One of the motivators that helps me stay on track is the fact that according to society things featuring non-colors are just things while things featuring of colors are…different.
Example
White brides are just “brides.” Black brides are not just brides.
Black people do not enjoy Jurassic Park or Mortal Kombat. (btw, I was all about the icy spit thing when I was a young Oreo!)
What do you call it when you separate people or things by race? That’s right…inspiration!!
Thanks to Old Spice.
A yacht, a horse, box seats, his own apartment! Yup. He’s one of us.
Any takers?
When travelling, it’s important to keep the Oreo identity up even overseas (more on that when I get back). But thanks to news about tax time in the states, that wasn’t so difficult.
Having a (half) black (so says the Census) president is an interesting situation for an Oreo.
First, we were forced to choose between John McCain (the Oreo choice for strictly societal reasons) and Obama (the obvious choice per society if you were of color…or a person). Check one box and you can set yourself apart from all of the world’s expectations and be the subject of interesting conversations. Check the other and you could sleep a little better at night.
And now, thanks to a (half) black man in the White House, we’re often told that because we’re living in post-racial America, there’s no need for Oreos at all. But we still have an awesome opportunity!
Because now, Oreos can listen to Tea Party rants and figure out a great political party with which to align. No one’s gonna see it coming if you check the box for Tea Party. What better way to express your self loathing than that!
Now, in order to do this, you’re going to have to ignore some of what the socialists like to call “facts.” Like how we’re actually paying less in taxes under Obama than we were under Bush. So says Bruce Bartlett, a fiscal conservative and member of W’s and Reagan’s team.
“Federal taxes are very considerably lower by every measure since Obama became president…. and last year’s stimulus bill, enacted with no Republican support, reduced federal taxes by almost $100 billion in 2009 and another $222 billion this year.”
And here are some other numbers to back that up. These are from the Examiner.
In fact, nearly every American saw their tax burden decrease under Obama administration policies. No matter how you look at the data Americans are generally paying a lesser percentage of their income in federal taxes than before President Obama. For example, an average family making between $40,000-$50,000 is paying $472 less than when President Obama came into office. An average taxpayer making $50,000-$75,000 is paying $522.
But spouting something like that would make you sound like an RBP. Instead, pass around this video brought to you by our friends and golf partners at the RNC.
What do you think? Did you feel more of a pinch this year? Has your return been lackluster? Or do you think that we’re doing okay tax-wise?
One of the risks you always run as an Oreo is someone giving you an overly ethnic gift that is hard to justify turning down. Such was the case with the CD with which I was gifted before my flight: W. Kamau Bell’s Face Full of Flour.
At first, I was excited, thinking that maybe this was related to The Bell Curve–a book that is essential reading for an Oreo thanks to its assertions about race and intelligence. **
But ’twas not my fortune. Turns out it was a comedy CD by a black guy. Obviously, I proceeded with caution. The last thing I needed anyone in the airport to hear bleeding from my earbuds was a Chris Rock-esque rant. The airport security scanner may not have gone off when my bag went by on the belt, but my Oreo scanner sure did!
Oreo Approved!
I would have kept it in its place in the bag, except that the inflight movies were all things I had seen a million times. Neverwas, Sound of Music, Match Point. I wanted something new to keep me company.
And so I listened.
And laughed. A lot.
Yikes.
Scary moment, my friends. And one that I highly recommend. I mean, how could I stop listening when I heard what he had to say about Tyler Perry, what his wife looks like and his justification for looser gun control??
You can find Face Full of Flour on itunes and Amazon. Get it and listen. Not only because it’s super hilarious funny, but also because if enough non-colors check it out, it definitely won’t be seen as an of color collectable and I can continue to enjoy it unafraid.
**W. gets points actually for having created a show called “The W. Kamau Bell Curve” that you should also check out if you can!
Check out Bell below. Clip is not totally SFW for language.
News too exciting not to post! Seeing this headline totally got me out of my jet laggy haze.
Virginia Gov. Robert A McDonnell. War hero by proxy.
Yep! In 2010, we are going totally retro! Let’s go rebels!
Part of me now wishes I could spend April there instead of tiptoeing through the tulips just to enjoy what realigining oneself with the Confederacy will do for a people. And what better event for an Oreo to attend!
One of the best convo starters for Oreos is how the Civil War really wasn’t about slavery at all. But about big bad government taking away states rights to own slaves freely govern themselves and pass laws about their slaves.
I can only image what kinds of wonderful historic reenactments and costumed festivities will take place. And hey, if the Sons of the Confederacy think that something is noble and good, then it really must be.
So say the Sons:
The Virginia Division of the Sons of Confederate Veterans congratulates and thanks Gov. McDonnell for showing both the insight and the courage to proclaim April as Confederate History Month in Virginia.
This long-overdue proclamation will do much to promote education and tourism in the Commonwealth. It will also spur localities in Virginia to honor and proclaim their own confederate history months while encouraging the teaching of their own local histories.
Gov. McDonnell was spot on by using the proclamation to showcase the benefits to our state for both educating our children and promoting tourism.
Anyone going to celebrate, please take pictures. And tell them I’ll be there next year!
How thrilled was I to find in one of my Easter eggs yesterday, tickets for accommodations in Keukenhof, the Netherlands, to watch the tulips come in! Just like my season tickets to David Sedaris readings and my adventure holiday as a stable
What's missing from this pic? An adorable kind of black girl? Correct!
hand to the Lipazanners, this is an opportunity an Oreo simply cannot pass up!
Things will be in full bloom in May and that is when The Oreo Experience will continue regular postings.
Until then, I’ll check in with short updates and travel info.
See you in May!
For new readers, no, a Creamy is not a terribly veiled innuendo. It’s something so much better than that.
A Creamy is an honorary award given out to those who embody the true Oreo spirit. Creamies may be acquired for impressive acts of deflection, mis-direction and public self-loathing.
Today’s Creamy should be super-sized because I don’t think I’m going too far when I say the recipient is a genius!!!
So, you may remember the Compton Cookout party that was brilliantly advertised on facebook and organized by college students in San Diego. Well, shortly after that, a noose appeared hanging in the University of San Diego library. The community was all a-tizzy and in very un-Oreo fashion, many RBP students confirmed assumptions and protested these events.
Well, imagine my pride when I learned that whoever put up said noose must have been a TOE reader.
While confidentiality is keeping the prankster’s true identity a secret, an apology printed on the front page of the UCSD student newspaper included this:
“As a minority student who sympathizes with the students that have been affected by the recent issues on campus, I am distraught to know that I have unintentionally added to their pain,” the student wrote. She was suspended Friday and remains under investigation for a possible hate crime.
What a brilliant move!!! Like those guys in DC with the rifles and the serial killing, no one saw this coming from an of color. A black student being under investigation for a potential hate crime…against black students!! Check and Mate!
The woman wrote that she and friends had been playing with the rope early last week, making a lasso and then a noose.
She said that she took it to the library Tuesday, strung it above a desk and forgot about it.
Well orchestrated from the go! This student could have made any number of things with that rope…cat’s cradle, tea cozy, formal bridle. But the choice was a noose! This shows great planning (do you know how to tie a proper noose on short notice?) and wonderful commitment to the cause. I’m all for knowing the punchlines of some of color of color jokes, but creating a physical representation of specific and gruesome crimes…and then “forgetting” that you left it behind…Fan.Tas.Tic.
Congratulations you, whoever you are. If you’re in Los Angeles, look me up. I’ve got all this freshly pressed ivory colored linen and a sewing project that I think might be right up your alley.
So, this week, a man of color helmed the passing of one of the most influential pieces of legislation in our lifetimes.
But don’t worry, that doesn’t mean that your average of colors are able to do much on their own. And remembering that fact is crucial to sticking to the Oreo lifestyle.
The Oreo Experience is therefore very excited to see casting news for “The Help.” The Help is based on the book of the same name by author Kathryn Stockett. In this book, a white woman comes home from college to find that her beloved maid is gone. She decides to look into the matter and after losing her precious possession, she figures out that racism is a bummer and then gives some RBP (other maids) the ability to break their chains.
Even better is who’s attached!!!
Who better to tell the story of some black women suffering from the oppression of a firmly entrenched class and race system? Just like Spielberg’s MLK flick, a core production team of this shade removes any hint of uncomfy verisimillitude from the whole process. Because movies should be fun, not awkward!
Making a movie about the lives of oppressed black women? Meet your dream team!!!
Novelist Kathryn Stockett
Lead Actress Emma Stone
Writer/Director Tate Taylor - dreamy...and creamy!
Producer Chris Columbus
Can’t wait to see what they’ll tackle next! Harriet Tubman biopic, anyone??
See also: MLK has a dream….that white people will make his movie, other movies The Oreo Experience loves and how inspiring movie trailers can be.
This cycle of Tyra Bank’s self-focused extravaganza, America’s Next Top Ty–er Model, started with a wonderful, wonderful surprise. Contestant Simone proudly announced that she was an Oreo!
When she said this, Tyra looked skeptical, and it seemed doubtful that Simone would make it through the next two rounds of elimination.
But a half-shaved head later and Simone is still with us and now can proudly walk the runway…right into our self loathing hearts.
BUT, is Simone’s claim to Oreodom true? As you know, we have high standards at The Oreo Experience and it’s worth taking a moment to see if Simone measures up.
So far, the Oreos have it!
We’ll be watching her progress and rooting for her all the way. And I’m not saying there’s a hand-stitched caplet with her name on it if she wins. But I’m not not saying that, either.
What do you think? Does our little Oreo have a chance? Did they do right by that one girls’ eyebrows? Do you think Simone would accept my Katamari challenge? Let us know what you think.
I was as freaked out by this as I was at Paranormal Activity and when my Arabian jumped a 5-foot square oxer for the first time.
Author Damili Ayo brings us her book, “Obamistan! Land Without Racism.”
A peek inside, shows us gems like this:
…if you are a drug dealer of color and are ready to move on to other work opportunities, you should check out the MBA program at your local university. Having already proven your entrepreneurial skills, you will be given a full scholarship. You will probably drop out before you complete your degree, but as in the tradition of Harvard Business School, that will be because you have been offered a fantastic position at a successful firm. This will leave lots of job openings in your former field for white drug dealers to get their start. However, if you are a white drug dealer, you will need to take more serious precautions against arrest. Before, you could just hide behind a copy of the New York Times and watch as the cops cuffed and booked the brown-skinned man across the street. But your skin no longer serves as your get-out-of-jail-free card. You won’t get less time or lighter sentences either. Basically, the free ride on your white horse is over.
At first blush, such a world may seem like a good thing. But for us Oreos, it most certainly is not.
Without double and difficult standards, how do we know what we’re working toward? If my natural nappy roots were suddenly the norm the nation over, how do I explain to my lungs, the years of having them slowly eroded from breathing sodium hydroxide fumes. What happens when my White People to the Rescue loses relevance because we no longer need them to save us? I have loathed so many things about me for so long…would I even be able to learn to love? The standards create the yardstick and scales I used to measure and record my BMI: Black Meting Index. With nothing to be better than, I would be nothing more than an RBP.
Thankfully, Ayo’s story is just that, a story.
Has anyone else read it? And did you have the same night terrors? Let us know what you thought.
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