By now, you may be thinking that your friends, business associate or tennis partners may be Oreos. But be careful, just because a person of color says something telling like: “Hey, there’s my Young Repbulican’s pin!” doesn’t mean that that person is a real Oreo. Anyone can fake it for a minute. (And if any of you dated my ex-boyfriend Trevor, you know all about faking it…for just a minute.)
So, before determining if that Redwing season ticket holder in the box next to you is in fact a true Oreo, it’s helpful to check to see if they have any of these items in their possession.
Dutch Language Books and Tour Guides
That’s right. The country who brought the world the Swarte Pieten is the country’s whose language I’ve chosen to study.
Pictures Taken While Skiing
All I needed was one other black person on the slopes to make me feel like I had denied my Oreo heritage and was actually engaging in something “my people’ did with regularity. Luckily, that did not happen and I enjoyed my hot vanilla while basking in the sun reflecting off the skin of the other skiers.
Franklin Covey Organizers
Nothing says corporate American, rigid and overcompensation like The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.
An iTunes Full of Showtunes
As discussed earlier, this is a necessity. Why? Because the musical is a distinctly American art form. And because of that, it has wonderful undertones that keep your average African American consumer from consuming too many of them. Remember, this is a medium that hailed Al Jolson as a treasure…a performer who “didn’t feel like himself” unless he was in blackface.
Just in case my wildest dreams come true.
Coming from an upper class family, my mom is totally not an Oreo and it’s sooo embarrassing!!! She speaks fluent French, Spanish, Japanese, and German. She goes skiing every winter. She has an office with 900 multillion organizers and binders. Showtunes and Opera on her Itunes! For the love of God, she has 500+ showtunes and opera songs on her computer! Our family owns 4 homes in Washington, Louisiana, and Virginia. As well as farmland and horses!!! And she applies sunscreen everyday, wears her hair straight and we live in Washington and only hang out with white people. But yet she still has an ethnic accent, speaks ebonics and slang, has a country accent, and eats ethnic “soul food” ! Oh my God Aydrea, I am so ashamed!!! You need an Oreo intervention program! That would help her so much to assimilate! She is totally lost!!