Hipster Jeans Can Save Your Life

RBP - as seen in NYC

Guys: More evidence that being an Oreo is not only socially expedient, but healthy as well!

You know how RBP guys like to wear their jeans all baggy and low? Well, doing that can kill!

Clyde Haberman wrote about the lack of safety in saggy slacks in his New York Times column. Haberman says:

Hector Quinones didn’t amount to much in life, but he managed in death to make a powerful fashion statement. The statement boiled down to this: Don’t be a jerk like me.

Not nearly enough people seem to be taking his lesson to heart.

Back in December, Mr. Quinones killed three men in an apartment on the Upper West Side, a bloodbath described by the police as drug-related. Mr. Quinones was intent on shooting more people, they said, only he was forced to flee. He ran to the fire escape. But the low-slung pants he was wearing fell down, the police said. He tripped over them, took a tumble and landed with a thud in the building’s backyard.

There you had it: death by trousers.

So gents, head on over to your neighborhood Urban Outfitters or Hot Topic and pick up a pair toute de suite! Don’t worry about that numb/tingling feeling in your nether regions when you shoehorn yourself in to the right pair. That just means they’re working!

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7 comments

  1. OHMYGOODNESS, YES.
    If not for the protection of life and limb,
    more guys should wear skinny jeans because they’re freakin’ HOT.

    Smoldering guys in skinny jeans are most definitely my Achilles’ heel. Another badge of oreo-ness, perhaps?

  2. While I admit to not understanding the appeal of wearing one’s pants around one’s thighs, I’m pretty sure that there are a few little problems with the ‘reasoning’ in the quote. And the billboard is just fuckwitted.

  3. What you unhip people don’t realize (but I do, because I teach highschoolers) is that they are now sagging SKINNY jeans, too! So now I get to not only see my male students’ entire ass and crotch areas on a daily basis, I also get to watch them hobble around like wind-up ducks. People are just determined to sag and that’s it.

  4. I saw this sign just the other day and had no idea the seriousness of this pants problem. Nightly my co-workers point out and get angry with the bevy of young men walking around the streets of Bklyn with their pants at their knees, especially the ones who have chosen to sag a skinny jean. But I just enjoy watching people’s pants defy the laws of physics and watching them fall down when they don’t.

  5. I’ve never understood why anyone would wear their pants like this. You spend most of the day pulling them up so they don’t fall down. Also, you end up walking like a penquin. And as the blog above proves, this fashon choice is not conducive to being a criminal.

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