4 Reasons Newt’s Child Janitor Plan Effing Rawks!!

So misunderstood.

In Monday’s Republican debate, Newt Gingrich was made to defend statements he made about how black people don’t know that they’re supposed to want to work and that to combat this, we should put kids to work as janitors in their schools.

Over the last few weeks, Gingrich has been credited with these gems:

“I’m prepared, if the NAACP invites me, I’ll go to their convention and talk about why the African American community should demand paychecks and not be satisfied with food stamps.”

“New York City pays their janitors an absurd amount of money because of the union. You could take one janitor and hire 30-some kids to work in the school for the price of one janitor, and those 30 kids would be a lot less likely to drop out. They would actually have money in their pocket. They’d learn to show up for work. They could do light janitorial duty. They could work in the cafeteria. They could work in the front office. They could work in the library.”

A bunch of people have been upset by the comments calling them everything from “ignorant” to “racist” to “holy shit it’s 20-fucking-12, is it really still okay to say these things in public and get a standing ovation for them?!?!?”

Those people are clearly pussies.

Child labor is totally great and could help not only our schools, but our society as a whole!  Check it, yo!

1. Firing working janitors and replacing them with children ensures that we as a nation still have someone to kick around and belittle for not having a job. GOP is fueled in part by the knowledge that poor people are spending all their time selfishly and needlessly gaming a system. The right spends a lot of time talking about how people just need to get jobs and not be unemployed. But with the country on the mend, more people are getting jobs. And thus the party needs more gas. By firing people who have jobs, Newt will ensure that the right will still be right–people just need to get jobs!!

2. Taking kids out of the classroom is actually saving them from boring-ass lectures about dull bullshit like English, history or economics. Newt’s imagined working class of kids will be sooooooo lucky!!!! It’s so hard to stay asleep in class when some teacher is going on and on and on about what happened in our country when or how the political system works or how to read. By stopping kids from going to class, Newt will be saving them from hours and hours of drudgery! Bonus points because since those kids missed all those uninteresting classes in high school, they won’t be able to have to endure more of that crap in college!! Suh-weeeet!

3. It is time to breed a new brand of bully, after all. Kids getting picked on for being too tall or being too short or being too fat or being too thin or being too gay or being too  much of a girl or being too smart or being too dumb or being in class on time or getting to class late or having a cool car or not having a cool car or having adoring parents or not having great parents really leaves bullies with too few options. Now, in addition to all of the above, kids can get picked on for smelling like shit all day. And, since high schoolers are always so super awesome to each other, there’s really very little chance of mean kids leaving extra hearty presents in the loo for their classmates to have to deal with.

4. It takes like two minutes to teach cleaning, it takes like forever to teach empathy. Who has that kind of time?!?!? There are all kinds of complex reasons why kids aren’t keen on working their buns off and doing outstandingly in school.  There are governmental policies like California’s Prop 13 that keep massive amounts of funds from being collected for greedy ol’ public schools, there are family issues, undiagnosed learning disabilities, a dearth of computers, books and desks for kids who need them most, horrible state-sponsored lunches that provide no nutritional value, mental health issues that come from dealing with a life of chronic poverty, broken homes, not having heat. But UGH!! Like who wants to understand how those things work together?!?! That would take like a lifetime of understanding, consideration and the daily practice of good, traditional, Christian values. Why should any of us have to become emotionally uncomfortable to learn that kind of skill when we could just teach kids how to put on rubber gloves and line trash cans?

Woah! Do you see how freaking difficult that looks! Also, why isn't that lazy ass kid doing some hard labor instead of getting a g-d handout??

Thanks for looking out for us, Newt! You are truly the people’s champion.

Want more of this deliciousness? Here are Bachmann’s 8 Other Reasons Slavery Was So Super Kickass!

And here’s a study that explains how prison is a better place for black dudes to be anyway!

What’s your favorite way to put more regulation on the poor, the browns, the gays or the womens while telling the country that you’re the party of less regulation? Let us know in the comments!

For Mor-eo! Follow The Oreo Experience on Twitter (@oreoexperience)
Leave a comment here or at any of the above and let us know what you think!


  1. Well, if the janitor that is fired has some kids that go to that school, his kids can get the low paying job dad used to have. Win/Win. It all works out, right?

  2. Hey, This makes me think about my childhood in a public Belizean school where there weren’t any janitors. There were no nice clean bathrooms or neat playyards. We had to clean the classroom after class time when it was our “duty time”. Teachers had to beg parents to “lend” furniture for the classroom. Maybe it Newt’s plan works, US classrooms can become like the wonderful dirty classrooms I grew up in! That way culture can be appreciated.

  3. Excellent post! You have done an excellent job in pointing out how disconnected a rich and powerful white man is from the complexity of the issue he has supposedly found a perfect solution for. I only wish he (as well as others) could be reading your blog now.

  4. Newt is consistent. He is a pure politician. His only skill is creating controversy to bring attention to himself and take it away from his competition. If you polarize people on two sides, you guarantee to get up to half of the votes… which is how things played out in SC. Going into SC, he didn’t talk about what he would tell the Gay, Muslim, Asian, Native American, Liberal, Jewish, Lithuanian, or Atheist groups if he went to their national conventions, because there is no centuries old hatred to motivate people to vote. But telling White people in SC that he can stop Black people from being lazy will always get you votes. Telling them that you are going to give Black kids jobs as janitors will also get you votes. I can’t imagine how offering a poor 16 year old Black kid a job as a janitor will keep him in school, particularly when the kid finds out that by Newt’s on math that he’s making 1/30th of what the guy before him made to do the same job. I grew up in the suburbs, and if someone told me I had to be the schools janitor because I was Black… I would probably have dropped out and sold drugs… and I was an honor student. Newt just shows how low people will go to get what they want… both politicians and voters

    1. Will, Thanks for the intelligent rsneopse. I wish more people would understand the importance of well thought out posts on the internet. Unfortunately, supporters of candidates often default to a hell yeah! style post, than actually talk about the issues, and I think this is Ron Paul‘s weakest issue.Peaceful settlements are, of course, preferred. South Korea and North Korea share a mutual manufacturing plant which is encouraging. But let’s look at North Korea’s past with respect to South Korea: assassination attempts, bombings of airlines, Special operations insertions, naval attacks, and artillery bombardments. I’m not sure, within that history of the past 30 years or so, shows potential for a peaceful solution short term.I’m not sure that our political goals today are so sinister that it amounts to an our way or the highway philosophy. All parties involved seem to favor a one Korea in the future, and I think it would be welcomed. Indeed, America is not only present in South Korea as a deterrent for North Korea, but also as a deterrent for South Korea. I guess we could roll the dice and see what happens if we leave, but to assume the result would be peaceful is a little bit naive in my opinion.I don’t believe that military alliances are necessarily entangling, but can be productive in the current Geo-political landscape in Asia. The world’s economy is fragile, and susceptible to external factors. In the case of Korea, you’re gambling that peace is attained in a peaceful way. Well, if not, kiss anything Samsung, Kia, or Hyundai goodbye as they are South Korean made.I do agree with you that we should not be policemen of the world. Let the world figure it out for themselves to a large degree where balances of power are practical without American influence. However, where balances of power are not favorable to our allies without some kind of American presence, let us not allow the balances of power to favor violence or international upheaval as a result of our departure.

  5. I watched one of your YouTube videos and thought the worst of you but after reading some of your post I have a very different and favorable opinion of you

  6. What no chimney sweeps. I missed all this being over here but of course I know now why I decided to work in another country. It was all because I couldn’t be a Janitor in High School. I guess I should look for my great grand father’s shoe shine box it may come in handy one day.

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