oreo

Oreo Interviews – Dale, grocery store owner

Grocery cart Every once in a while, I have the chance to talk with people who really remind me why I’m fighting so hard for my Oreodom. I stumbled across my latest interview quite by accident.

I was researching famous black actor Steppin Fetchit. Mr. Fetchit changed the course of life for African Americans everywhere by condoning what ruling class performers were already doing in minstrel shows by becoming a minstrel who came already blackfaced. Instead of presenting himself as an intelligent, upwardly mobile human, he presented himself as a shuffling, idiotic, infantile man. And in so doing, became the first African American millionaire.

His legacy forever altered the way of colors were seen on TV.

Naturally, this is the kind of material a good Oreo should watch over and over again just to keep the self loathing fresh and on hand.

When I googled “step n fetch”–the term that was ultimately derived from his name to describe a certain type of behavior and persona, I found a variety of businesses who use the name.

The first one I was able to contact was Step N Fetch Um Grocery in a small town in Oklahoma.

Because it’s rare to find a business who so blatantly reminds its customer base what the average Oreo is fighting against, I knew I had to speak to the owner to thank him for justifying my fight. Below is the transcript of some of the highlights of the conversation.

OW: …I actually found your business because I was looking for some information on the actor Stepin Fetchit. Do you know that is?

Dale: Mmm, no. I never…I heard about it, but I don’t know–

OW: –Who he is?

Dale: Ahh, I don’t know any details on it. I just…Somebody has–they’ve asked several times and I tell them “I don’t know.”

OW: Oh really? People have asked about it before? What do they say?

Dale: They just asked me if I come up with that name, I say “no.”

Dale then explained to me that the name was actually created by his business partner who unfortunately passed away quite some time ago. Dale bought the business from his partner’s wife and kept the store and the namesake.

OW: Have you ever looked up who Stepin Fetchit is?

Dale: Mmm, no. In fact, though, last year, one of the school kids, I guess they were studying something in school and they asked me about it.

OW: You guys should look up the actor sometime, though, he’s really interesting. He was a black actor in the first part of last century, which was really groundbreaking at the time. But he kind of created the sort of character that a lot of black characters are in movies today. He was kinda dumb and very much like “yes, missa, lemme do that fo’ ya missa,” like evoked that kind of persona. Which, I don’t know. I’ve heard that some people get offended by that. Have you heard that?

Dale: Yeah. I’ve heard some of it. It’s kinda like …and I don’t know if you remember this or not, but do you remember Sidney Poitier, he played with–he was the first black cowboy I’d ever seen.

OW: What was he like?

Dale: He was great. He was a real good actor.

OW: Sidney Poiter was an amazing actor. Did he play the same kind of character that Stepin Fetchit did? Like the kind of dumb guy?

Dale: No, he played one of the main characters.

OW: That’s great. Good thing you didn’t name your business after Sidney. That would have been an awkward homage.

We talked movies for a bit, before returning to the topic at hand.

Dale: It’s interesting that people bring this up every once in a while. Evidentially, it must be back in the history books.

OW: Are they upset or bothered?

Dale: No, they just ask about it and I tell them my partner made it up.

OW: Was your partner black by any chance?

Dale: No. He was from down eastern Oklahoma.

OW: When people ask about the business name, are they upset or concerned or do they like it?

Dale: I had one lady who said “Well, that’s kinda offensive.” I said “Well, I dunno. Not that I know of.”

OW: She asked if you thought it was offensive and you said you didn’t know.

Dale: Yeah, it was somebody from out of town. It wasn’t nobody–

OW: Oh, she wasn’t from your town?

Dale: No. Huh-uh.

OW: Was she black?

Dale: Uh, she was part. But she was asking me about this and I said “I don’t know!”

OW: Well, I mean, why would you konw. And why would you go look it up? That’s a lot of time to take.

Dale: Well, a lot of people get curious on stuff like that. I’m not a great big history buff. It doesn’t concern what we’re going through. If it doesn’t affect us now, I don’t really worry about it. That was 40 or 50 years ago.

OW: Yeah, stuff that happened 40 or 50 years ago does not affect what’s going on today.

Dale: It’s like my ancestors. They came over here from Switzerland.

OW: I love skiing. Do you get to go skiing very much?

Dale: My granddad used to talk about fighting over horse biscuits in the street.

OW: Horse biscuits?

Dale: Horse poop.

OW: Oh! Those kinds of horse biscuits.

Dale: They had to use it for burning over there. I thought that was kind of hard to believe, but like this other stuff, it doesn’t have anything to do with what’s going on today.

OW: That does sound like the same issue as Stepin Fetchit’s dubious legacy.

Dale: Yeah, because we don’t have to put up with it.

OW: Yeah, don’t have to put up with fighting for fuel in the streets. Don’t have to put up with terrible images of black people in movies. It’s all better.

Dale: Yes.

Dale went on to tell me how he grew up mostly around Native Americans. He even had a black friend in high school.

OW: So, because you grew up around so many minorities, do you feel a connection to the cultures?

Dale: Oh yes! They had the same problems that we did.

OW: Exactly the same problems.

Now, I understood. That connection that he so proudly proclaimed clearly explained why he didn’t waste any time figuring out if the name of his business was offensive or at the very least, outdated.

OW: Now, are there very many people of color in your town?

Dale: I’ve got one sitting right here.

OW: Well, congratulations.

Dale: Do you want to talk to him?

And that’s when the conversation became terrifying. Not just because I was chatting with another of color–if any other Oreos would have seen me, I’d be chastised for sure, but because of what he told me mere second into the conversation.

OW: I’m a little intrigued by the grocery store Step N Fetch Um. Are you a regular here?

RBP: Oh yes.

OW: Do you like the name?

RBP: Yeah! Ain’t nothing wrong with this name. We still have to step and fetch it!

Well, technically not since 1865, but who’s counting?

OW: Do you know the actor Stepin Fetchit?

RBP: I know all that, but if you leave the name alone, it’ll be okay.

OW: Did you like his work? Did you think he was funny?

RBP: Yeah, he was funny.

OW: So you’ve seen very many of his movies.

RBP: I’ve seen practially all of them.

So I guess Tyler Perry is on to something, after all.

OW: Well, thank you. I am off to go shine some shoes and serve some lunch, I will talk to you guys later.

RBP: Okay, bye.

Please enjoy the following clip of Stepin in action. (Just in case it’s not clear, Step is the lazy man in bed who can’t get up, is fascinated by the telephone, can barely get his words out, and happily admits to being 11 months behind on rent)

Tyler Perry in Question

diaryblackwoman6 So, it’s been the general opinion of this blog, its readers and the movie viewership of America that Tyler Perry is the cheif anti-Oreo. What the spawn of satan will be to the end of days, TPear is to attempts to assimilate.

The Oreo Experience wonders now if this is the case.

Hear me out. While Tyler appears to stand for all that TOE detests, there are some key elements about him that may indicate is is a sheep in wolf’s clothing and perhaps, and this is a big perhaps, an Oreo deep down inside.

For example, Tyler Perry:

Exhibits a poor view of black people. His movies and shows rely on trite sterotypes to find the funny. Is he writing this way because it’s what makes money, or because it’s what he believes? If it was purely about capitalism, surely some of his truth would have seeped out by now and he would have made something pleasant. But the self-loathing evident in his product makes him a prime candidate for Oreodom.

Enjoys exploiting people of color. At his current rate of production, TP puts out a movie and nearly a full run of TV series a year. This means he has a slew of people working very hard so that he can make media junket appearances. Because he runs “black” shows, and because he chose to settle in Atlanta, most of his employees are of color. Notably, his writers, who Perry seemingly prevented from joining their union during their employ. Only relatively recently, and after millions in his own pockets did TP give in.

Is intmidated by Spike Lee. Thanks to blogger Belle Woods for reposting comments on Tyler Perry’s reaction to director Spike Lee. Apparently Spike called TP on the carpet for his portrayal of black people. Tyler fought back, claiming that Madea is really a subversive way of instilling value in the viewers. Now, while a true Oreo would invite Spike over for scones and conversation, a self loather would take the same emotional stance as the fairer folks and tuck tail a bit when Lee speaks.

The jury is still definitely out. But I’m keeping my eye on him. Maybe he’ll surprise me.

Or maybe we’ll get a new summer blockbuster: Madea Does Dallas.

Lost in Translation

Hindsight is always 20/20 and I’ve come to realize that for the last week, my coworker has been seeing me in quite the wrong light.

Forget Medea and Jason, this was a Greek tragedy!

When I told her what I was going to see after work last Thursday, her eyes got gleefully big and told me that I would have a blast!

I appreciated the well wishes, but I was surprised. This is a coworker who every weekend, tells stories of embraces with strangers at trendy bars, henna tattoos and occasionally dred-locking her blonde hair. To see her be impressed with my tickets to Medea was a pleasant surprise.

Monday morning, she made clear to me what she meant.

“Did you love it,” she squealed as she burst into my office. “She’s so funny…”What’cha’ll gone do? what’cha’ll gone do? Y’all best know dat ‘ho.’ I could imitate her all day!”

Apparently, my coworker did not notice the important difference between the names “Medea,” the enchanting daughter of King Aeëtes, granddaughter of sun god Helios and wife to hero Jason, whom she helped through his trials as he fought to claim the golden fleece. And “Madea,” a woman who is really Tyler Perry in drag and who delights in being sassy, protecting her offspring through colorful language and generally making life harder for black people.

I’m not sure what about my Queen Elizabeth mousepad or the framed degree from Bryn Mawr on my wall that led her to believe that I would poison my eyes with such a thing, but I’m worried that my identity is not being made clear. Suffice to say I’m hoping to keep my office door closed, and play my Chopin a little more loudly through it.

PS. In case you’re wondering if the Medea retrospective featuring the various incarnations of her story as told by Francesco Cavalli, Marc-Antoine Charpentier, Saverio Mercandante, Darius Milhaud and progressive Dutch rock band Kayak was worth the $100+ ticket. It was indeed.

Obama Takes Don’t Ask Don’t Tell From Gays, Gives to Oreos

alg_obama_dont_ask WASHINGTON – In a highly anticipated move this weekend, President Barack Obama promised gays in the military that they would soon no longer have to abide by the Don’t Ask Don’t Tell Policy and told Oreos that they would soon be able to.

“This is a huge victory,” said Trevor Wilcox, an Oreo from New Hampshire. “It always comes up in conversation that we’re ‘different than other black people.’ Now, the phrase ‘black people’ can’t even enter into the conversation. It’s like hiding in plain sight. We couldn’t be happier.”

At the President’s historic speech, some Oreos expressed their condolences toward the gay community.

Said Becky Harris, an Oreo from Buffalo, Wyoming: “You would think as a near-Oreo himself, Obama would know better than to ask gays to be openly against the mainstream. I mean, during his campaign, Obama went through great pains to support white frustration at black angst, distance himself from his black pastor and have his wife wear J. Crew.”

At the end of the speech, the crowd of thousands cheered Obama’s pledge. However, if the new Don’t Ask Don’t Tell policy goes the way of of Obama’s other campaign promises, these changes won’t go into effect until sometime in the 3000s.

Catch 22s – What’s an Oreo to Do?

210160_f520 I just finished taking the Stuff White People Like Test again. It’s part of my regular Oreo maintenance and something I would recommend all Oreo hopefuls do to track their progress.(NOTE: The SWPL list online varies slightly from the test in the book–which, of course, is a proud part of my home library).

Don’t worry if you start out with an initial score in the 60s or 70s, you’re still half way there. Not all of us can get a 97% like yours truly.

And some anglo-tastic things do take getting used to. When I first started eating expensive sandwiches, for example, my common sense really wanted to kick in and tell me to save my $17 dollars for something more impressive than chicken salad on a brioche. But I was using the word ‘brioche’ in a sentence, so I kind of had to go for it.

gentrification2

Likewise, gentrification has its obvious downsides and I do feel bad when I see the trail of tears that is the working class hoping that the move inland will treat them better. But how else am I going to ensure that I stand out in the neighborhood?

Some things, however, were just easy. I mean, who doesn’t enjoy non-motorized boating, Portland, Oregon or trying too hard.

The full list of Stuff White People Like serves as a very handy guide for Oreos, but there are some things on the list that cause problems. For example, White People like The Wire, Dave Chappelle and…it hurts to type this…having black friends.

So what’s an Oreo to do? If a person of color says that they like The Wire, Dave Chappelle or having black friends, they are considered typical, crass and unfriendly, respectively. The ruling class expects us to like these things because they look like us. So in order to maintain Oreodom, we have to lose any affinity for them. But in order to achieve 100% on the SWPL test, one has to admit to liking them.

The dilemma makes your head hurt almost as much as relaxer cream stings the scalp.

The truth is that it’s precisely these kinds of things that are keeping me from scoring 100% on the test.

The best I can offer you is this: When discussing these subject, choose your words carefully, and tread lightly. Very lightly–outside and inside. And when in doubt, pull our your Criteron Collection edition of Song of the South and a David Sedaris story and you’ll win them back.

Obama Problems – Education

Secretary of Education, Arne Duncan

President Obama agreed with Education Secretary Arne Duncan, this week when he said the American school year should be longer so that more students will get a better chance at a better education.

Currently, US 4th graders ranked 11th in reading skills and below Latvia and Kazakhstan in math skills.

Obama suggested that keeping students in school longer will help them become more competitive in the global economy when they are adults.

The students most likely to be influenced by these changes are students of color who are on average more likely to be in underperforming schools.

And thus, the students most likely to be harmed by this potential legislation: budding, young Oreos.

When I was in school, I didn’t have a President pushing math and science at me. I found those nerdy subjects all by myself. I could have easily paid attention to the football and basketball games that I attended…in my marching band uniform. How fantastic are spats, btw!!!

LITTLE-DORRIT.300

But I snuck my calculus books into the stadium in my hatbox underneath my band cap’s bright white feather plume and I didn’t need an elected official to tell me to kill my social life like this. I did it because I cared enough to do it.

And because of those early efforts, I have won the right to call myself an Oreo today.

Imagine the tens of students like myself who would no longer be the special, noteworthy darker skinned child who bucked the trend and read on their own volition, could solve a differential equation because they liked it and joining the Academic Decathlon team because the bullying hurt so good.

If all students are encouraged–and especially by a President of half color–then my work would be in vain, my efforts would be for naught, and my Dickens Fair Society would no longer be a color-free, safe haven.

C’mon, Mr. President. You know you love Little Dorrit reenactments. Don’t take those away from me.

Ten reasons for Oreos to enjoy Yom Kippur and other Jewish holidays.

http://www.jewtees.com

It’s not just the fact that we get to think about what’s wrong with us that makes Yom Kippur an important holiday for an Oreo.

There are at least nine other reasons why Oreos should pull up a seat next to our Jewish friends, twist our freshly pressed hair into side curls and join them in celebrating the Day of Atonement.

1. We can eat fried foods without being all stereotypetastic about it. Let’s hear it for kreplach.

2. Being a kosher Oreo leads to fun new words like “Koshoreo.”

3. Fasting makes people too weak to notice what you look like.

4. Circumcision is probably as painful as a relaxer.

5. Communing with former slaves is okay when they can pass for white.

5. “Shana Tova” sounds much better than “What up shawty.”

6. On the Day of Atonement, Jews celebrate the fact that G-d will forgive the sinful nature of their humanity, present at birth, and give them a fresh start for another year. Oreos can celebrate, too, the fact that a chosen few of the privilege class will forgive us the nature of our birth.

8. Sammy. Davis. Jr.

9. The bitter herbs eaten at meals will taste much like your overly controlled soul.

10. We are in the Jewish year 5770. More than 3000 years ahead of the mainstream calendar. Maybe in a parallel Jewish universe, we are equally ahead in society and we don’t have to work so hard to blend in–by 5770, it should come naturally.

New Neighbor Nightmare

carrying-moving-boxes-up-stairs I spent the day moving and was terrified at what I found in my complex.

Before moving in, my new building manager kept telling me about my neighbors Pam and David. He told me how nice they were. How sweet they were. How they’d be more than willing to watch my cat or feed my sugar glider.

What he did not tell me what that Pam and David…were black.

I discovered this nick on the property value as I was already hours deep into the move.

Not only are they black, they are older and kind and wise. I’m basically living next door to Morgan Freeman.

MorganFreeman

This not only takes the black to white ratio of my location up too high, it also tempts me, daily. The niceness is attractive and I would love to get their experienced thoughts on investment opportunities, the state of the education system or whether or not this guy is worth the effort.

They also make what smells like a perfectly prepared sweet potato casserole with fantastically seasoned pork chops.

Why must they taunt me? Oh, I see. They think I can’t stand up to their sweet faces and their delicious food. But watch me. I will proudly live next door to them and never once darken their doorstep.

Unless they pull out the banana pudding, too. Everyone has an Achille’s Heel.

WPTTR! – White People To the Rescue

Listen up, kids. Did you think for one minute that maybe you didn’t really need to keep up the fight? Worried that your inner bleaching efforts were all in vain? That maybe, just maybe we didn’t need to lighten up a little?

They’re watching…out for us! 🙂

Well, thanks again to Hollywood for reminding us that is not the case at all.

In the new movie, The Blind Side, Sandra Bullock saves a poor kid of color in that special way that only rich white

people can. Further kudos to pearly-skinned writer/director John Lee Hancock for telling the story of a black person in the very special way that only a rich white person can. Further rounds of applause for Warner Bros for leaving folks of color out of the major above the line positions on the script. That would only bring an uncomfortable verisimilitude to the whole process.

So keep your chins up and any natural inclinations at bay. We’re Marching on to Zion and with the right help, we’ll get there one day.

Oreo Outrage Over Ointment

A friend sent me this video this weekend and I was horrified. The ad is for skin whitener and it features a fair skinned man telling his friend that in order to get the girl/job/general symbol of success, he needs to lighten his skin.

What an upsetting piece of advertising!

The whitening should come from within.

Bleaching your skin is just cheating. It’s a final step only if and when one achieves true Oreodom through actions, thought repression and penance. When the rest of the world accepts you fully as one of their own despite your overabundance of melanin, then and only then can you complete your transformation. Until then, the efforts of your blood sweat and tears you cry to yourself with when no one else is looking will shine through and make you seem white without the crutch of a cream.