Gabby Douglas: Pros and Cons

America’s new darling is presenting a very particular problem for Oreos.

How and if to support gymnast Gabby Douglas’s gold medal performances puts a self loathing of color in a tricky territory. It was the same conundrum faced in the 2008 election. On one hand, Barack Obama is the opposite of terrible fuckupedness. On the other hand…of COURSE you’re voting for the black guy. Typical. How do you be an Oreo when the dark horse isn’t the one that makes everyone uncomfortable, but seems to be the one that makes sense?

If you’re not sure if it’s in the Oreo code to join the GD bandwagon, that’s okay because frankly, neither are we. Check out these pros and cons and let us know what you decide.

PRO: By being up on current events and showing support for the little dynamo everyone loves, you’ll fit in at the office, yacht club or Ann Taylor Loft fire sale with ease

CON: Really? Out of allllll the athletes of COURSE you like the black one.

PRO: Gymnastics is a pretty anglotastic discipline to say you’re a fan of.

CON: True…but you can get paler. Dressage. Archery. Biathlon. Speed walking. You’re barely trying with this gymnastics BS.

PRO: By recognizing the historic significance of Gabby’s all-around gold medal, we might get one step closer to addressing the systematic issues that keep more young women like her from reaching their true potential.

CON: Look, there can only be so many Oreos. If we suddenly start making it okay for scores of black girls to garner national attention for something other than who their baby daddy be, then how are you going to stand out at the estate auction?

PRO: By helping spread the word about young Ms. Douglas, you may be helping a nation continue to heal from deep-seated historic wounds.

CON: Healing, schmealing! It’s the scars on the inside that really build–holy God, did you see that layout??! That was like poetry in motion. Literal poetry. I think sonnets came out of her leotard.

PRO: It’s a great chance in this charged political climate to come together as a nation in joyous support of someone who truly achieved the American Dream.

CON: Yeah, but c’mon! They’re Olympians for cryin’ out loud! All the athletes are awesome! Can’t you pick a white one? Gabby’s not the only one who–OHMYGOD! That was amazing! She’s like a gazelle and a wood nymph rolled into one unearthly being!!

PRO: She’s amazing.

CON: She’s amazing.

And she knows it. Clap your hands.

So choose wisely. Make the wrong decision and your face will melt off with embarrassment as people think you’re just another RBP. Make the right decision and you can keep the President of the Equestrian Society on your Christmas party invite list.


Are you watching the Olympics? How’s that going for you? Have you ever been to the Olympics? As a spectator or participant. If it’s the latter, what are you doing reading this blog? And are you available for endorsements? I’ll totes pay you to temporary tattoo this domain on your face. What’s the problem? It’s just a temporary tatt. It’ll come off in like a week.

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Leave a comment here or at any of the above and let us know what you think!


  1. As always the downfall of Oreoism is watching non-oreos get so much further is life πŸ™‚

    Uncle Tomery has never gotten anyone anywhere, at best it will get you a place right under a successful racist white person, but no one else will have anything to do with you.

    Stepping out and being the best no matter what your color happens to be is the only way to get the Gold for yourself…

    I am sure there have been many oreos in the past that wanted to be the bestfriends of successful people. But Gabby was able to meet them as equals and surpass a few with her talent.

    So congrats Gabby and also congrats Serena Williams,,, they don’t let being black stop them from being awesome, so I wont let it stop me from clapping for them just as hard as I clap for all the other winners…

    and BTW, I am tired of people saying Serena doing a C-Walk was an inappropriate way to celebrate… When you win a gold medal you celebrate however the heck you want… Dimz Da Rulez…

  2. Gee, if there are so many pros and cons to Gabby, can’t wait to here the Oreo response to Serena’s beat down of Sharapova then doing the C-walk to celebrate. Wait, does an Oreo know what the C-walk is???? πŸ˜‰

  3. It’s a black girl doing something productive in her life. For once, the media decides to show that there is such a thing as a black female who isn’t obnoxious, overweight, loud, promiscuous, and lacking in class economically and socially. She’s a beautiful girl with a nice deep hue, is physically fit, and even with that internet wretchedness regarding the hair that grows out if her own head (not exported from the far east from some factory or via someone else’s sebum), she didn’t act like she was starring in a stereotypical UPN sitcom, or worse, 1 of those crappy reality shows that feature kids her age acting in ways that make you hope the world will end.

    Instead of making it about “oreos” and “rbp,” let’s be happy that for once, the media can depict something outside of the shitty script with which society wants to brainwash.

    P.S. #Team Flying Squirrel. Go, United States!

  4. Wow, getting old I was like a gymnastic fan when it was just Dominque Dawes or like when Ice Skating was like Michelle Kwan (yes, I heard tons of Americans wish that some American would beat Michelle one day.). I figure it wasn’t enough I should go all synchro swimming so I’m in no danger there. I think the next sport is going to be extreme sports and I’m all about the cliff diving.

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