racist parties

Dos and Don’ts for Attending Yoga and Other Racially Themed Events

One of the best ways to have fun as a group is to play pretend and act like you’re a totally different group. Kids do this at parties all the time. They play Castle ™ or Princess ™ or if you’re me, you played Let’s Write Checks At the Grocery Store ™.

But adults do things differently. Gone are the days when you could just get your gal pals together and have a Fairy Tea Party ™. Adults have to up the stakes. And the Power of Your Om Yoga Studio in Santa Barbara, CA showed us exactly what those stakes should be.

Last week, the yoga studio hosted a Ghetto Fabulous Yoga Night. Per the invitation.

“Each month we will be featuring a new funky class…this month let’s get ghetto fabulous! You sport the white tank, roll up one leg of your tight black pants, and we’ll make sure to have a rockin’ playlist bring the bling”

Invitees were directed to:

“Come dressed in your favorite ghetto fabulous outfit, snap-back caps, corn rows, heavy lip liner or whatever you can dream up.”

Then afterward, everyone posted pictures proving that a good time was had by all.

Throwing gang signs--the authentic way to end Savasana  (source)

Throwing gang signs–the authentic way to end Savasana

We all know that the first rule of throwing a blackface party is to NOT TELL ANYONE YOU’RE THROWING A BLACKFACE PARTY. But people not only insist on throwing these things, they’re very excited to tell everyone that they’re happening.

Which means that it’s not unlikely that you might accidentally wander into such an event. You might be tempted to walk back out, but with the following Do and Don’t list, you can attend your racially dubious event with ease.

  • DO keep an open mind. People who embarrass you are people, too. We should accept them.
  • DON’T take it personally. They’re not making fun of you, just people you’re potentially related to. Stop being all uppity about it
  • DO allow people to ask you to validate their choices. Chances are someone will say something like “did I do these cornrows right?” or “Where can I get a better grill” or “Do you have a do-rag I can borrow?” Just smile, nod and let them touch your hair. They’re having a good time.
  • DON’T be a jerk and ruin all the fun.
  • DO hang out after class. They’re going out for drinks, why not join them? That way you can giggle over how much fun it all was, make plans for the next big event and cocktail away your pain.
  • DON’T miss even more fun upcoming classes! In the next few weeks, be sure to catch:

Run for the Border Restorative

Next week we’re gonna fiesta as we get fit! Come to class dressed in your favorite poncho, sombrero, or day laborer outfit and get ready to stretch out those sexy salsa hips! We’ll swap out our yoga bricks for old lawnmowers for added authenticity. Don’t worry about those armed guards at the door, we just want it to feel like you’re really there! Ole! Ayiyiyiyiyiyi! Casa! Perro!

Burka’d Bikram

In October, we’re turning our Sun Salutations East! The Middle East that is! Ohmygod, you guys, we’re hilarious!! You thought our hot room was toasty before. Well, wait for this! You’ll be shocked at how much you sweat in our full length burkas! Remember girls, though we can only see your eyes, we’ll still be able to tell if you’re cheating. And we all know what happens when you cheat. We are not afraid to stone a bitch!

OG Kundalini

In December, just in time for Christmas, we’re going OG – that’s Original Ghetto to you! You sport the tattered pants, the torn shirt, shoeless feet and those super cute side curls! We’ll bring yellow arm bands for everyone and supply a rockin’ klezmer-polka mashup!

Can’t wait to see everyone there!

For more awesomely awkward shindigs, check out:

DOs and DON’Ts For Throwing a Blackface Party

Pretty much every year, a group of college students decides it’ll be a swell idea to host a party where people dress up like minorities by, among other things, donning some good ol’ fashioned blackface and sometimes a grill or two.

Just a reminder that these people were all making active choices.

Just today, we learned that sorority sisters at The University of Southern Mississippi were put on probation after they decided to dress up like the Huxtables. (Argyle and wigs were not enough, natch, they had to go whole hog).

Earlier this year, students at Université de Montréal donned blackface for a presentation in their business class.

C’est manifique, messieurs!

Last year, students at the University of California, San Diego hosted a “Compton Cookout.” The invitation to that party went a little something like this:

“February marks a very important month in American society. No, i’m not referring to Valentines day or Presidents day. I’m talking about Black History month. As a time to celebrate and in hopes of showing respect, the Regents community cordially invites you to its very first Compton Cookout.

For guys: I expect all males to be rockin Jersey’s, stuntin’ up in ya White T (XXXL smallest size acceptable), anything FUBU, Ecko, Rockawear, High/low top Jordans or Dunks, Chains, Jorts, stunner shades, 59 50 hats, Tats, etc.

For girls: For those of you who are unfamiliar with ghetto chicks-Ghetto chicks usually have gold teeth, start fights and drama, and wear cheap clothes – they consider Baby Phat to be high class and expensive couture. They also have short, nappy hair, and usually wear cheap weave, usually in bad colors, such as purple or bright red. They look and act similar to Shenaynay, and speak very loudly, while rolling their neck, and waving their finger in your face. Ghetto chicks have a very limited vocabulary, and attempt to make up for it, by forming new words, such as “constipulated”, or simply cursing persistently, or using other types of vulgarities, and making noises, such as “hmmg!”, or smacking their lips, and making other angry noises,grunts, and faces. The objective is for all you lovely ladies to look, act, and essentially take on these “respectable” qualities throughout the day.

A few years ago, word got out that students at Tarleton State University, University of Connecticut School of Law, Clemson University and the University of Arizona all threw ghetto parties on Martin Luther King Day.

Happy MLK Day, everyone!

It seems that like prostitution and casual drug use, these peccadilloes are here to stay. So instead of trying to legislate morality into students, maybe we should take a cue from the Libertarians and give everyone some guidelines on how to party like it’s 1849 without risk of disciplinary action. It’s like learning how to have safe sex…assuming that by “sex,” we mean “really terrible party ideas that the future leaders of our country maybe shouldn’t be coming up with.”

So here are some Dos and Don’ts for your next ghettotastic shindig.

  • DON’T:  have a blackface party at a school with a black dean. I’m looking at you Mississippi!
  • DO: Keep a tight grip on the invite list. Some people are really sensitive and will report your party to school officials because they’re too busy not taking that stick out of their ass. So don’t let word get around that you’re hosting.
  • DON’T: Post pictures on facebook, Twitter, tumblr…actually, don’t take any pictures at all. Remember that person with the stick where the sun don’t shine? Well those same humorless aholes will likely send those pictures to someone who has the ability to make your life more difficult. So take the higher road and don’t give them the ammunition they need.
  • DO: not ask yourself why this is the theme you chose for your party in the first place. You have way too much to do to spend time thinking about your decisions may affect other people. Besides, don’t they see how ridiculously clever and ironic you are!  Ugh! They’ve probably never heard of Middling Banana Sunshine Patrol either and MDSP is like the best thing to happen to house music since…you know what, never mind, you have to be really in the scene to even get what they’re doing.
  • DON’T: make friends with RBP..like ever. They will straight leave your ass (and maybe cut you) when they see the one picture you couldn’t help but take. They may also report you to the dean. Oreos are probably pretty safe as they won’t bother showing you the silent tears they’re crying on the inside.
  • DO: remember to wash off the shoe polish before class in the morning! Showing up with those streaks on your face will be as awkward as it was waking up to that person in your bed who was soooo not cute now that you’re sober. Ick!!
  • DON’T: bother maybe doing a quick Google search to see why blackface is so fucking offensive, it’ll just bring down the mood of the room – total party foul!

Happy Partying!!!

What other tips do have for getting away with pretty offensive behavior? What do you think of these parties? Have you ever been? When’s your next one? Can I come? Let us know in the comments!


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