Sexy Oreo Costumes!

 

Always be looking out for how to look the part.

 

With just two weeks until ladies show us your tits under the guise of creativity day Halloween, I am reminded that Oreos don’t just dress up on that fun day. Oreos wear costumes every day. Just like that girl in your condo finds just the perfect piece of lingerie to represent Alice in Wonderland, Finding Nemo or a medical professional, Oreos work painstakingly to make sure that their clothes communicate who they are on the inside, too.

Here are three styles of dress befitting an Oreo lifestyle.

  • Basic, classic prep. Thanks to characters like Urkel and Carlton, we get that when a person of color wears plaid, pleats or padded seersucker, they are way more white than not. Nothing says “I definitely didn’t buy I am Not a Human Being” like saddle shoes.
  • Hipster. Hipsters get a lot of flack for looking like bizzarely arrogant homeless people, but they do read Amy Sedaris, love Sarah Silverman and tout individuality by dressing just like all the other hipsters. This makes them easy to identify and to assimilate into. So get your Oreo pal an Urban Outers gift certificate and get your hobo bag on! Show up at your fave large independent coffee shop with your skinny jeans and ironically thick glasses and no one will dare ask you if you saw the Raiders play that weekend.
  • Steampunk. My favorite of this list! Steampunk embraces non-RBP subjects like science and Britain and combines them with neat metal-based fashions. A few pairs of fettish-looking goggles, tiny top hat, a black tutu and and your signed copy of The Anubis Gate and you’re all set!

What other fashions do you think are good for Oreos? Any fashion trends you’ve tried to get on board with and either had massive success or a major fail? Let us know!

 

Though I was joking about sexy Nemo, didn't you?

 

The Minority Report – The Social Network

Welcome to The Minority Report – a super quick movie review.

 

"What is Rashida Jones' character doing here again?"

 

Rowing crews,  elite secret societies and hedge funds, oh my!!  It goes without saying that I was thrilled to see a movie who’s demographic, by virtue of the subject matter, location and protagonist, would be so homogeneous. And The Social Network did not disappoint. There are definitely no RBP at Harvard, or Stanford…BUT there IS one at BU, in case you need someone to intimidate your ex-boyfriend.

And when filling a bus full of girls to be used as tokens and prizes for well-educated kids of means, Asian is about as colorful as you should get.

Also, can we get a sequel that features just the Winkelvie…shirtless….and rowing…and shirtless.

What do you think? Much has been made about what some call sexism, what some call artistic portrayal in this movie. Are you on Sorkin’s side that says “look, these guys were kind of assholey and we wanted to show that.” Or are you on the truthier side that says “there were in fact contributing women important to the building of facebook, where were they in this movie? and how dumb are the girls in the flick that not only do they have no storylines of their own but they can’t even smoke pot correctly??”

More Oreo facebook misadventures: Poorly worded emails, confusing status updates, and weird-ass apps, oh my!

What to help The Oreo Experience make a better movie? Click here to become a backer of “White (on the inside) Christmas!“

5 Ways to Eat Chicken

We all know that RBP love cripsy chicken products at a significantly higher rate than non colors. So it’s imperative that Oreos stay away from said food. Sometimes, however, eating chicken will be nearly unavoidable. Here are four ways that an Oreo can make eating chicken palatable.

  • On someone else’s dime, quarter or gold Sacagawea head dollar. If the president of your boating society or captain of your rowing team or Young Republicans secretary is buying, go ahead and eat. But do so daintily. Avoid picking it up with your fingers, instead, use a knife and fork (cutting of course with your dominant hand and not switching the utensils when the slice has been severed) and remove any skin. This will clue your company in to the fact that while you can enjoy the meat, you eat it with only reasonable amount of happiness. And also, it will take so dang long for you to finish, they’ll never serve it again.
  • With an alibi. When eating out with your tennis partner or bank manager, do be sure to start the meal by preemptively asking for alternatives. A well-timed “Ohh, I hear they have great Quiche here,” can do wonders! If chicken is the only option, you can eat it, secure in the knowledge that you did your part to avoid.
  • Cordon-bleu. This is an acceptable way to eat chicken, provided you practice the pronunciation. It’s not “Cord-On-Bloo,” it’s more of a “Khor-duhn-bluh.” Say it right and a) no one will be totally sure what you’re saying and b) will be too blown away by your accent to notice the chicken part.
  • At Chick Fil A. It’s fried chicken, for sure, but the company is owned by Mormons who have a…storied relationship with black people that involves of colors having historically been prevented from holding positions in the church because their dark skin proved they fought on the side of Cain in the great battle between God and the devil. That rules changed in the late 1970s, when the church caught up to the country and discovered that blatant racism was slightly out of vogue. They also encourage self-loathing in the gays–basically they do a lot to keep the mainstream mainstream and no matter how much we like RENT and The Green Party, the mainstream is the stream we’re all trying to swim in.
  • In secret. With the ability to avoid any slips of the tongue, forgotten protocol or pictures that end up on facebook, this is really the best option.

For more chicken confessions, check out this diary entry, what happened when I went to screening of my web series, and how I broke all the above rules on my birthday last week.

Follow The Oreo Experience on Twitter

Subscribe to The Oreo Experience on youtube!


“She’s Not a Racist”

This guy sets the bar pretty high for Oreos. He’s got it all working together–the classy job, the nice, but conservative suit, those neat, invisible-rimmed glasses, newspapers in front of him, opinions on current political affairs, an all-American sounding accent…and the ability to clench his jaw tighter than a virgin on prom night and still be polite.

 

Oreo Infiltration – Do you think they’ll find me out??

I got news today that my webseries,”We’re Seeing Someone,” was chosen to be part of the Mid-Atlantic Black Film Festival.

I know how it sounds. The Oreo Experience in a fest that promotes ethnic identity…but don’t look at it as selling out or giving in…but as a recruiting tool! (Besides, I think I do a good job of Oreo-ing it up in the series…except when I have to go on that date with the black guy…though he might a pretty good Oreo himself, what do you think?)

Check out the series here and let me know what you think.

You can also be a part of the next big Oreo project by clicking here and making a pledge to become a backer. We’re more than half way to our goal and you can help put us over the top!!

Lemme know what you think!!

Fest is in Virgina, if I do make it out there, what should I in Norfolk?

And in all seriousness, thank you so much to MABFF and especially Michael Ajakwe for his support of this writer and of Internet entertainment.

Ann Coulter Validates Gays, Oreos

Just like addicts do in their recovery groups, self loathers must find people who reinforce the shame-and-assimilation-filled lifestyle we have worked so hard for.

Such beautiful words.

The gays this week did a lot of things right and for their efforts, they were handsomely rewarded.

  • They chose to be gay Republican. And while yes, Republicanism is meant to be about limited government, a part of that limited government is making laws that prevent gays from marrying or having kids.
  • They named an event called “Homocon” which both emphasizes who they are and invites just the right amount of eye-rolling from those in disagreement.
  • They invited Ann Coulter to speak at Homocon. No matter who you are, she’s gonna make you feel that much worse about it.

And because they did all that…they got the greatest gift of all…this quote:

Said Ann Coulter to the H’con attendees when explaining why they shouldn’t be allowed to marry: “You’re not black.”

We should all be so lucky.

Oreo Birthday Win and Fail?

...and lead us not into temptation...

It was many moons ago today that the self loathing started. And this weekend, two conversation showed me how much my efforts have paid off and reminded me how far I have to go.

The first one:

Someone I know through the Internets was looking at my Kickstarter page: (http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/aydrea/white-on-the-inside-christmas)

And had this to say.

Him: Wow, you definitely got the accent down. You sound totally white!
Me: That’s my actual voice. That’s just how I sound.
Him: Oh.

And the other happened over dinner. I was eating out with a member of my blanchetourage and  I knew I was taking my chances by having chicken…and by ordering a leg and thigh instead of a breast while my friend ordered a breast. The waitress came with our food and said:

Waitress: (to him) – you’re white.

(Waitress puts his food down)

Waitress: (to me) – and you’re dark.

While I initially considered this a fail for her pointing out the painfully, shamefully obvious, I realized, that she probably can’t say this to every patron of color lest they get all uppity about the word choice. You know, like this guy. (heart you WKB!)

What do you think? Chicken fail or win? And do you prefer light or dark (meat, that is. it’s obvious what we prefer in people 🙂 ) Let us know in the comments.

And let me know when your birthday is, so I can send you a message!! Lemme know in the comments or email at oreo@theoreoexperience.com