Teasing from Teasers

Happy he's not an RBP

Playing with a new title, because that’s exactly what teasers do…Fun little pokes in the ribs to remind you of fantasy and fun. Teasers definitely tease the Oreo by showing them exactly what they’re working toward and what — with enough wassail-laced hoilday caroling parties and overtimes at hockey games — might be theirs!

Let’s take a look at what’s opening this weekend and see what we learn about how much more fun it is to not be an RBP (click here for definition).

The Chronicles of Narnia  – Voyage of the Dawen Treader: The wardrobe kids are at it again

  • Stuff White People Seem Do In This Movie – join the military, reprimand their brothers, fell out of place in the real world, nearly drown in a painting, sail beautiful ships, look like Keanu Reeves, be evil, be good, dream of what could be. 
  • Stuff Black People Seem Do In This Movie – Do not appear. And I guess that makes sense. There probably weren’t a ton of people in that era of that part of England. You know, the era where paintings came to life and kids were besties with lions.

The Tourist – Europe is Sexy and Dangerous and Sexy!

  • Stuff White People Seem To Do In This Movie – have sexy affairs, wear sexy dresses, wear sexy suits, have sexy accents, drive sexy boats, flutter their sexy bedroom eyes, get caught up in sexy adventures of mistaken identity.
  • Stuff Black People Seem To Do In This Movie –

I guess it’s to be somewhat expected. I mean, people tend to make movies about themselves, starring themselves. The Tourist director, Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck is German, so it makes sense that he’d make a movie about vaguely British people played by Americans with affected accents.

The Fighter – Marky Mark and Christian Bale – effing tough and effing hot.

  • Stuff White People Seem To Do In This Movie – joke around with their siblings, box, train hard, have daughters, have difficult families, have dreams, train boxers, work in bars, insult women, defend women, lose the fight, lose hope, make sports deals, turn their backs on their families, go to jail, reconcile with their families, triumph.
  • Stuff Black People Seem To Do In This Movie – pose an intimidating threat, beat the shit out of the hero, get beaten by the hero, work in jail.

The Tempest – Oh, Julie Taymor with your eccentricities

  • Stuff White People Seem To Do In This Movie – conjure storms and fire, sail ships, be spirits, fall in love, perform Christopher Marlowe’s Shakespeare’s comedy, take revenge, make potions, turn into birds, dress in drag, enjoy a little homoeroticism, dance like nobody’s watching.
  • Stuff Black People Seem To Do In This Movie – I’m not sure exactly, but he seems to be giving advice or having a mud bath go terribly wrong.

Hmmm, maybe I should add “actor” to the list of jobs that it’s cool for an Oreo to have.

Seeing anything this weekend? What’ll it be?

Also, not to be a bad Oreo, but the last time I read Shakespeare, it kind of made my head explode. I remember it being so easy in high school. What happened? (Though I make up for it a bit in this video.) When I go back and check out The Scarlet Letter, will I be equally as surprised at how not-easy it is to skim through?


  1. Would you be offended that in “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon” there are no black people in the movie? Or same with “The Joy Luck Club”? Or Same with “Slumdog Millionaire”? Or “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”? Or how come there are no Hawaiian ballet dancers in Black Swan? Or Samoan ballet dancers?
    In fact, in the movies you name, you neglect to note that there are no Samoan people, Indian people, Asian people, Cuban people, or Jewish people in these movies. Why do you need to point out that there are just no black people? Are you elevating black persons above other races in noting their absence in these movies? Are black persons the only race against which racial discrimination exists in America?
    In fact, why do characters in these movies you name need to be defined in your opinion merely based upon their ethnicity or merely upon the two colors (black and white)? Why not delve deeper into the character beyond their skin color? Their ethnicity may definitely play a role in how their character is portrayed in a story, but that is not racism, it is humanity. We are all comprised of our ethnic heritage whether or not we choose to embrace it or reject it.
    In the end, you see what you want to see. You want to see the world as opposing blacks and elevating whites? That’s what you will see.
    You are also doing the same thing, by making racial judgments against these movie teasers, that you say is committed against you as a black person. You are judging a movie by its cover (or skin) rather than by the whole content.
    Now, I understand that this is merely your opinion and freedom of speech is a wonderful thing. But it is definitely one of the stupidest opinions I have ever read. Racial discrimination definitely exists in this world and I have been a recipient of it myself – but this is not a very intelligent way nor humorous way to rebel against it. It’s actually very puerile and elementary and incorrect.

    1. I’m not elevating black ppl at all! In fact by pointing out what I do, I’m reminding myself how bummed out I am to be of color. Would totes rather be one of the white ppl on screen. They look like they’re having so much more fun!

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