What’s up, My Wenches!

Gramercy for stopping by m’lord and m’ladies! It is with great delight and pleasure that I announce my recent arrival at ye olde Renaissance and Pleasure Faire. Huzzah!

This horse wishes he belonged to a better union.

Okay, my spell and grammar check is going crazy, so back to contemporary English.

I was so excited this weekend to have gone to the So Cal Renaissance and Pleasure Faire. Even more excited to have gone with a Ren Fest n00b so I got to see it for the first time all over again.

I remember my first Ren Fest. Mom and Dad took me to the big one in Texas when I was maybe 11. I think I could hear my mom’s heart scream out “Noooo! You were supposed to be an engineer!!” as my eyes got wide with the realization that I had found my people and finally come home. (Cut to years later, when I took this photo. Mom was still crying.)

I also realized that as I was traipsing around with my RF cohort, all the things that I took for granted about ye olde Faires that he was experiencing for the first time. So here’s a little primer for enjoying the faire and getting your wench on (before you get her off!)

1. Just go ahead and look at the boobs. Tight bodices, corsets and low slung chemises, oh my! It is 98% likely that the first thing that you’ll see when you look up from your program are a pair of boobs. Like way more boobs that you’re used to. Don’t be alarmed. Go ahead. Look at ‘em. Chances are that sassy lass has her coin purse, a show schedule, her cell phone or self-esteem stuck in there. So enjoy it. No touching, though!

2. Don’t worry about facts. Yes, the period of history known as The Renaissance technically happened between the 1300s and the 1600s. But that doesn’t mean that you won’t see costumes from The Crusades, The Classical Period, Star Trek or Jack Sparrow. Ren Faires are in part an excuse to just enjoy dressing up. So greet your Bridge Captain with a tip of your feathered cap and make way for The Queen.

Sure, that's close enough.

3. You will get picked and probably kissed. Don’t fight back. Struggling only makes it harder. Apart from the jousts where they use actual horses and swords, the shows at Ren Faires are notoriously interactive. Generally between 1 and 5 “volunteers” will be chosen for any given show. If you’re chosen, this is not the time to be coy. The audiences like to see you be silly and since Ren Faires are a bastion for good natured debauchery, you’ll probably get felt up a little.

If you play your cards right, you'll get picked and kissed by my friends The Magnificent Humble Boys! If you're in So Cal, they're at the Faire. Go see them!

4. Food! Eat the turkey legs, drink the mead, smell the incense! It’s not just sexual gluttony that’s celebrated at these things. There is tons. And tons. Of food. Eat it. Don’t hold back. It’s good. And it’s on a stick!

5. If you’re of color, for the love of God, wear sunscreen! You’ll be outdoors. The sun will be out. Your shoulders will be exposed. You’re doing so well by being at a Ren Fest in the first place, don’t muck it up by getting all dark. Like I’ve said when summer comes, Always Use Protection.

What are your best Ren Fest tips or memories? Let us know and share your pictures in the comments below or at @oreoexperience on Twitter!

Advertisements

12 comments

  1. I never was a huge fan of those Ren Faires, but I do like the idea of people dressing up and eating food on a stick… I also like the Doctor Who, Star Trek time travel aspect to it… oh and the clevage is fun too

    Just saw the video of you with the sun block and as always with you, I have mixed feelings… you in a bikini is always a plus, but it was kinda difficult to watch you spray yourself in the face… It reminded me of how an Oreo is never really happy and goes through quite a bit of mental and physical pain. I think we too often focus on the fact that oreos are insluting and offensive, while forgeting that they themselves are victims that suffer everyday in a prison made of their own skin…

    But after reading your post all these years it is only more tradgic because even if you did wake up “white” tomorrow, you still would be a dork 🙂

    which is why I still wonder why you went the oreo route, when the “black geek club” is so much more welcoming and excepted in society… you let me know when you want to get out from under that oreo stuff and want to join me, LaVar Burton, Sam Jackson, Zoe Saldana, President Obama and all the Black Geeks living proud and dorky 🙂

    ps. I have noticed that my responses to your post are usually longer than the post itself… I will work on being brief in the future… 🙂

  2. You’re acting like a Asian with the tanning lol.

    Ah nothing wrong with being a coconut. I’ve started to see that I am one. Favoring European stuff over African lol (Born and raised in Africa).

    God I got to hit the next fair. Since I live in Europe it’s held at an actual castle 🙂

  3. Nkosazana I love how you said that…I’m in Europe so we kinda take castles for granted around here. lol. 🙂
    I have only been to a Ren Faire once in my life, when I was like 12, but in my mind Ren Faires have always been one of the things I love most in life. The costume part is so very appealing to me (and I suspect that stems from my childhood, when my overly religious father never let me celebrate Halloween and the closest I ever got was showing up at school one day dressed as the virgin Mary). All the merrymaking, jousting, music, women getting ribbons and flowers braided into their hair. I just love it.
    I suspect the boobs and good-natured groping have something to do with my parents never taking us back again, but now that I’m an adult I think it’s time that I venture out once more. 🙂 I just saw on the website that it ends on May 22nd, so I have something to do next weekend!

  4. Huzzah!
    I’m not much into the RPF but I had exes who loved to go so we went.
    Turkey legs were good, boobs-a-plenty and I ended up having fun every time.

  5. Heh.

    I go to the Ren Faire every year with friends and fam. I take my brat every year, and she LOVES it!
    In fact, going again this weekend. Huzzah!

  6. Haha, it’s been FARRR too long since my last comment!

    I’m shocked to hear you were taken to Scarborough Faire down here in Texas, I loved it when I went. Noobler, throwing shurikens, tasty chicken tenders and B-E-A-utiful corsets.

    Granted, it was a disaster socially, seeing as I was the third wheel with my overbearing ex-best friend and her then-boyfriend, but it was quite an enjoyable time. 😀

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s