WTF New Zealand?

Did all the RBP take up second homes in Wellington? Because I’m not sure how else to explain the news release making the rounds today.

New Zealand released an updated list of names that parents may not name their babies. Including, but not limited to the name “Justice.” Don’t even try that shiz, “Justice” has been rejected seven times. I didn’t realize that the N Zed was a place that needed this kind of policing.

All those beautiful views really make you think...about some dumb, dumb things to call your offspring. (source)

All those beautiful views really make you think…about some dumb, dumb things to call your offspring.

There are 77 monikers on the no-no names list and from the looks of it, you’d think they were talking to people in Southern LA, not the Southern Hemisphere.

Royal titles — such as ”Duke,” “Majesty,” and even the term “Royal” — were also high up on the list. Roman numerals, such as “III,” are also taboo. One baby was almost called “89.” Eight parents wanted to insert backslashes into their children’s first names, while four wanted to put brackets around their middle names. Not to mention the government has already rejected “Lucifer” at least six times.

Thank you New Zealand, for putting a stop to this because I only have time to pick one group of people to try not to be like. When other people start acting all brown up in here, it gets very confusing. You guys adorable names like Willem and Nigel and The Whale Rider. Let’s leave the nutty naming conventions to those who do it the worst.
Yes, I'm talking about black people right now, but I'm coming after you next, scientists.  You can't just call stuff what it is like "horrible demon spawn on a mission" you have to give them a fancy names like "arachnids." Snobs. (source)

Yes, I’m talking about black people right now, but I’m coming after you next, scientists.
You can’t just call stuff what it is like “horrible too-many-leggies monster on a mission” you have to give them a fancy names like “arachnids.” Snobs.

Some people say that parents should be able to name their kids whatever they way. Those people probably have kids named XSKLlsdklfoWLI and Jennifer. Also, there are some things that are names and some things that are dumb. That’s just the way it goes.
Others might argue that there are lots of words we use all the time that hard to spell or pronounce, but we don’t raise a fuss. Those people probably have no names because their parents hated them so much.
But okay, fine. I play along (mainly so I can win). Sure, let’s take a word like Courvoisier. That word is easy to say and pronounce and spell and enjoy. That is because it’s the name of an expensive thing that makes it easier to relax in the appropriate social situations. But when you rearrange those letters and spell something like Quevanzhane or Gabourey, my eyes explode and look at the mess you’ve made. (Thanks, STBB for that tip!) Obviously the former is acceptable and the latters are abominations (in name only, they’re fine actresses…so I’ve been told. A good Oreo would never watch one of their movies)
Also, as the fine folks at Jezebel pointed out, someone in New Zealand tried to name their kid “Anal.” I can promise you, that girl didn’t want that.
Highlights of the list include all names that imply rank, like “Duke,” “Queen” or “Princess,” “4Real,” “Lucifer,” “V8,” and straight up “Anal.” Maybe they meant to name their child after the sad, twirling dervish that is Lana Del Rey and spelled it backwards on accident? Or maybe it was a “Boy Named Sue” thing where they wanted their kid to develop a thick skin by naming them after butt hole. I want to give these people the benefit of the doubt.
UPDATE: NZ also managed to stand up for marriage equality this week. Their names may be wacky, but they clearly have some good sense left. And they sound adorable when explaining the whole thing.
What do you think? Should names matter so much? Should we be able to call ourselves whatever we want, or should their be a standard?
Do you like your own name? What would you call yourself if you could.
Let us know in the comments!
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  1. I think parents should not inflict names on their children that will incite abuse (like Anal would). But unique names are not necessarily bad. Quevanzhane is a beautiful name with a beautiful origin. But I think it should be easier to change your name too. So that if your parents have gifted you with a name that doesn’t work for you, you can change it when you become an adult legally (at 18 or whatever).

  2. I agree… and yet New Zealand is also the country that just legalized gay marriage and immediately broke into song. That’s pretty damn white AND gay.

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