paper bag test

Black Friend Application

Black Friend Finder

A pal was glancing at my facebook photos and said, “wow, you really don’t have any black friends, do you?”

I got the feeling that he doubted the verisimilitude of my blog presence.

He was soundly corrected, but he did get me thinking. Maybe it is time I added another of color friend to join me around the wassail bowl this winter.

I was convinced this was the case this weekend when I shot a little short film that had a fairly large call for blacktors. It was actually kind of nice to reminisce about exactly which season of The Cosby Show had that weird-ass Calypso opening.

So, I need a new black friend. And thankfully, there’s an app for that.

An application that is.

Please pass this along to anyone you think might qualify. Or, if you’re of color, fill it out yourself. The winning friend and I will share Quiche recipes, swap Boxing Day memories and carpool to this year’s Dicken’s fair.

Bonus points goes to the referer of my new friend. If you refer a friend to me and s/he becomes the chosen one, you will receive a personalized anglo-tastic mix CD courtesy of yours truly!

The application is at the link below. Please email answers to

Good luck!

The link for the Black Friend Application is here for easy downloading and printing, or you can see the questions here:


The Oreo Experience Black Friend Application



Gate Code:

 Multiple Choice


1. Jack and Jill is

a)       a nursery rhyme
b)       an unfortunate name for twins
c)       potentially helpful, but should only be approached indirectly

 2)    It’s Sunday afternoon. Are you most likely to be:

a)       sipping cocktails at the yacht club
b)       standing on line for a J. Crew fire sale
c)       suiting up for an AKC training event
d)       slathering on the sunscreen—just in case

3)   Sex : Use Protection as Cornrows :

a)       Smile
b)       Dance
c)       Weep softly into your pillow

Short Answer

1. At what age and under what circumstances did you get your first relaxer?

 1A. Did that relaxer hurt: (circle one)

So good
Hurt? I’m not tender-headed!

 2. Which HBCU makes you the most uncomfortable and why? (Bonus point will be award to your score if you do not know what HBCU stands for)

3. If your life had a soundtrack, which Broadway opening number would be yours and why?

4) Which character do you most relate to and why>

a)       Ashley
b)       India
c)       Rhett
d)       Scarlett

5) Have you ever cheated on the paper bag test? (If so, please describe method of cheating and any provide any tips).

6) And seriously, can you explain this?

Are You Alone?

Always Control Your Perimeter


As we have discussed, it is important to be the only person of color in the room at any given time or event. Having more than one of us around can lead to all sorts of miscommunication, embarrassing run-ins and tempt either of you to discuss common race-related issues that might trigger a long latent desire to read some Nikki Giovanni.                                                                             

But sometimes a room is crowded, dark or split-level. So how do you both determine if there are any of colors in the vicinity and relax enough to proudly show off the pictures from Inverness on your iPhone?

Instead of prowling from corner to corner paper bag testing everyone you come into contact with, just look for a few key things to see if you are safe.  

  • 1. People never seem to quite finish the sentences: “So…you’re here with…..” or “You must be here to see…….” or “You must know Carol from……..”
  • 2. You are at the Viper Room.
  • 3. The DJ suddenly changes the music from relatively ambient Slowdive and Neutral Milk Machine and includes a random cameo like Baby Got Back. Then a dance circle forms around you. Don’t panic, after they see your first perfectly precise box step, they’ll get the idea.
  • 4. People ask you oddly practical questions out of the blue like “Excuse me, do you know where the bathroom is?” “What time does are you closing tonight?” and “Can I give you my coat?”
  • 5. You cannot quite find the words to describe your complete and utter sense of relaxation. 

If these elements are in place, enjoy your party! And be sure to try the tapenade.