I read this article today in the Atlantic about a white guy hired by a Chinese business to be one of its in public faces. The company knew that you have to have the right look to get ahead. Apparently, it’s pretty big business over there.
“I call these things ‘White Guy in a Tie’ events,” a Canadian friend of a friend named Jake told me during the recruitment pitch he gave me in Beijing, where I live. “Basically, you put on a suit, shake some hands, and make some money. We’ll be in ‘quality control,’ but nobody’s gonna be doing any quality control. You in?”
And so I became a fake businessman in China, an often lucrative gig for underworked expatriates here.
And while an Oreo face might not give your company the international oomph it wants, there are some times when hiring an Oreo could come in handy!
- It’s your diversity photo shoot day at college and the football team is at an away game.
- You want to keep your Tea Party event safe from media scrutiny.
- You want to go to see the W. Kamau Bell curve. The one man show where if you bring a friend of a different race, you get in 2-for-1.
- It’s Halloween and you want to do a fun two-person costume. If you’re a white guy, hire an Oreo and go as George Lucas, Sting or Thomas Jefferson. If you’re an anglo tastic gal, you can be Heidi Klum, Idina Menzel or Elin Nordegren.
- You want people to flip through your facebook photos and think that you went somewhere exciting for the long weekend like New Orleans or a Raiders game…when really, you took a staycation in your jammies on the couch.
I am happy to send over a rate sheet if you’re interested. Reference are available upon request.
Any other Oreo stand in jobs I’m missing?
Oreo rentals are not to be confused with Rent-A-Negro, which offers slightly different services.
this post was actually funny 🙂
you missed a few…
When you want to seem more worldly, liberal, and open minded so you rent a oreo to go on an event… “Oh… who is your friend? He/She seems quite interesting”
Black people rent oreos when going into negotiations with white people… “yo dawg, I need you to come holla at this white guy/lady for me real quick”
Oreos rent other Oreos when trying to prove they have black friends. “Hey I am not a sellout, me and Brian hang out quite regular”
and my favorite …
Urban schools rent oreos to come talk to the students who are probably all going to jail anyway… “Oh thanks for talking to the students and telling them how you started BET, Mr. Johnson”
Before I moved to Austin and met, you Aydrea, I spent 10 mts in a foster home with black foster parents who didn’t like white children, so I spent the better part of a year of my life in a closet. If I wasn’t in the closet I was being either abused by them or held down while the other black foster children abused me, they called it paybacks. It was very very difficult to get out, very very difficult for me to get my black social worker to believe me when I told her what was going on. She wouldn’t end up removing me until they broke my ribs and dislocated my shoulder, then they finally moved me. I am dead convinced that if I was a black child in a white foster parents whose white foster parents kept me in a closet, I’d of had Jesse James, Al Sharpton, and the NAACP on their porch in a heartbeat. However there is little to no representation for whites who are prejudiced against, and before you laugh me off and say it doesn’t happen, please re read above story. I do not believe my situation is all that unique. Racism against whites is very common it’s just very hard to get publicized because somehow society and media is convinced it doesn’t happen or isn’t worth reporting.
Yea it is hard to prove Black on white racism… even the media has decided to call it “reverse racism” that’s stupid racism is racism no matter who is involved… there is a saying “the squeaky wheel get’s oiled” and I have seen Asian on black, black on Asian, Native American on white, Mexican on Asian, Black on White and all sorts of Racism… Historically in this country White on Black has been the squeakiest wheel… the most common and most brutal so far… it’s not right… none of it is, I don’t want to be a more “believable victim” but I am… it’s not a competition… and if it is I don’t feel like a winner… I hate to hear stories like yours… The foster system is stained with abuse both mental to physical ranging from sexual to psychological…
I guess my main point of telling you that is because I see all the time you ranting about how much your life sucks because you feel you have to deny your culture to be successful and I think it’s ludicrous, like you are trying to see what? That your culture can’t be successful? You’re a great writer, but when did you become so bitter? I sure wish I saw an article that actually did the world any good, sorry to be harsh about it.
That’s a terrible story. While I can’t comment on the things that happened to you, I think I can safely say that this blog is satire, and is meant to use humor to make people think about race, ethnicity, and social conventions. I don’t think that the blog is meant to be straightforward, nor that the writer actually believes many of the things she says. Satire can sometimes say some outrageous things, but it’s in order to illustrate a point by carrying it to extreme conclusions. I’m pretty sure she’s not nearly as bitter as you think, and that really, it’s meant as a thoughtful joke.
Just trying to be helpful. 🙂
fair enough, ty Rick