnable wars. Do we really have the time or energy to tackle tough social issues? I think not. So keep on assimilating, kids. It’s good for the nation.

Is This Your Race Card?

BP-FrogAceI made good use of my AMA card (that’s Academy of Magical Arts in case you were wondering) and spent the evening being dazzled at Los Angeles’s Magic Castle–the Hollywood hub for all things great in the world of illusion. I learned two things on this outing.

1. When a grand illusion is augmented by a little card producing, the result is…excuse the pun, magical.

And as a bonus to the cause:

2. People of color do not go to magic shows.

Maybe it’s because historically, POC do not appreciate being tricked by white people.

But a little playful trickery in life is necessary. Without it, we wouldn’t have a political system or effective advertising.

Besides that, the whole Oreo lifestyle relies on sleight of hand, clever distraction and a well-placed trompe-l’œil. How else can we convince the world we are something that we are not?

So pull up a chair in your personal parlor of prestidigitation and get ready to say the magic words as you watch your perceived identity and their lowered expectations…disappear!

I Just Can’t Stop Loving You

I’m not going to pretend that I listened to his music or that I have any ability to make a body move that way-even on WhitePal’s most patient days.

But I do know good, amazing, phenominal when I see it – even if I’m seeing it years and years too late. I know that we lost him before his time. And I know that he will be missed. By all of us.

What to do When They’re More Ethnic Than You

cocktail-whisky-sourSo Gatos suggested that we “kick it” again and offered to make arrangements.

Normally, keeping public company with a white person is golden. However, when that person evokes ethnicity, it counts for much less, can be seen as cheating and has the potential to destroy the hard work one has done to this point.

But, he offered to buy the drinks again; and accepting challenging social invitations from a paying companion is a decidedly Hamptonish thing to do, so I accepted.

But not without precautions. There are a few things to keep in mind when arranging such an arrangement.

Location, Location, Location

It’s an old adage, but it’s true. You definitely want to take care to choose the right spot for your outing. Being seen at the wrong movie, restaurant, piece of theater or side of town can ruin all of your efforts. So, after a Vespa tour around a winery, I felt comfortable with Gatos settling in for the hummus and grape leaf tasting that was to be part two of our afternoon.

Evoke Tough Love
You know how it is when you travel to Bath or Oxford, then spend the next two weeks trying to shake the vestiges of the Queen’s English from your vocabulary. You can’t help but through out a “mate,” “gov’nor,” or “right, yeah?” in your once normal conversation.

So is the case when you spend time with a light ethnic. After a couple of hours, I was horrified to notice that I let the word “dope” escape my lips. And I wasn’t talking about weed. I was describing something that I liked and used the offensive adjective to describe it.

And just like my friends put me back in my place when I slip into a bit of British vernacular, Gatos was there to correct me. I was embarrassed, sure. But the fact that he called me on it so that I refrained from such sloppy speech from then on was worth the flush I felt on my cheeks.

Proper Costuming
It doesn’t have to be fancy, but the flash of a tag from Talbots or Lily Pulitzer lets passersby know which side of the yacht your flag is raised. The right label on your lapel will help repel any lax labeling.

The Use of Key Words and Phrases
When strangers pass by you and your escort, thwart their assumptions by making sure that in a loud, clear voice, you utter phrases like: “Of course you find Fitzgerald insufferable, that’s the whole point” Or: “Oh, come on. You can’t blame Reaganomics. People have a certain amount of personal responsibility.” Or: “I thought AMT was unfair, until I learned two words: Intangible. Drilling.”

Never you mind if these seem like non-sequitors to your companion. He or she doesn’t even have to answer. And all you have to do is bask in the glory of the nods and smiles you will get from those around you as you shatter expectations.

Seriously, Have Them Buy You a Drink
When your mind is consumed with correcting and perfecting an image, it can be hard to actually enjoy what you’re doing. So appreciate a little free booze. Really helps take the edge off.

Pleasure Reading

imagesIn honor of Juneteenth (the holiday developed to remember the day that President Lincoln released slaves from a life of forced assimilation into a world where they now had the choice to conform to expectations…or die) I went to my local Borders Books to do some research on “my people.” I thought for a moment that I may have been too zealous in my journey toward Oreodom and that learning about myself would guide me toward a more moderate path.

But a quick trip in the “ethnic” section of the book store told me I was right on track.

In the 20000 square foot big box Borders, about 10 square feet were dedicated to the ethnic section. Out of the tens of thousands of books available elsewhere in the store, maybe 50 titles were in this section. I was relieved to see that CEOs smarter than I dedicate the same amount of space to ethnic identity.

Part of me hoped that I would find on these two shelves, a tome or two that spoke to me. That I would learn something about “my people’s” history that would make me feel like I was indeed a part of this population.

Granted, that kind of self-discovery is challenging, so thankfully here’s what I found instead.

Specific Self Help

funny-pictures-cat-scared-sink-water1Most of the books were fiction and the non fiction discussed either slavery or self help. But the self help was limited to telling one how to seize the day or how to say “aw hell naw” at all the right times.

In terms of self improvement, I am more interested in calorie intake, balancing work and pleasure and laying down the rest of this Stepford-filled baggage.

But since those books don’t seem to belong in this section, I suppose, neither do I.

pi_271African American History X…if X > Pump up the Jam

There was nothing in the ethnic section that was published before about 1990. No classic novels or writers here. All post parachute pants prints.

And since I existed before 1990, it seems this is not the section for me.

I Put My Trash in the Bin, Not in the Bedroom559206-i281.photobucket.com-albums-kk213-jgoethe_photos-torsochocolate

The romance novels here were all trashy and Harlequin-esque. No sweeping tales of love. No sexy, taught dramas. No achingly coquettish stories that made you tense with wonderful anticpation to read them. Just books with pictures of big curves on the cover, giant print inside and the overuse of the words “chocolate,” and “member” in the same sentence.

And since I never compare any part of my partners to food, I guess this isn’t the section for me.

250785631_96c039e1d9Black People Don’t Like…Things, Apparently.

The area also left out other key sections that sell quite well in the greater Borders book store. There was no “humor” section. No “food” section. No “travel” section. No “science fiction” section.

And since I like to laugh, eat, go places and because I intend on existing in the future, I realized once again: this is clearly not the section for me.

I breathed a sigh of relief as I affirmed once again that I was doing things right by pursuing the Oreo way of life. I smiled as I thought this…just as a sales clerk approached.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” she asked.

“Yes. I did.” I said, with probably too grand a pause between words.

“Good. We just got in some new books for Juneteenth.”

“June-what?” I asked and laughed as I brushed past her, before adding. “Can you tell me where to find the latest issue of The Baltimore Review. I’m going to start it just after The Thought Gang and just before Gun With Occasional Music.”

Guess the Setup to These Racially-Inspired Punchlines…It’s Good for You!

27771942When encouragement comes from someone you know, who knows you and your struggles, that’s great. Chances are, that person understands the work you’re doing, how important it is to you and how far a few kind words can send you. It’s a good thing.

When encouragement comes from a stranger, who knows nothing of you, what you’re doing or how important it is to you, that is phenomenal.

Imagine my joy today then, when on the phone, a client of mine inadvertantly praised me when he began complaining with very colorful language about people, who I can only assume from his vernacular, are black.

Sure it stung a little to hear people I may well be related to so maligned, but just before I yelled, I realized what good work I had done. Neither the tone, timbre of my voice nor any references I had made during our year of working together remotely clued him into the fact that I had been born ethnic.

So instead of yelling, I gave myself a pat on the back and settled in for a little more abuse that hurt in all the right ways.

If this has happened to you, congratulations Rockstar, keep up the good work.

Oh, and remember, so as not to blow your cover, it’s a good idea to know some of the jokes that will surely come your way in a conversation like this. I have included some helpful punchlines below.

  • The pizza can feed a family of four.
  • Put it in a book.
  • The lights are out, how can you count them?
  • It’s gone
  • The cop
  • “No honey, it’s because you’re 23.”
  • A microphone
  • They don’t like any jobs.
  • An auctioneer
  • “Oh, then I use their last names.”
  • From the pepper spray
  • Raisin Bran
  • Crime prevention
  • My bike
  • Cocoa Muffs

Swap out that inspirational poster for these bad boys and watch productivity soar.