The appearance ethnic athletes at the Olympics is not news in and of itself. We expect to see of colors there in some events: track and field, basketball, clean up crew.
But this year, of color speed skater Shani Davis is winning medals and sporting his Oreo pride as one of only a handful of blackletes at the Winter Games. Here’s video of Davis setting a new world record (one of the eight he has set). Bonus points for this video being in Dutch!
In 2006, Davis became the first African American to win an individual gold medal at the Winter Olympics. And while media outlets and bloggers write stories about him with headlines like “Soul on Ice,” Davis is reticent to talk about his ethnicity and according to Yahoo!Sports, Davis only wants to be known as a skater, melanin levels, unimportant.
Fun fact: (if wikipedia is to be trusted). The character Frozone in Disney/Pixar’s The Incredibles was based on Davis. Hmm. Definite gold for Oreo-ing it up in Vancouver. But probably a bronze for having Sam Jackson voice him. What? Was Branaugh not free?
Chin up, old boy. You'll be in the picture next time, mate.
When I saw this facebook invitation to a “Compton Cookout” hosted by frat brothers in San Diego, I was upset and heartbroken.
“February marks a very important month in American society. No, I’m not referring to Valentines day or Presidents day. I’m talking about Black History month. As a time to celebrate and in hopes of showing respect, the Regents community cordially invites you to its very first Compton Cookout.
For guys: I expect all males to be rockin Jersey’s, stuntin’ up in ya White T (XXXL smallest size acceptable), anything FUBU, Ecko, Rockawear, High / Low top Jordans or Dunks, Chains, Jorts, stunner shades, 59 50 hats, Tats, etc.
For girls: For those of you who are unfamiliar with ghetto chicks – Ghetto chicks usually have gold teeth, start fights and drama, and wear cheap clothes – they consider Baby Phat to be high class and expensive couture. They also have short, nappy hair, and usually wear cheap weave, usually in bad colors, such as purple or bright red. They look and act similar to Shenaynay, and speak very loudly, while rolling their neck, and waving their finger in your face. Ghetto chicks have a very limited vocabulary, and attempt to make up for it, by forming new words, such as “constipulated,” or simply cursing persistently, or using other types of vulgarities, and making noises, such as “hmmg!,” or smacking their lips, and making other angry noises, grunts, and faces. The objective is for all you lovely ladies to look, act, and essentially take on these “respectable” qualities throughout the day.
Several of the regents condos will be teaming up to house this monstrosity, so travel house to house and experience the various elements of life in the ghetto.
We will be serving 40’s, Kegs of Natty, dat Purple Drank – which consists of sugar, water, and the color purple , chicken, coolade, and of course Watermelon. So come one and come all, make ya self before we break ya self, keep strapped, get yo shine on, and join us for a day party to be remembered – or not.”
Why wasn’t I on the invite list??
Sure, it’s dicey for Oreos to spend time with other people of color, but spending time with people pretending to be of color is just as important as making sure you’ve staked out your place at the regatta. Because here, we are reminded of just how unpleasant we would be if we were RBP.
Thanks, brothers, for the reminder. See you at next year’s Pimps and Hos ball, the Gangta Grill and the Cotton Bowl.
In this video, we see a computer freeze when faced with the face of an RBP. The webcam is supposed to follow the face of the user around. It does so when presented with an anglo visage, but not when presented with an ethnic one. This implies that the software wasn’t programmed to recognize non-standard faces or that the computer, having become self-aware, as such items are want to do, understood the danger inherent therein.
A follow up video, posted by theGrio.com showed an HP webcam experiment that did not produce potentially litigious results. Host Todd Johnson also read a quote from HP where the computer company explained that their cameras don’t work as well in areas with insufficient lighting.
So, the computers don’t recognize RBP in the dark…which is where you most certainly don’t want to run into one. Wishful bionic thinking. The machine is self aware.
Many times, we have discussed why as an Oreo, it is important to keep a perimeter around yourself and between RBP. If you don’t do this, it’s only a matter of time before you discuss issues pertinent to race that make non colors feel uncomfortable and ruin years of hard-earned repression.
So I knew I was taking a chance when I accepted an interview offer from Gus T Renegade, the host of a decidedly un-Oreo podcast.
But, I considered it community service and decided to take a chance and see if I couldn’t spread a little Oreo goodness to the masses.
Unlike my discussion of Longfellow held at the regatta, or the time I discussed the finer points of pointillism over tea at the Getty, the conversation with Mr. Renegade was heated and could definitely not be replayed at the club.
You can play it for yourself if you would like by going to this link and listening to or downloading the podcast.
To my non color friends (read: all my friends ), a sincere apology for having uncomfy phrases like “white supremacy” and “racism” repeated over and over. You know that I would never say such words unless absolutely necessary.
But don’t worry, after the broadcast, I cleansed my palate by watching some Bertol Brecht. Nothing like a little German modernism and Strum und Drang to get the gears going right again.
Sometimes, though they will be impressed with the progress you are making as an Oreo, non-colors will be confused. They’ll look at your burning pile of Ella Fitzgerald records and say something “Do you really need to try so hard to hide? I mean, c’mon, we have a black President.”
The phrase “We have a black President,” seems to be the new “C’mon, some of my best friends are black.”
People will use the phrase to justify anything from encouraging you to accept their present of Jay-Z tickets to being fairly openly racist.
Variations of this phrase include,
“…so what if diversity levels at companies are down, things are clearly different, we have a black President now.”
“…so what if Harry Reid said what he said, the guy in charge of making him apologize is our black President.”
“…who cares that the word “negro” will be on the Census, it obviously doesn’t mean anything bad, we have a black President.”
It may be tempting to point to statics that show that having a black President has done little so far to change the demographics of the inner city working poor or improve the conditions at under funded schools. But doing so will cause you to be seen as an RBP, so stuff it or be ready to be considered the affirmative action slip up.
The better choice is to run a polishing rag over your Young Republicans pin and say “you’re right. Things are different now.”
And be on the look out for other variations on this theme.
You may hear something like: “C’mon LL Cool J’s on NCIS.”
Usually said in response to: A sigh or lament at the fact that most criminals on police procedurals who kill with some sort of complicated and almost understandable emotion are white; and most killers who simply boast of blowing some kid, businessman or prostitute away with no remorse or sense of self-control are of color.
Proper Oreo Response: You’re right. And I do love Cool James.
You may hear something like: “C’mon, you have Roots.”
Usually said in response to: A lament at the fact that film canon about the Holocaust consists of well made movies that show all kinds of emotion, storytelling and filmmaking prowess while movies made about America’s holocaust, slavery, are relegated to maudlin TV movies and show slaves falling in love with their horrifically abusive masters while ignoring stories about how male slaves were regularly castrated sans sedatives, how lots of what we know about gynecology today came from living experiments on female slaves or that the American slave trade was kept going for 50 years after international slave trading was outlawed by slave owners who kept female slaves like breeding cows.
Proper Oreo Response. You’re right. Who doesn’t love Lamar?
You May Hear Something Like: “C’mon, they’re the heroes, they have to win big.”
Usually Said in Response To: Walking out of Avatar and thinking, “isn’t this Dance with Wolves or The Last Samurai just with aliens and a bazillion dollars of special effects instead of minorities. I’m not saying it’s a white guilt allegory, but maybe.”
Proper Oreo Response: You’re Right. Learning one of the most complicated linguistic systems ever known (DWW/AVA), mastering an art in a few months that people have literally spent their whole lives perfecting (AVA/TLS) and being the white love savior for a poor indentured native girl (DWW/AVA) is more than reasonable.
Learn these conversations and soon you may hear something like “You do play squash, right? You should join my league, we meet on Saturday.”
Proper Oreo Response: I’ll be there with bells on.
In an article published on foxnews.com, the confusingly named Juan Williams chided major newspapers for not publishing startling findings from the Pew Research Center for People and the Press that said that whites and blacks are existing in a blissful state of grey and that both camps feel that issues surrounding race are about to vanish.
Let’s take a look at some of his finer points:
JW writes:
“The poll by the respected Pew Research Center for the People and the Press found that 70 percent of white Americans and 60 percent of black Americans “believe values held by blacks and white have become more similar in the past decade.”
I agree. Sure, blacks and white do have the same values. Like I’m sure both sides value say, not murder and not being poor and finding love when they least expect it. Most people have similar values to other people. This doesn’t mean, however that they have similar ways of or equal access to pursuing those values.
For example, I value feeding my soul as well as my belly by having a relaxing, long lunch. So does my boss. We both can’t be out of the office for an extended period of time. Guess who wins.
JW continues:
“The poll also found that 65 percent of whites and 56 percent of blacks believe the gap between standards of living for the two races has narrowed over the last ten years. Even as incomes between the races have slightly widened during those ten years there is the feeling among both races that the level of comfort – living standard – is increasingly similar.”
Here, Williams admits that the gap has gotten bigger, but is happy that we’ve all been duped to believe otherwise.
And take a look at this gem…carefully:
“And in what I think is the most amazing finding of the new poll 52 percent of blacks said that black people who are not getting ahead today are “responsible for their own situation.” Only one-third of black Americans said racism is keeping down the black poor.
Fifteen years polls found the exact opposite with most black people pointing to racism as the major impediment to black people rising up the ladder of social and economic opportunity in the U.S.”
JW asserts that it’s a good thing that fewer blacks feel that racism is making life harder for them. That people are “responsible for their own situation.” This, just after he wrote that the economic gap between blacks and whites is widening.
The inference that has to be drawn from these two statements is that the gap is widening because of something that blacks are doing wrong. Because if racism or historically disenfranchising systems aren’t the problem, then it has to be blacks themselves.
See why I’m trying to hard to escape my ethnicity!
But wait, there’s more!
JW says:
“But there is something else going on here. Since the intense years of civil rights activism in the 1950s and 1960s the rates of high school graduation, income and home ownership have all been climbing for black Americans. But despite those decades of change polls did not find any sudden rise in optimism among black people to match what this latest Pew poll has uncovered.
I think I know why.
Black Americans and especially black civil rights leaders did not want to acknowledge the progress being made on the race relations front. Blacks feared that white America — in the form of government, foundations, churches and educational institutions — might point to any admission of racial progress as evidence that there was no more work to be done to heal the damage done to contemporary American life by racism.”
I heart that he makes this grand and sweeping assertion without any quote or research to back up such a theory.
So is racism about to meet an untimely end? Based on recent films, Golden Globe winners and meetings I’ve had, likely not. But that issue is eclipsed by the best thing about this article and this writer…he’s of color. Were this article written by a non color Foxer, I’d be nonplussed, but it looks like JW is one of us. So I welcome his castigation of the working poor and un-backed up theories with open arms! Welcome aboard Juan.
But we are going to have to change that first name. We can talk about it over ‘tinis. See you at the club, Trevor!
Every once in a while, I have the chance to talk with people who really remind me why I’m fighting so hard for my Oreodom. I stumbled across my latest interview quite by accident.
I was researching famous black actor Steppin Fetchit. Mr. Fetchit changed the course of life for African Americans everywhere by condoning what ruling class performers were already doing in minstrel shows by becoming a minstrel who came already blackfaced. Instead of presenting himself as an intelligent, upwardly mobile human, he presented himself as a shuffling, idiotic, infantile man. And in so doing, became the first African American millionaire.
His legacy forever altered the way of colors were seen on TV.
Naturally, this is the kind of material a good Oreo should watch over and over again just to keep the self loathing fresh and on hand.
When I googled “step n fetch”–the term that was ultimately derived from his name to describe a certain type of behavior and persona, I found a variety of businesses who use the name.
The first one I was able to contact was Step N Fetch Um Grocery in a small town in Oklahoma.
Because it’s rare to find a business who so blatantly reminds its customer base what the average Oreo is fighting against, I knew I had to speak to the owner to thank him for justifying my fight. Below is the transcript of some of the highlights of the conversation.
OW: …I actually found your business because I was looking for some information on the actor Stepin Fetchit. Do you know that is?
Dale: Mmm, no. I never…I heard about it, but I don’t know–
OW: –Who he is?
Dale: Ahh, I don’t know any details on it. I just…Somebody has–they’ve asked several times and I tell them “I don’t know.”
OW: Oh really? People have asked about it before? What do they say?
Dale: They just asked me if I come up with that name, I say “no.”
Dale then explained to me that the name was actually created by his business partner who unfortunately passed away quite some time ago. Dale bought the business from his partner’s wife and kept the store and the namesake.
OW: Have you ever looked up who Stepin Fetchit is?
Dale: Mmm, no. In fact, though, last year, one of the school kids, I guess they were studying something in school and they asked me about it.
OW: You guys should look up the actor sometime, though, he’s really interesting. He was a black actor in the first part of last century, which was really groundbreaking at the time. But he kind of created the sort of character that a lot of black characters are in movies today. He was kinda dumb and very much like “yes, missa, lemme do that fo’ ya missa,” like evoked that kind of persona. Which, I don’t know. I’ve heard that some people get offended by that. Have you heard that?
Dale: Yeah. I’ve heard some of it. It’s kinda like …and I don’t know if you remember this or not, but do you remember Sidney Poitier, he played with–he was the first black cowboy I’d ever seen.
OW: What was he like?
Dale: He was great. He was a real good actor.
OW: Sidney Poiter was an amazing actor. Did he play the same kind of character that Stepin Fetchit did? Like the kind of dumb guy?
Dale: No, he played one of the main characters.
OW: That’s great. Good thing you didn’t name your business after Sidney. That would have been an awkward homage.
We talked movies for a bit, before returning to the topic at hand.
Dale: It’s interesting that people bring this up every once in a while. Evidentially, it must be back in the history books.
OW: Are they upset or bothered?
Dale: No, they just ask about it and I tell them my partner made it up.
OW: Was your partner black by any chance?
Dale: No. He was from down eastern Oklahoma.
OW: When people ask about the business name, are they upset or concerned or do they like it?
Dale: I had one lady who said “Well, that’s kinda offensive.” I said “Well, I dunno. Not that I know of.”
OW: She asked if you thought it was offensive and you said you didn’t know.
Dale: Yeah, it was somebody from out of town. It wasn’t nobody–
OW: Oh, she wasn’t from your town?
Dale: No. Huh-uh.
OW: Was she black?
Dale: Uh, she was part. But she was asking me about this and I said “I don’t know!”
OW: Well, I mean, why would you konw. And why would you go look it up? That’s a lot of time to take.
Dale: Well, a lot of people get curious on stuff like that. I’m not a great big history buff. It doesn’t concern what we’re going through. If it doesn’t affect us now, I don’t really worry about it. That was 40 or 50 years ago.
OW: Yeah, stuff that happened 40 or 50 years ago does not affect what’s going on today.
Dale: It’s like my ancestors. They came over here from Switzerland.
OW: I love skiing. Do you get to go skiing very much?
Dale: My granddad used to talk about fighting over horse biscuits in the street.
OW: Horse biscuits?
Dale: Horse poop.
OW: Oh! Those kinds of horse biscuits.
Dale: They had to use it for burning over there. I thought that was kind of hard to believe, but like this other stuff, it doesn’t have anything to do with what’s going on today.
OW: That does sound like the same issue as Stepin Fetchit’s dubious legacy.
Dale: Yeah, because we don’t have to put up with it.
OW: Yeah, don’t have to put up with fighting for fuel in the streets. Don’t have to put up with terrible images of black people in movies. It’s all better.
Dale: Yes.
Dale went on to tell me how he grew up mostly around Native Americans. He even had a black friend in high school.
OW: So, because you grew up around so many minorities, do you feel a connection to the cultures?
Dale: Oh yes! They had the same problems that we did.
OW: Exactly the same problems.
Now, I understood. That connection that he so proudly proclaimed clearly explained why he didn’t waste any time figuring out if the name of his business was offensive or at the very least, outdated.
OW: Now, are there very many people of color in your town?
Dale: I’ve got one sitting right here.
OW: Well, congratulations.
Dale: Do you want to talk to him?
And that’s when the conversation became terrifying. Not just because I was chatting with another of color–if any other Oreos would have seen me, I’d be chastised for sure, but because of what he told me mere second into the conversation.
OW: I’m a little intrigued by the grocery store Step N Fetch Um. Are you a regular here?
RBP: Oh yes.
OW: Do you like the name?
RBP: Yeah! Ain’t nothing wrong with this name. We still have to step and fetch it!
Well, technically not since 1865, but who’s counting?
OW: Do you know the actor Stepin Fetchit?
RBP: I know all that, but if you leave the name alone, it’ll be okay.
OW: Did you like his work? Did you think he was funny?
RBP: Yeah, he was funny.
OW: So you’ve seen very many of his movies.
RBP: I’ve seen practially all of them.
So I guess Tyler Perry is on to something, after all.
OW: Well, thank you. I am off to go shine some shoes and serve some lunch, I will talk to you guys later.
RBP: Okay, bye.
Please enjoy the following clip of Stepin in action. (Just in case it’s not clear, Step is the lazy man in bed who can’t get up, is fascinated by the telephone, can barely get his words out, and happily admits to being 11 months behind on rent)
Every once in a while, I have the chance to talk with people who really remind me why I’m fighting so hard for my Oreodom. I stumbled across my latest interview quite by accident. 
The Oreo Experience 