I’m pretty sure that the first time my parents took me to a Renaissance Festival, they thought I would, like other (read: normal tweens) would find it to be a ridiculous exercise, and demand that we go do something that other (read: capable of being popular) tweens would like to do like…anything else.
They were wrong.
So so wrong.
What happened instead was that I immediately fell in love and vowed never to leave my corsetted haven again. I had come home and ‘twould be an impossible task to render me from the hearth that had been kept from me so long. And by “impossible…to render” I mean that 12 hours later my folks were super annoyed and it was bloody well time to go.
Every year I think to myself (read: speak aloud to myself much to the chagrin of other [read: normal] people sitting in my office around me): “Okay, we’re gonna go to Renn Fest this year…but the magic’s probably gonna be gone. It might be kinda boring. I’m sure it won’t be as fun as OHMYGODWEGETTOGOTORENNFEST!!!”
Every year I go back to Renn Fest and fall in love all over again.
I have changed…somewhat. Here’s saucy college Oreo Experience and my period-tastic blanchetourage:
What happens in the Queen’s Court stays in the Queen’s Court.
And here’s 2012 Oreo Experience. Still dorky, more understated.
Girls just wanna have fun…and personalized garlands sold to us by a man wearing pointy felt shoes.
And so it was that I spent a lovely day eating huge pieces of meat, lusting after perfectly boned bodices and watching men ram each other with their long poles.
That’s exactly what jousting is. Men. Ramming. Poles
(source)
And I realized that while I loved Renn Fests as much as I did the first time, not everything from childhood holds up so well. Here are some things I loved loved loved as a kids and had very different reactions to later:
RENT (Life is hard for artists)
What I thought when I first saw it: Yes, yes yes!!! Art is important, AIDS is terrible, homophobia is bullshit!!! We all need to WAKE UP and stop letting THE MAN dictate how we’re supposed to live our lives!!
What I thought when I saw it as an adult: Yes, art is important, AIDS is terrible, homophobia is bullshit. Buuuuuut, how hard is it to just get a part-time job, you know. I know it’s not “ideal” but neither is meatloaf. Doesn’t mean we don’t eat it sometimes….Though I’d still pay $1,500 to sing a duet–any duet–with Adam Pascal. (Seriously, I would pay that. Does anyone know him? Have him email me! Not bad for like a hour of his time, yeah?).
Hell, I’ll even claim my blackness and do Aida if it means I get to do… that.
(source)
Willow (I loved them both, the bushel and the peck)
What I thought when I first saw it: I don’t know what sex is yet, but when I do know what it is, I will want to have it with Madmartigan.
Elora Danan’s real baby daddy?
What I thought when I saw it as an adult: Good on you, Warwick Davis! Way to keep your career going, that’s actually really impressive. Am I racist for wondering if he and Peter Dinklage know each other?
The Neverending Story (Open book, insert boy)
What I thought when I first saw it: Yes, yes yes!!! I want to dedicate my life to reading books in the attic so that I can have awesome adventures. Those eyeball lasers are the scariest! I am in love with Valcor.
What I thought when I saw it as an adult: “You’re letting the sadness of the swamp get to you??!” Who wrote this shit? Also, what the fuck are they standing on if “this is all that’s left of the world”?? How are they breathing? If “that” is all that’s left, then there’s no air, princess. And how exactly does shouting an unintelligible name save anything? Dammit, did we go through this whole bottle??
Crying because she doesn’t know how physics work.
(source)
The Secret of NIMH_(Really tough real estate market for rats)
What I thought when I first saw it: This movie is nothing but beautiful. Also, I’m don’t know what sex is yet, but when I do know what it is, I will want to have it with Justin.
You can call me Ms. Brisby if you’re nasty.
(source)
What I thought when I saw it as an adult: *sobbing* Her poor son..that poor woman. She’s… Her husband never… Their house is just… They come from a lab… *sniffling* Why did I have so many crushes on animals as a kid??
Who Am I Now? (Horrible video my parents thought would explain some of life’s tougher questions)
What I thought when I first saw it: …the fu–??!? Okay, I’m just gonna watch it one more time. Maybe it’ll make sense then.
What I thought when I saw it as an adult: …the fu–??! Ha!! If only I had made this a drinking game back then!!
And if you’re wondering if The Core holds up.. Yes. It does.
What did you watch as a kid that doesn’t make sense now? What stands the test of time? Let us know in the comments!
The Oreo Experience 