There are Dumb Questions – Like This One About Hair

When I left work on Friday, my hair was about shoulder-length. It was reddish brown and cut into a nice little bob with bangs.

When I got to work this week, my hair stretched to the middle of my back and was jet black. Still have the bangs, though.

Some things are rocket science. This is not one of those things.  (source)

Some things are rocket science. This is not one of those things.
(source)

Basically, after straightening my hair since I was 8 (so you know, only like 13 years ago), I got tired of the chemical burns, I got tired of the dollops of hot grease dipping from the hot comb and I did what any self-respecting, professional woman would do. I learned to be content with who I was and love me for me. I decided that even though I can’t grow long hair, I can still buy it.

Beautiful silky waves of someone else’s hair have been affixed to my own. No heat. No chemical burns. Just an afternoon in the chair watching Miss Congeniality and The Proposal. I love me some Sandy B. (well, mostly)

It’s understandable that people would be surprised when they saw me. I look quite a bit different. I’m super excited about my hair, so I’m tossing it around like a child and I’m sure everyone in the morning meeting was wondering why I was grinning like I just won my first ballet recital.

Because of the change, there are plenty of perfectly reasonable questions to ask. This, however, is not one of them:

“Did you get extensions?”

That is a dumb question. Because by asking it, you’re assuming one of two things: that you just didn’t ever notice this extra foot of hair on me in the year to 10 years we’ve known each other; or that you live in a world where hair grows 12-13 inches over night all while changing color so the extra hair is just a biological possibility and not clearly the work of a scalp-centric intervention,.

If you didn’t notice me before, you don’t have to start now. And if you live in a world where hair grows that fast, please let me in!! I’ve been trying to get long hair since I was about 8. It’s never happened until now. And if there was a way to do it without also having to watch Think Like a Man (it was her salon, I could only ask for so much Sandy before she pulled rank) please let me know! I’ll move if it means I end up in a hairadise where long locks come easy.

Just in case someone else changes their hair and you want to ask something stupid about it, here are some alternatives to ask instead:

  • I was thinking of cutting my hair into a French New Wave blunt boxy thing, too. Can you give me your stylist’s number?
  • What does your boyfriend/girlfriend/pet sitter/mistress think of your new look?
  • Do you smell that?
  • Have you forgiven Sandy for The Blind Side yet? (spoiler alert: only kind of)
  • Holy s*it! Did you see GoT last night? (spoiler alert: I’ve never watched GoT)
  • Has anyone told you you’re like this office’s Joan Holloway-Harris?
  • I know you like your new do, but can you stop twirling around and give us the dates on your production report?
  • No really, do you smell that? It smells like burning.
  • I was thinking of a more efficient way of running these meetings, can I run it by you?
  • What are you reading these days?
  • Is After Earth really that bad?
  • Guys, I think this isn’t a fire drill, should we go outside?
  • Do you know where we turn in time cards?
  • How long after the wedding is it still cool for me to get a gift to the happy couple?
  • Do you mind not biting your nails so loudly?
  • Why wouldn’t I want to see another picture of your cat?
  • Seriously? You watched an episode of Splash…not Smash…but Splash?!
  • Fine you guys, I’m not taking my chances. Sure it might just be a bagel left in the toaster oven, but this meeting has been totally derailed anyway, am I right?

See, look how many options there are. We’re all adults and can make intelligent conversation without doing some Meisner exercise of stating the obvious.

The only reason you’d need to double check if long hair is extensions is if you’ve all been the survivors of a Lost-style plane crash and you need all the hair you can gather to make a rope to get in and out of the hatch more effectively or a sail so you can take your chances on the open sea. Outside of that situation, just use your best judgment and ask pretty much anything else instead.

What’s the dumbest thing someone has asked you lately? Or have you let a question slip that should have stayed inside your brain? And what was the big deal about GoT this weekend? Let us know in the comments!

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2 comments

  1. Ye Gods you are a lovely woman. Amazingly so. And no, I am not a creeper, just stating fact. Please write me and let me know you read this, it would truly mean a lot.

  2. LOL @ Sean… “I am not a creeper”… you do know that if you have to open with defending your request by stating what you are not…

    Anywho, people often go on “impulse power” when you make a big change like adding extensions to your look… and because there is still some stigma to it, it is also an issue of political correctness…

    …at least no one is asking you if you got “a weave”… that sounds sooo tacky..!

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