black people

Tyler Perry in Question

diaryblackwoman6 So, it’s been the general opinion of this blog, its readers and the movie viewership of America that Tyler Perry is the cheif anti-Oreo. What the spawn of satan will be to the end of days, TPear is to attempts to assimilate.

The Oreo Experience wonders now if this is the case.

Hear me out. While Tyler appears to stand for all that TOE detests, there are some key elements about him that may indicate is is a sheep in wolf’s clothing and perhaps, and this is a big perhaps, an Oreo deep down inside.

For example, Tyler Perry:

Exhibits a poor view of black people. His movies and shows rely on trite sterotypes to find the funny. Is he writing this way because it’s what makes money, or because it’s what he believes? If it was purely about capitalism, surely some of his truth would have seeped out by now and he would have made something pleasant. But the self-loathing evident in his product makes him a prime candidate for Oreodom.

Enjoys exploiting people of color. At his current rate of production, TP puts out a movie and nearly a full run of TV series a year. This means he has a slew of people working very hard so that he can make media junket appearances. Because he runs “black” shows, and because he chose to settle in Atlanta, most of his employees are of color. Notably, his writers, who Perry seemingly prevented from joining their union during their employ. Only relatively recently, and after millions in his own pockets did TP give in.

Is intmidated by Spike Lee. Thanks to blogger Belle Woods for reposting comments on Tyler Perry’s reaction to director Spike Lee. Apparently Spike called TP on the carpet for his portrayal of black people. Tyler fought back, claiming that Madea is really a subversive way of instilling value in the viewers. Now, while a true Oreo would invite Spike over for scones and conversation, a self loather would take the same emotional stance as the fairer folks and tuck tail a bit when Lee speaks.

The jury is still definitely out. But I’m keeping my eye on him. Maybe he’ll surprise me.

Or maybe we’ll get a new summer blockbuster: Madea Does Dallas.

New Neighbor Nightmare

carrying-moving-boxes-up-stairs I spent the day moving and was terrified at what I found in my complex.

Before moving in, my new building manager kept telling me about my neighbors Pam and David. He told me how nice they were. How sweet they were. How they’d be more than willing to watch my cat or feed my sugar glider.

What he did not tell me what that Pam and David…were black.

I discovered this nick on the property value as I was already hours deep into the move.

Not only are they black, they are older and kind and wise. I’m basically living next door to Morgan Freeman.

MorganFreeman

This not only takes the black to white ratio of my location up too high, it also tempts me, daily. The niceness is attractive and I would love to get their experienced thoughts on investment opportunities, the state of the education system or whether or not this guy is worth the effort.

They also make what smells like a perfectly prepared sweet potato casserole with fantastically seasoned pork chops.

Why must they taunt me? Oh, I see. They think I can’t stand up to their sweet faces and their delicious food. But watch me. I will proudly live next door to them and never once darken their doorstep.

Unless they pull out the banana pudding, too. Everyone has an Achille’s Heel.

The Right Keeps On Keeping Us on the Right Track

A thanks to Conservative personalities for helping Van Jones make the right decision.

While Jones took steps toward Oreodom by being the President’s environmental advisor (and not van-jones-washington advising on something more immediate to any minority community like say urban planning or economics), he still had huge hurdles to overcome before fully distancing himself from the burden of his birth.

Jones was a former community activist in Oakland. Couple that with being in such proximity to a high profile person of color (read: President Obama) and his stay in Washington was pretty much Oreo disaster waiting to happen.

Jones also took pains to criticize the government after 9-11 — a move that is terribly of color in its concern and healthy skepticism.

Further thanks goes to the White House itself for not defending Jones’s post-tragedy exercise of free speech. Other top-ranking officials have been fairly silent on the issue and on Sunday, senior advisor David Alexrod praised Jones for leaving his position.

And all of this because our fair skinned friends on the right had the courage to exhibit some tough love and push Jones toward the realization he simply wasn’t coming to. It’s just this kind of support that will help off of us Oreos get to where we need to be.

Thanks, again ruling class. We’d be lost without ya.

xoxo

Go Cougs!

images It’s Labor Day Weekend and that means it’s time to pack away the vestiges of summer and get ready for fall. The tapered capris are going back in the cedar trunk and out come the argyle cardigans. No more endive and mango appetizers, now it’s baked apples and currants. And the soon to come chilly winds will make it too cold to take out the schooner, so I must find another activity. For that activity, I decided on college football.

While NCAA football may seem like a potentially disastrous choice and very un-Oreo, choosing the right team can catapult your status and lead to even greater acceptance.

Most teams, it goes without saying, are not organizations with which I could associate. Far too many players and fans of color attend sporting events for such events to be safe places for an Oreo to attend as well.

2647_thumb Unless, of course, you pick the right team. And that is why I am proud to congratulate the Brigham Young University Cougars! The boys in blue pulled out the stops and showed what they were made of when they defeated #3 ranked Oklahoma today AND their team seems to contain almost exclusively players who are as blanched as the whites on their uniforms.

Also, since BYU is a religious school, these kids know a thing or two about wildly disciplined living, the potential for self-loathing and hiding what you need to to fit in.

2648 Many players on the BYU team are even married, which means they have taken self-imposed constraints to a whole new level.

So fight on Cougars…for all of us! We’ll see you in Bowl Season.

Crack and AIDS Didn’t Work

…so now they’re trying to kill us off with Type 2 diabetes.

bg_ads Yes, food giant McDonald’s has taken on the plight of the person of color and is proving their commitment to the race with a huge web campaign. With rotating banner ads touting basketball, gospel music, Essence Magazine and food that has been “southern fried,” Ray Kroc’s legacy is apparently, keeping it real.

But since nothing will make a person of color hate themselves more than having this website dedicated to them, Oreo numbers should be up in no time. I will ready the coronation boots and see you in Vermont!

And don’t think they missed the chance to show us the truth and remind us what we are all striving for. Check out this list of work opportunities with the company. Notice that only the person sans color is capable of going “beyond management.” It’s moments like this that keep the goal in mind keep our hope alive.

And they love Asians, too! I’ll let you find where they teach users to say “Let’s go do some karaoke.”

Self Loathing for Humans and Non Humans Alike

district_nine If you haven’t seen District 9, please run to the theater and see it immediately! Not only is the acting phenominal, the script amazing, the effects work outstanding, the phone promo done by yours truly (call 1-866-666-6001 to hear OreoWriter keep humans safe!) but the movie presents a wonderful example of why being an Oreo is so important.

You might worry that a movie that is clearly in part a segregation and apartheid allegory would miss its opportunity to show us how important it is to despise that which we cannot help, but the powers that be did not let us down.

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD. IF YOU HAVE NOT SEEN THE MOVIE, DO NOT READ ON UNTIL DOING SO.

REALLY, NORMALLY, I’D SAY GO AHEAD AND SPOIL IT, BUT THIS MOVIE IS ALL KINDS OF AMAZING, SO COME BACK WHEN YOU’VE SEEN IT. WE’LL STILL BE HERE.

district-9-trailer

All right, here we go.

So. Do you know who the scariest people in the movie were? Not the aliens, they were clearly misunderstood. Not Multinational United, the cruel company who tortures innocents. Not Tanya’s father, the frighteningly cold businessman. And not the nameless mercinary who shot to kill on sight.

The scariest people were the blacks who lived in the District 9 ghetto with the aliens. These dark skinned folks lived in garbage, weilded machetes–much scarier than cool alien guns and more primitive than sleek human weapons, were dim enough to believe in specific sorts of witchcraft and were morally bankrupt enough to enforce further enslavement on their fellow subjugated.

Now, before you say that OreoWriter is reading too much into this set of facts, consider this:

When all the melanin-heavy were killed at once…the theater exploded into applause and laughter. What a relief!

I can only hope that they were not simply celebrating the fact that an enemy was squashed.That in their response was at least a hint of inherent discomfort with the victims. And I’ve got a good chance of being right, because when bombs went off at MNU, there was no laughter. When the nameless mercinary got ripped limb from limb, there was no applause. But when the black folks were destroyed en masse, there was so much hubbub that the audience almost missed reacting to the leader getting his head exploded.

I’m not saying that I need validation where ever I can get it. I am saying that it feels good to be reminded by a sold out theater that one’s hard work and shared fears are not in vain. For when this momentous scene happened, I cheered myself (Internally, of course. Making audible comments during a movie would ruin years of Oreo work) because there on screen was a perfect physical representation of what I am working so very hard to do.

So go see the movie. The acting is phenominal, the script is amazing, the effects work is outstanding, the phone promo’s done by yours truly (call 1-866-666-6001 to hear OreoWriter keep humans safe!) and there’s this hilarious and moving scene in Act III. You’re going to love it.