Prison: 3 Reasons To Visit The New Day Spa for Black Dudes

Everyone needs a place to get away from the routine

Hey black guys! Want a break from that dangerous, deadly life you lead? Do you need a place to lower your blood pressure while communing in a community of your peers?

Try prison!

This headline came out last week which surely didn’t bother anyone in the blogosphere at all:

Black men are half as likely to die at any given time if they’re in prison than if they aren’t, suggests a new study of North Carolina inmates.

The short story is that a new study shows that black men live longer in prison than outside of it. And of course they do! With such comfy quarters and sense of camaraderie, it only makes sense. Here are three reasons why you should book your weekend away today!

(PS…Did Bachmann and Santorum get this memo?)

1. Sober living!

The black prisoners seemed to be especially protected against alcohol and drug-related deaths…

Few things are more sobering than living in a studio apartment (Los Angelinos, am I right!!) and in prison, you don’t even get that much. But it’s all part of simplifying your life.

You're so cute IKEA, but even this adorable Splornjabarn won't fit between the cot, the toilet, the shiv stand and the shame. Bummer!

2. Clean pipes!

White prisoners died of cardiovascular diseases as often as expected and died of cancer slightly more often than non-prisoners.

Black inmates, by contrast, were between 30 and 40 percent less likely to die of those causes than those who weren’t incarcerated

Some might say that it’s depressing that food available to undeserved communities is less healthy than food  that’s served in prison.

Hey! A cucumber! See - spa-like!

But hey, all of us can be lazy cooks at home. You always expect something nicer when you step out.

3. Not murder!

They were also less likely to die of … suicide and murder than black men not in prison.

We talked last week about how awesome it is to live in a gated community. It’s safe in there!  And it doesn’t get much more gated than your average state lock up.

Some folks have said that things like unequal sentence for crack and cocaine violations, Three Strikes laws and  long jail sentences for casual marijuana are just conspiracies. And I think they are conspiring….to help black dudes relax for once!  It’s like they’re trying to throw a fun surprise party getaway!

How do you feel about day spas? Either the kind you elect to go to or the kind you’re forced to when you can’t afford decent legal counsel? Let us know in the comments!


For Mor-eo Oreo: Follow The Oreo Experience on Twitter (@oreoexperience)
Leave a comment here or at any of the above and let us know what you think!


  1. I’ve long suspected a prison conspiracy to keep some minority group alive longer. I had pretty much decided it was women, but between the Casey Anthony verdict and this study…now reconsidering. 😉

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