White Lie – (n) A minor, polite or harmless fib necessary to conceal a small lack of intimate knowledge of the preferred society. For example, an Oreo saying that s/he enjoyed the “performance” at Belcourt Castle instead of regaling listeners with details of the Dracula Ballet.
Being an Oreo isn’t just fun and easier on the ego, it is also amazingly practical.
For example: Tonight, I went to another staple of non ethnic entertainment: improv comedy.
I handed my giant, red and laminated ticket to the nice ComedySportz doorman and then realized that I 
forgot my Moleskine Notebook in my car. I asked if I had time to run back and get it. The doorman said that I did and then added:
“Don’t worry about needing your ticket to get back in, I’ll remember your face.”
“Yes, you will,” I said, vocalizing my wager that I was the only black person in the audience.
He blushed a bit as people often do when I point out this bit of obviousness. But how great is it that I stood out so. Otherwise, I’d be just another blonde or ruddy headed woman with a purse and he’d have to go through all kinds of mental notes to remember exactly which was I was. Or if there was another black person in the audience, surely he’d be confused if say that person stepped out to go to the bathroom while I went to my car. How would he tell us apart? But because I was the only one of me, I was granted free and easy passage to and from, however often I desired.
I left him with a smile and went to my car to retrieve my journaling tool.
When I returned, he was all smiles. “You were right!” he said and seemed surprised.
I was not.
You do not get to be an Oreo of this standing without knowing what kind of door your about to darken…and that you’re going to be the darkest thing on the other side of that door.
…Except for that sketch about the sociopathic sea urchin. That was was a pretty dark round of “Forward and Reverse.”
As we have discussed, it is important to be the only person of color in the room at any given time or event. Having more than one of us around can lead to all sorts of miscommunication, embarrassing run-ins and tempt either of you to discuss common race-related issues that might trigger a long latent desire to read some Nikki Giovanni.
But sometimes a room is crowded, dark or split-level. So how do you both determine if there are any of colors in the vicinity and relax enough to proudly show off the pictures from Inverness on your iPhone?
Instead of prowling from corner to corner paper bag testing everyone you come into contact with, just look for a few key things to see if you are safe.
and includes a random cameo like Baby Got Back. Then a dance circle forms around you. Don’t panic, after they see your first perfectly precise box step, they’ll get the idea.If these elements are in place, enjoy your party! And be sure to try the tapenade.
Blacklist – 1) noun – a list of former Oreos who have lost their standing in the Oreo community and are to be punished, boycotted and left of the Regatta invitation list. 2) verb – the act of putting an Oreo on a blacklist.
Thanks to Anna for sending this article today. Posted on http://contexts.org/socimages/, the article describes how First Lady Michelle Obama’s dress was described by an Associated Press reporter.
The Associated Press, a news service subscribed to by news outlets all over the world,distributed a story about the first Obama Administration State Dinner. In the story, sent in by Elisabeth R., Samantha Critchell describes Michelle Obama’s dress as “flesh-colored.”
[Thanks to Madeline T., Anne Marie, Therese S., and Drugmnky for the screencap!]
Gee, what could possibly be wrong with calling this dress “flesh-colored”?
This is what happens when white people are considered people and black people are considered a special kind of people, black people. “Flesh-colored” becomes the skin color associated with whites and darker-skinned peoples are left out of the picture altogether. We see this all the time. Bandaids, for example, are typically light beige (though they rarely call them “flesh-colored” anymore), as are things like ace bandages.
Obviously, I was saddened by this coverage. Understanding that what covers my bones is not “flesh” exactly, is…well, it’s why I fly the Oreo flag. It’s why I sing Jewel at karaoke. It’s why I’m gaining the proper certification to breed Devon Rex cats.
It’s also why I’m pushing for a “burden-colored” crayon, band-aid or fabric swatch. There really should be something in the rainbow for all of us.
Minoritease – noun – a) any act committed by a person of color feigning interest in the Oreo lifestyle. For example, Sean Combs hosting a “white party.” b) Any act committed by an Oreo with the intent to gain safe passage or other favor with members of the of color community.
It’s that time of year when despite your best efforts you may be forced to spend time with other of colors. This will likely happen at family gatherings, holiday charity donation drives or company events where the main office invites the warehouse and janitorial staff to attend.
A check of the guest list might encourage you to skip the peppermint-tinis and almond hummus bruschetta to avoid potentially dangerous run-ins. But keep these few rules in mind and you can schmooze safely.
1. Avoid Eye Contact. As you enter the room, perform a quick perimeter scan. At this point, do not lock eyes with anyone, simply discover and memorize the locations of your anti-targets. Keep them in your peripheral vision throughout the night, but only there. Even a slight look in the eyes of an of color may strike in the Oreo an uncomfortable familiarity. In that moment, you may see the parts of yourself that you have thankfully pushed aside to reach for a higher goal. And you don’t need anything that might lure you back to the dark side.
2. Remember: Their Vision is Based on Movement. There will be music at this party. For the most part, these songs will be timeless holiday classics like O Holy Night and White Christmas. However, the appearance of melanin will likely encourage the DJ to play something ethnic. You may be finishing the final 1-2-3 steps to Adeste Fidelis when Empire State of Mind begins hurting your ears.
Halt your box step immediately. If the others see you moving as this anthemic “tribute” to New York begins, they may get the wrong idea and assume that you’re going to join them popping and locking on the dancefloor.
Remember, just because “orchestrapop” contains the word “orchestra,” that does not mean that it is Oreo approved music.
3. Sound the Oreo Distress Call. You may do everything right on your mixed crowd evening and still have something go wrong. Whether it’s something as simple as getting stuck in the crepe line next to that guy from shipping and receiving or an of color taking it one step further and asking for the time, the location of the restroom or your number, you must remove yourself from this situation ASAP before your coworkers, that one white family member or the leaders of the friendly non-profit organization think you are nothing more than an RBP.
Chin up, Ziggy. It's not personal.
It’s time to sound the distress call. The distress call is simply a line of spoken dialogue that will draw fairer skinned people your conversation and push anyone else to a different gift exchange. Use one of the following if you need to escape quickly:
Happy Holidays. Be safe, be smart, be assimilated. It’s a gift we all deserve.
Lightening Storm – Any sudden flurry of activities that pushes the Oreo closer to their personal anglo-tastic goals. For example, a breakfast frittata followed by sailing lessons, shopping at REI, and watching Nova before attending a Mannheim Steamroller concert.
After celebrating a day that commemorates a time when people first learned just how much of their culture could be wiped away, The Oreo Experience is taking part in another important American tradition and starting Christmas shopping.
Before buying for family and friends, I must reach out to non Oreo acquaintances with a very special gift that will ease them into their transition by honoring our president and also reminding them how the pain of a hair relaxer pales in comparison to the embarrassment of untreated hair.
By New Years, I trust that their patriotism will be in in place, as will their self loathing.
TPSD – Acronym that stands for “Tyler Perry Stress Disorder” and describes the condition that occurs when an Oreo is exposed to certain ethnic programming. Like PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder), TPSD can cause sleeplessness, depression and an inability to experience positive feelings such as love or happiness.
The Oreo Experience 