Pretty much every year, a group of college students decides it’ll be a swell idea to host a party where people dress up like minorities by, among other things, donning some good ol’ fashioned blackface and sometimes a grill or two.
Just today, we learned that sorority sisters at The University of Southern Mississippi were put on probation after they decided to dress up like the Huxtables. (Argyle and wigs were not enough, natch, they had to go whole hog).
Earlier this year, students at Université de Montréal donned blackface for a presentation in their business class.
Last year, students at the University of California, San Diego hosted a “Compton Cookout.” The invitation to that party went a little something like this:
“February marks a very important month in American society. No, i’m not referring to Valentines day or Presidents day. I’m talking about Black History month. As a time to celebrate and in hopes of showing respect, the Regents community cordially invites you to its very first Compton Cookout.
For guys: I expect all males to be rockin Jersey’s, stuntin’ up in ya White T (XXXL smallest size acceptable), anything FUBU, Ecko, Rockawear, High/low top Jordans or Dunks, Chains, Jorts, stunner shades, 59 50 hats, Tats, etc.
For girls: For those of you who are unfamiliar with ghetto chicks-Ghetto chicks usually have gold teeth, start fights and drama, and wear cheap clothes – they consider Baby Phat to be high class and expensive couture. They also have short, nappy hair, and usually wear cheap weave, usually in bad colors, such as purple or bright red. They look and act similar to Shenaynay, and speak very loudly, while rolling their neck, and waving their finger in your face. Ghetto chicks have a very limited vocabulary, and attempt to make up for it, by forming new words, such as “constipulated”, or simply cursing persistently, or using other types of vulgarities, and making noises, such as “hmmg!”, or smacking their lips, and making other angry noises,grunts, and faces. The objective is for all you lovely ladies to look, act, and essentially take on these “respectable” qualities throughout the day.
A few years ago, word got out that students at Tarleton State University, University of Connecticut School of Law, Clemson University and the University of Arizona all threw ghetto parties on Martin Luther King Day.
It seems that like prostitution and casual drug use, these peccadilloes are here to stay. So instead of trying to legislate morality into students, maybe we should take a cue from the Libertarians and give everyone some guidelines on how to party like it’s 1849 without risk of disciplinary action. It’s like learning how to have safe sex…assuming that by “sex,” we mean “really terrible party ideas that the future leaders of our country maybe shouldn’t be coming up with.”
So here are some Dos and Don’ts for your next ghettotastic shindig.
- DON’T: have a blackface party at a school with a black dean. I’m looking at you Mississippi!
- DO: Keep a tight grip on the invite list. Some people are really sensitive and will report your party to school officials because they’re too busy not taking that stick out of their ass. So don’t let word get around that you’re hosting.
- DON’T: Post pictures on facebook, Twitter, tumblr…actually, don’t take any pictures at all. Remember that person with the stick where the sun don’t shine? Well those same humorless aholes will likely send those pictures to someone who has the ability to make your life more difficult. So take the higher road and don’t give them the ammunition they need.
- DO: not ask yourself why this is the theme you chose for your party in the first place. You have way too much to do to spend time thinking about your decisions may affect other people. Besides, don’t they see how ridiculously clever and ironic you are! Ugh! They’ve probably never heard of Middling Banana Sunshine Patrol either and MDSP is like the best thing to happen to house music since…you know what, never mind, you have to be really in the scene to even get what they’re doing.
- DON’T: make friends with RBP..like ever. They will straight leave your ass (and maybe cut you) when they see the one picture you couldn’t help but take. They may also report you to the dean. Oreos are probably pretty safe as they won’t bother showing you the silent tears they’re crying on the inside.
- DO: remember to wash off the shoe polish before class in the morning! Showing up with those streaks on your face will be as awkward as it was waking up to that person in your bed who was soooo not cute now that you’re sober. Ick!!
- DON’T: bother maybe doing a quick Google search to see why blackface is so fucking offensive, it’ll just bring down the mood of the room – total party foul!
What other tips do have for getting away with pretty offensive behavior? What do you think of these parties? Have you ever been? When’s your next one? Can I come? Let us know in the comments!
DO: Repeatedly bash yourself in the face with a two-by-four, thus saving everyone else the bother of doing it for you.
DO: Make sure you are doing it in Dutch speaking territories, and in style. 17th century page costumes only, mind.
If anyone does call your bullshit just tell them they’re being insensitive, you have a right to your creative expression, and that racism is O-VAH! Hello, we have a Black president now. Sheesh!
I forgot to log in… Also, if you get called out make sure to tell them your intent wasn’t to be racist.
just because we have a black president doesn’t mean anything. we were better off with a white one.
Whoever said that we were better off with a white president tell me how u like Donald Trump
Bullcrap if u really think racism is over then urblind
DO: specify that the party is just for shits and giggles and is supposed to be funny. And don’t invite any RBP seeing as they might actually rip you all new assholes and that would just kill the mood.
DO: remember to take the wad of toilet paper out of your inflated ass before you leave
Rob – http://www.themainland.net – Expanding the truth as far as it will go
I think the most important rule is, don’t invite any black people! I live right on the edge of the campus of Amherst College, so I throw the obligatory blackface party every year for the students. This year a young friend of mine brought a girl over who had a distinctly Nubian nose, and she pitched a fit. I think some of my young friends are going to have to really work on their “blackdar” if they expect to be invited back next year.
Well… I learned something new today. Can’t say my life is better for it, but hey… it’s a lesson
2006 – University of Texas School of Law Ghetto Party. Funny, it doesn’t seem that long ago, actually.
Well, I always wanted, just once, to be invisible in a room fool of white people to know what they really think about us, and I feel I just got it. Also, I think this explains why many white people get so uncomfortable when they run into blacks that don’t fit the negative stereotypes – they just don’t know how to act around such blacks. But, hey, can’t really blame whites for something that is inherent to all of us. I guess we all need someone to look down on to make us feel superior and better about ourselves.
I don’t, and I’m white. We’re not ALL bad. Just a LOT of us are, lol…
Six chewy pieces, go six times as far, six times the flovar in a bit of honey barrr.. (I’m Honey) (And We Are The Nuts) (Beat It You Guys) Man in yellow outfit points to top headlines and colors change and flash with zap lighning effects. This ad has a similar style to the Heinz Eidelman Yellow Submarine, or Peter Max Psychedelic anti smoking. I have not seen it lately, but a Wyler’s Lemonade ad is on u-tube. (The Wylers Root Beer ad is on the Popular ads from 1970-75 #9)
I just have one question for the owner of that website. Why an Oreo who never dated a black guy and feels like she is white (saying she is white inside is somehow conclusive) is feeling offended to that? She should be the last person to post that kind of article!! She should in contrary understand those reactions and behaviors.
Holy crap I didn’t hear of the Université de Montréal blackface stunt… I can’t believe they thought it could be a good idea. Shame on us Montrealers! Also I think I love you.
Great idea about cutting the fat in those old riecpe, big project though. Your first one looks like a real winner. Almonds and cherries are a match made in heaven. Congrats on the big 200!
God help me, I put aside a whole afternoon to figure this out.
I hope it was helpful!
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rewrite them in seconds and post on your site or use for
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You’re half of what is wrong in this world. So you like to straighten your hair and refuse to use colloquiolisms. That’s fine. That dosent make you white, that makes you educated and stylish. But abandoning your race by not only identifying as a white person, but posting how to’s on how to perpetuate ignorance and, dare I say it, racism dosent help anyone’s case. It just makes me ashamed of you.
From one nigger to another
We’re having a conference on Oreo best practices in a few months. I’ll send you some literature on it.
Do’s and Dont’s of a blackface party
1: DON’T HAVE A FUCKING BLACKFACE PARTY
2: Drink bleach whoever wrote this article
If you are an African American and are OK with blackface you are a disgrace to the black community