Hey, look at that — free time! Quite the concept this “free time” business. I should look into it more often.
I should also get caught up on my pop culture.
Movies are a great way to solidify your Oreo experience. The repeated images of certain types of people doing certain types of things really reminds us who we are and who we can…or probably cannot be.
So let’s see what’s opening this weekend!
Transformers: Dark of the Moon – Robots do battle in what is clearly an intricate and well-developed plot… Is it weird that I had a huge crush on StarScream when I was a kid?
Stuff White People Get to Do in This Movie – Be astronauts, threaten Shia LeBoeuf, lie to robots, wear Kevlar, replace Megan Fox while still keeping eyes wide and mouth always slightly ajar, para-glide, seriously–in every shot she’s in in the trailer, the girl’s mouth is open and she’s not speaking what is up with that?, be both able-bodied and sit in a wheelchair, save the day.
Stuff Not-White People Get to Do in This Movie – wear Kevlar and deliver bad news.
Is there a medical reason why her lips can't touch? Should we start a fund?
Larry Crowne – Julia Roberts, Tom Hanks and Magical Black People, oh my!
Stuff White People Get to Do in This Movie – enjoy a simple, but oddly fulfilling job, be employee of the month, hold the power position(s) at a large company, be a Dean/Principal figure, be adorably bumbling, dislike their challenging, but unfulfilling job, enjoy ice irresponsibly, utilize public transportation, ride scooters safely, change the tough chick’s heart despite her best attempts, demonstrate hilariously uncharacteristic sexual abandon, enjoy love with a hint of embarrassment.
Stuff Not-White People Get to Do in This Movie – marvel at the ability of the white guy to be employee of the month, deliver sassy advice to the white guy, help the white guy realize his fashion and romantic potential, be made an example of, be unnecessarily jealous.
They're so in love and they don't even know it!!
Monte Carlo – Wait, what? Movies can cast quasi-minorities in lead roles in films that have nothing to do with them dressing in drag?
I know, TP, I was confused and hurt, too.
And instead of magical black people, there are two magical white people? AND the main character with a Mexican Spanish last night is pretending to be a white princess?? I can only hope that one day my Oreoness takes me to a place where I can pretend to be a white princess. AND Catherine Tate is in this movie?!?!? Cue Oreo explosion in 3…2…1…
Granted, the feminist implications of this film are pretty terrible (“teehee, despite all my hard work and brains, i just want castles and jewels and pretty and boys and boys!”), but that’s for a whole different blog. I’m still thrilled about the CT cameo. I ain’t even bovvered to pay money for that!
For more talk about trailers, click here and let us know what you think!
In case you caught that Star Scream story and want more about TOE’s dubious crushes, check out this story!
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The Oreo Experience 
I’m sorry… Catherine Tate is in Monte Carlo?!? Ugh. Now I want to be petty and girly for two hours just so I can shout “I ain’t bovvered!” at the screen when she appears.
Also, the Transformers girl suffers from the same ailment Kiera Knightley did in the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie. I think action producers like Bruckheimer and Bay think that’s what women do in action movies… I hope that’s it. Otherwise it could be a contagious disorder that could sweep Hollywood and then extend to us plebes. We may all evolve into beings who can never close their mouths — Horrors!
I am actively trying to hold my mouth open in that weird way. I can’t do it. without snarling or drooling.
I also tend to gravitate toward anything Catherine Tate is slightly involved in… I trust her judgement…
Who in the heck is Cate Tate?
Sultry White Girl Lips remain open at all times (Pam Anderson, Angelina,…).
Slutty White Girl Lips look like beaver teeth in an attempt to project a faux porn star look (The face white girls make when they dance. Think; Ashley Tinsdale in the Hellcats commercial)