Win, Lose or Black? – Salon Visit

I was at the salon this weekend for my bi-monthly (….and by “bi-monthly,” I mean once every two months, not twice a month is ‘bi-montly’ correct? Because I hear people

She can't hear you. None of them can. I can, though. So stop yelling right behind my lye-covered head.

use bi-weekly to mean both twice a week and also twice a month. Anyhoo…) reminder of how I fall just short of the beauty standard. The salon is generally peopled with all of-colors, of course, my Oreo hackles are up. This weekend, though, I was pleasantly surprised…mostly.

Yes, to my left was a guy getting his dreads redone and to my right was a woman whose names had one too many apostrophes in it, but on the TV was the Netflix stream of Damages–an anglotastic show if ever there was one! When I saw how much attention everyone was paying to the show, I relaxed a little, secure in the feeling that maybe my Oreoness was rubbing off on folks and doing some good in the world….

…and then they started talking at the TV.

Seriously?! We were so close to Oreo bliss. Why are we shouting at Rose Byrne? She can’t hear you. And we were watching the pilot episode from like two seasons ago. The show is already scripted. If you were really concerned about characters’ welfares, even a letter to the show won’t do you good at this point.

~Sigh~

It’s clear that I totally don’t get most black traditions (seriously, what’s up with the diabetes?) and this one is no exception.

But I must admit, there are also some non-color antics that just don’t get either. (Don’t worry, John Hughes, you’re off the hook for the moment)

Sushi – Yes, sushi hails from overseas where mostly minorities eat it; but most sushi in LA is eaten by hipsters. Definitely appeals to the non-colored palate. I’ve tried sushi five different times in five different ways. My feelings on it ranged from ick to blah. I want to like sushi. It’s trendy, it’s cute, it comes with a whole lingo you can use to separate yourself from those out of the know. But it’s also cold and you have to awkwardly shove the whole thing in your mouth at once. (…deep breath, don’t…go for…easy… dumb jok– aaaugh! That’s what she said. #couldnthelpit). To make up for not liking sushi,  however, I will eat my weight in fennel and beet salad and petite filet.

Camping – To be fair, I’ve never actually been camping. I’m warming to the idea…slowly. I always thought it was the bugs and dirt and pooping on the ground that was objectionable to me. But I do like hiking and cross-country skiing and snowshoeing, so I realized my objection to camping comes from a far more paranoid place. 🙂

What freaks me out about camping is the fact that you go into the middle of the woods with a group of people…who you cannot leave for like 3 days. Maybe it’s the fact that I’m an only child, but despite the fact that you’re in the wide open spaces, that feels very claustrophobic. I mean, I suppose you could wander away from your pack, but that’s always the set up for a horror movie, right? Especially if you’re black. I don’t know that killers will take the time to suss out and calculate your Oreo points.

The Bachelor – As mentioned, I’m definitely not above reality shows, but I kind of can’t believe this show is on the air still. Of course, I have zero problem with the fact that

an of color guy (or gal) has never been good enough to be held up as the American ideal–I mean, look at my dating history!

There’s just something unbearably creepy to me about the fact that in like 3 months of shows (which probably translates into about 4 weeks of shooting time), two people are supposed to get engaged! There’s something equally as creepy about the fact that I’m pretty sure that Bachelor just sleeps with everyone! I know that folks will casually date a girl or two at one time and that’s okay with me… as long as I’d never have to share a room or have brunch or go on a group date with whoever’s getting my sloppy seconds.

Seriously, someone must have caught something by now.

What do you think? Any of your group’s traditions you just don’t get?

If I were to try sushi one more time, where would you suggest I go or what should I have? (I did learn to like coffee, wine and peas after all, maybe there’s hope).

Suggestions for a first-time camping trip?

Any insight into The Bachelor?

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16 comments

  1. I can’t tell the difference between Costco sushi and some of the really expensive stuff.

    As far as the Bachelor goes (and Bachelorette) you might meet people you want to sleep with immediately, but marriage in 4 weeks? Seems kind of crazy and desperate. Or just good Television!

    1. I think there was a time when I might have thought it was good television. But now after being a grown up and having gone through actual relationships, I just can’t help but be super tense and wonder if they’ve had talks about preferred communication styles and parenting priorities.

      I have one friend who married her husband after knowing him for four months and they’ve been together for like 12 years or something and they’re crazy in love. I’m not saying it doesn’t happen, I’m just guessing it’s probably less likely to happen with a camera crew and multiple takes of the same scene.

      1. I have met women who hit me like a ton of bricks. There was an instant connection that was like fusion in a bottle. But that’s rare and other forces made it not work out.

        The more I learn of reality TV the more it seems mislabeled. It is ginned up situations and drama.

        1. When I first moved to LA, one of my first jobs was doing transcriptions for several reality TV shows. I felt so naive at being shocked by the fact that you could hear the off camera producers saying “can you just say ____”

  2. It all comes down to the ability to choose without worry of being judged.
    Most choices don’t really matter.
    It’s like saying that you like Caesar’s better than the Venecian – even though you’ll almost always end up at O’Shea’s at four a.m. anyway.

    Sushi – California Rolls and lots of Wasabi.
    Camping – Get a cabin (and this is really important) WITH cable.
    The Bachelor – Ummm… can’t help you here.

    1. The first time I had wasabi, I was tricked into taking a bite of an entire tablespoon. That person and I are no longer friends.

      Cable and camping, huh? That sounds doable. 🙂

  3. This time I am gonna address your post in the order of most absurd to just mildly ridiculous.

    Ok… overseas Asians are not minorities… they are the majority in Asia…

    Try the eel, it’s my favorite

    Diabetes is not a cultural tradition it is something that many people of all races and cultures suffer from…

    I don’t know if camping is particularly a white thing, since around the world there are thousands of separate cultures that reject the modern world and live off the land…

    I doubt any realty show actually has any repercussions on the real world. Though any two people that get married because of a realty show probably deserve each other.

    Black people yell at the TV or Movie Screen because they are engaged in the stories. It usually shows deep awareness of the plot and a personal compassion for the narrative… Now obviously you may find it more pleasing to hold your comments and discuss the show later over a cup of tea or something. But the only failing in the Black community I have ever seen is the willingness to honestly express opinions and feelings as loudly as possible (keeping it real) and shame on us for doing so… when will we learn to bottle up our passions and suppress our jubilation for life with prescription drugs…

  4. Unfortunately a lot of blaks don’t like me because I don’t use street talk. I’ve been called white by etc. Sad thing is some white friends call me white too. How atrange is that? I expect it from the blacks sadly.

    1. Welcome to the club, Phil! Glad to have you. I always think I’m going to run out of material any day now. But I just got the third degree a couple of weeks ago by a couple of guys who just could not understand why I “spoke so well.” le sigh.

      1. Florida is really a great place for sushi not just bescuae it is close to the ocean but bescuae of all the different cultures that come together to influence different types of sushi.

      2. Owen O’Neill:The owners of Sakana Ya have retcbnely opened a more conventional sit down table seating restaurant, next door to the sushi bar. It features Korean and Japanese cuisine (tempura, teriyaki,bento boxes for lunch, bulgogi, bibimbap etc.) but also allows diners to choose sushi items that are made next door at Sakana Ya. It’s a good compromise with a mixed group in which some members are not open to sushi or sashimi. Their Fayetteville location, at which I have dined on two occasions, has a similar full menu and table seating (although you can sit at the sushi bar in the back if you prefer.) The atmosphere is a bit dark, soft, and subdued a radical departure from the Armory Square location, but a very pleasant space in which to dine.

  5. Great post oreo experience.

    It sounds like Ola is taking this blog a little too seriously.

    It’s called satire. Look into it. Actually, I looked into it for you-
    Satire- the use of irony, sarcasm, ridicule, or the like, in exposing, denouncing, or deriding vice, folly, etc.

    You’re welcome.

    1. I luv when peeps jump to Aydrea’s defense as if she can’t fight for herself… sometimes I think I get more email off this blog than she does…

      So even tho you know the exact and proper definition of ‘satire’, you don’t see it’s presence in my response to this post…

      Since you are so clever with words and meanings, what’s the word for knowing the definition of something but not being able to recognize it in practice?…

      If I actually took any of this seriously, I wouldn’t bother commenting… I would just show up to the Oreo Experience Headquarters with Al Sharpton and the NAACP and cause all havoc 🙂

  6. Thank you for giving me yet another reason to not like the Bachelor. Your point is evidenced by the fact that only one couple in the show’s entire history has actually gotten married. Also since they go bungie jumping, horseback riding and trotting through vineyards the whole time, my theory is that the producers purposely keep the contestants fueled with adrenaline and booze so that things will go more smoothly.
    I really don’t like the Bachelor. :p

    1. Haha! The booze for sure! There’s also those studies that say if you do something scary with someone like a roller coaster or watch a scary movie, you’re more likely to bond with them.

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