renaissance faire

What’s up, My Wenches!

Gramercy for stopping by m’lord and m’ladies! It is with great delight and pleasure that I announce my recent arrival at ye olde Renaissance and Pleasure Faire. Huzzah!

This horse wishes he belonged to a better union.

Okay, my spell and grammar check is going crazy, so back to contemporary English.

I was so excited this weekend to have gone to the So Cal Renaissance and Pleasure Faire. Even more excited to have gone with a Ren Fest n00b so I got to see it for the first time all over again.

I remember my first Ren Fest. Mom and Dad took me to the big one in Texas when I was maybe 11. I think I could hear my mom’s heart scream out “Noooo! You were supposed to be an engineer!!” as my eyes got wide with the realization that I had found my people and finally come home. (Cut to years later, when I took this photo. Mom was still crying.)

I also realized that as I was traipsing around with my RF cohort, all the things that I took for granted about ye olde Faires that he was experiencing for the first time. So here’s a little primer for enjoying the faire and getting your wench on (before you get her off!)

1. Just go ahead and look at the boobs. Tight bodices, corsets and low slung chemises, oh my! It is 98% likely that the first thing that you’ll see when you look up from your program are a pair of boobs. Like way more boobs that you’re used to. Don’t be alarmed. Go ahead. Look at ‘em. Chances are that sassy lass has her coin purse, a show schedule, her cell phone or self-esteem stuck in there. So enjoy it. No touching, though!

2. Don’t worry about facts. Yes, the period of history known as The Renaissance technically happened between the 1300s and the 1600s. But that doesn’t mean that you won’t see costumes from The Crusades, The Classical Period, Star Trek or Jack Sparrow. Ren Faires are in part an excuse to just enjoy dressing up. So greet your Bridge Captain with a tip of your feathered cap and make way for The Queen.

Sure, that's close enough.

3. You will get picked and probably kissed. Don’t fight back. Struggling only makes it harder. Apart from the jousts where they use actual horses and swords, the shows at Ren Faires are notoriously interactive. Generally between 1 and 5 “volunteers” will be chosen for any given show. If you’re chosen, this is not the time to be coy. The audiences like to see you be silly and since Ren Faires are a bastion for good natured debauchery, you’ll probably get felt up a little.

If you play your cards right, you'll get picked and kissed by my friends The Magnificent Humble Boys! If you're in So Cal, they're at the Faire. Go see them!

4. Food! Eat the turkey legs, drink the mead, smell the incense! It’s not just sexual gluttony that’s celebrated at these things. There is tons. And tons. Of food. Eat it. Don’t hold back. It’s good. And it’s on a stick!

5. If you’re of color, for the love of God, wear sunscreen! You’ll be outdoors. The sun will be out. Your shoulders will be exposed. You’re doing so well by being at a Ren Fest in the first place, don’t muck it up by getting all dark. Like I’ve said when summer comes, Always Use Protection.

What are your best Ren Fest tips or memories? Let us know and share your pictures in the comments below or at @oreoexperience on Twitter!